27 March 2007
maybe i really do have seasonal affected disorder!
Er... you know what I mean. Anyway, I've noticed lately that my mood seems directly correlated to the weather: even though I've always loved rain, it tends to make me feel gloomy and sad, whereas on sunny days I have boundless energy and am relentlessly cheerful.
Rain used to make me want to curl up next to the window with a good book or go outside and dance in the street. Now I try to ignore it, because it makes me long for the summer afternoons I know aren't going to bring what I want. Afternoon thunder showers always bring thoughts of summer, and as much as I want it more than [almost] anything else in the world, I can't help but wonder what disappointments it's going to bring as well.
But here's what makes me think maybe I'm not a complete basket case: rainbows. Yesterday I was driving in the rain, and when it let up, there was a rainbow. I'm not usually taken in by sappy shit like this, but it wasn't just your standard half a rainbow, it was the whole thing, and you could see all the colors (the little nerdy voice in my head kept going "ROYGBIV! You can see all of them!"), and the sun was shining from behind the clouds, and I couldn't help but smile a little.
Because maybe, even though the sun can't seem to outshine the clouds right now, even though my entire life seems to be getting drenched, there is a little hope for me. Maybe if I can just ride out this storm, there is a rainbow at the end. Maybe things really are going to get better.
Rain used to make me want to curl up next to the window with a good book or go outside and dance in the street. Now I try to ignore it, because it makes me long for the summer afternoons I know aren't going to bring what I want. Afternoon thunder showers always bring thoughts of summer, and as much as I want it more than [almost] anything else in the world, I can't help but wonder what disappointments it's going to bring as well.
But here's what makes me think maybe I'm not a complete basket case: rainbows. Yesterday I was driving in the rain, and when it let up, there was a rainbow. I'm not usually taken in by sappy shit like this, but it wasn't just your standard half a rainbow, it was the whole thing, and you could see all the colors (the little nerdy voice in my head kept going "ROYGBIV! You can see all of them!"), and the sun was shining from behind the clouds, and I couldn't help but smile a little.
Because maybe, even though the sun can't seem to outshine the clouds right now, even though my entire life seems to be getting drenched, there is a little hope for me. Maybe if I can just ride out this storm, there is a rainbow at the end. Maybe things really are going to get better.
3/27/2007
