17 April 2007
a small, yet tremendous victory.
I don't know if you were aware, but there is absolutely nothing more satisfying than an ex with a truly terrible haircut. Well, that's not entirely true. It takes a close second to an ex who you know is driven crazy by the idea that you're moving on. You know, one who freaks out because they realize you're not just going to wait around doting on them for four months? The one who can't stand it when someone calls them on all their pretentious bullshit?
It makes you feel like you're taking the moral high ground when someone does something so immature. Like when you say, "Hey, I don't ever want to talk to you again," so they call you and say "No, I never want to talk to you again!" and then call you lots of nasty names. Really mature. You're obviously the big sophisticated adult you try to make everyone think you are.
It's really, really satisfying to know you've truly gotten to someone. I'm probably not going to wipe this shit-eating grin off my face for a few days, either, because after all the bullshit he's put me through, I can't help feeling like I deserve it.
I guess after two months, being lead on just doesn't fucking work for me anymore. Being ignored, insulted, blown off, and generally treated like shit just doesn't cut it, you know?
I don't regret a single second of it, nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing. If I had the chance, I'd do the whole thing over again, because those honestly were some of the happiest months of my life. I miss the laughs, I miss those feelings, I miss that connection. But I've been thinking for awhile now that the person I had those things with just isn't around anymore, and whether he's coming back is still up in the air.
We all make mistakes, we all grow up, we all change, we all deserve to be forgiven once in awhile.
So you know what? I forgive him.
It's not that hard because I'm discovering that I don't need him to be happy; in fact, I really don't need anyone. I choose to surround myself with people I care about, but I'm realizing that what makes me happiest is just being me, not worrying if that's good enough for someone else.
Because it's going to be good enough for anyone who matters.
It makes you feel like you're taking the moral high ground when someone does something so immature. Like when you say, "Hey, I don't ever want to talk to you again," so they call you and say "No, I never want to talk to you again!" and then call you lots of nasty names. Really mature. You're obviously the big sophisticated adult you try to make everyone think you are.
It's really, really satisfying to know you've truly gotten to someone. I'm probably not going to wipe this shit-eating grin off my face for a few days, either, because after all the bullshit he's put me through, I can't help feeling like I deserve it.
I guess after two months, being lead on just doesn't fucking work for me anymore. Being ignored, insulted, blown off, and generally treated like shit just doesn't cut it, you know?
I don't regret a single second of it, nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing. If I had the chance, I'd do the whole thing over again, because those honestly were some of the happiest months of my life. I miss the laughs, I miss those feelings, I miss that connection. But I've been thinking for awhile now that the person I had those things with just isn't around anymore, and whether he's coming back is still up in the air.
We all make mistakes, we all grow up, we all change, we all deserve to be forgiven once in awhile.
So you know what? I forgive him.
It's not that hard because I'm discovering that I don't need him to be happy; in fact, I really don't need anyone. I choose to surround myself with people I care about, but I'm realizing that what makes me happiest is just being me, not worrying if that's good enough for someone else.
Because it's going to be good enough for anyone who matters.
4/17/2007
