25 April 2007
so... when's the part where my life starts making sense?
I've been thinking a lot lately about change. Everything changes. People change, lives change, little things, big things, things that matter, insignificant things, places change, feelings change, everything changes. There is no such thing as a constant, unless you consider change itself.
Isn't love supposed to be constant? Isn't love supposed to be timeless, eternal, unconditional? Once you love someone, haven't you committed to them? I guess you have, but there is no commitment that can't be broken. Mothers leave their children, husbands leave their wives, families split up, nations go to war, people kill each other every day. If love were so unconditional, wouldn't we all take care of each other?
If nothing else in the world is constant, how can love be? If these commitments are all so easily broken, how can we say that love shall conquer all? It can't. Love is an illusion. Sometimes you have a connection with someone, sometimes your lives collide and you spend a long time picking up the pieces together, sometimes your connection lasts a long time and really means something to you, sometimes someone leaves their mark on you so deeply that you know you will never forget them.
If love were real, how could you be in a crowded room and still feel so alone? If love were real, how could people be so cruel to each other? If love were real, how could people abandon each other? If love were real, how could war exist? If love were real, how could beauty matter so much?
I've realized that in my quest for self-fulfillment, I haven't taken on the whole triangle. It's supposed to be intellectual, physical, spiritual. Intellectual, no problem, I think most high school kids have got that one covered. Phsyical, no sweat, I hit the gym or my bike a few times a week and call it good; I'm in decent shape.
But spiritual?
I've got no idea where to begin. Of course I have friends to connect with; I'm surrounded by some of the most dynamic and amazing people in existence, as far as I'm concerned. But that doesn't quite cover it. If I don't believe in love, how can I possibly expect to find some kind of spiritual fulfillment?
I think that love is too much to ask of another person.
Isn't love supposed to be constant? Isn't love supposed to be timeless, eternal, unconditional? Once you love someone, haven't you committed to them? I guess you have, but there is no commitment that can't be broken. Mothers leave their children, husbands leave their wives, families split up, nations go to war, people kill each other every day. If love were so unconditional, wouldn't we all take care of each other?
If nothing else in the world is constant, how can love be? If these commitments are all so easily broken, how can we say that love shall conquer all? It can't. Love is an illusion. Sometimes you have a connection with someone, sometimes your lives collide and you spend a long time picking up the pieces together, sometimes your connection lasts a long time and really means something to you, sometimes someone leaves their mark on you so deeply that you know you will never forget them.
If love were real, how could you be in a crowded room and still feel so alone? If love were real, how could people be so cruel to each other? If love were real, how could people abandon each other? If love were real, how could war exist? If love were real, how could beauty matter so much?
I've realized that in my quest for self-fulfillment, I haven't taken on the whole triangle. It's supposed to be intellectual, physical, spiritual. Intellectual, no problem, I think most high school kids have got that one covered. Phsyical, no sweat, I hit the gym or my bike a few times a week and call it good; I'm in decent shape.
But spiritual?
I've got no idea where to begin. Of course I have friends to connect with; I'm surrounded by some of the most dynamic and amazing people in existence, as far as I'm concerned. But that doesn't quite cover it. If I don't believe in love, how can I possibly expect to find some kind of spiritual fulfillment?
I think that love is too much to ask of another person.
4/25/2007
