30 April 2007
yeah, well, it's not over yet.
This is a big step, isn't it? I should be excited, but I'm scared to move on. I don't want to leave all those memories behind, because as bitter as they are now, I know that someday I'll look back and smile because I really was happy. I even feel pretty confident that someday--maybe not now, maybe not even in the near future--we'll find common ground again.
Even in the face of this new chapter in my life, I'm afraid to keep moving forward. I'm afraid to give it another shot. I'm afraid this won't help at all, and that I'll just keep being screwed up, just like I have been all along. I'm afraid he's not going to understand when it ends, I'm afraid I'm not going to be all the way there for him, I'm afraid I'll fall in love again, I'm afraid I never will, I'm afraid to feel normal again because then what if being crazy can't be my excuse anymore?
But I guess I made you a deal, didn't I? I won't let you down, mainly since that would mean letting me down too.
Even in the face of this new chapter in my life, I'm afraid to keep moving forward. I'm afraid to give it another shot. I'm afraid this won't help at all, and that I'll just keep being screwed up, just like I have been all along. I'm afraid he's not going to understand when it ends, I'm afraid I'm not going to be all the way there for him, I'm afraid I'll fall in love again, I'm afraid I never will, I'm afraid to feel normal again because then what if being crazy can't be my excuse anymore?
But I guess I made you a deal, didn't I? I won't let you down, mainly since that would mean letting me down too.
4/30/2007
