01 May 2007
take that, office supplies!
I know this may come as something of a shock to many of my readers, but I noticed something on Friday that really got me to thinking, and I think I've finally reached a viable conclusion. My thesis occured to me as I watched the Student Senate Sponsor walk out of the principal's office and tell the candidates for student body president that there was a "paper jam," and that everyone would be standing around waiting for another ten minutes, at least. Um, bullshit, you know why?
There is no such thing as a paper jam.
I mean, come on. What a ridiculous concept. First of all, it's completely avoidable. The minute the printer even thinks about jamming up, it starts making these weird crinkly noises, and you know, you know, what's going to happen if you don't get over there STAT and free the rogue paper from its inky captor.
And even if you don't notice until it's too late, and the printer has shredded the document into at least six different pieces, and you know when you touch it it's going to get ink all over your hand and it won't come off for at least three days and everyone's going to think you never wash your hands, you're still not S.O.L., because what do you do? You grab the paper and pull it out. Problem solved.
In technical terms, the space for the paper to go through when stuff is getting printed on it is simply too small for multiple pages to fit, which, in my book, is the definition of a jam.
Basically, some jerk intern at an office [probably someone like me!] woke up one morning and got to work and his boss wanted to know where those reports were, Johnson, and Johnson, always quick-thinking, went to "fetch" [read: start] them in his cubicle, and twenty later when the boss came in to see what the devil had happened to those reports, Johnson, Johnson did some more of that quick thinking and exclaimed "There's a paper jam in the printer, sir!" and that was that. A few coworkers, who had never liked Johnson because of his chronic lateness and tendency to increase their workload with his slacking off, immediately felt vindicated, knowing that Johnson had saved their sinking ship.
It's the perfect excuse, if you think about it, sort of nebulous, and it falls into that circumstances-were-out-of-my-control category. Say "paper jam," and everyone stops nagging you, no big thing, take as long as you need, technology these days is so confusing, isn't it. Occasionally, some newbie--someone who isn't in on the gig--will even offer to help you, and probably thinks you're a big jerk when you look at him like he's completely braindead.
So I guess the gig's up, cubicle-residing printer mongrels. I'm totally onto you.
There is no such thing as a paper jam.
I mean, come on. What a ridiculous concept. First of all, it's completely avoidable. The minute the printer even thinks about jamming up, it starts making these weird crinkly noises, and you know, you know, what's going to happen if you don't get over there STAT and free the rogue paper from its inky captor.
And even if you don't notice until it's too late, and the printer has shredded the document into at least six different pieces, and you know when you touch it it's going to get ink all over your hand and it won't come off for at least three days and everyone's going to think you never wash your hands, you're still not S.O.L., because what do you do? You grab the paper and pull it out. Problem solved.
In technical terms, the space for the paper to go through when stuff is getting printed on it is simply too small for multiple pages to fit, which, in my book, is the definition of a jam.
Basically, some jerk intern at an office [probably someone like me!] woke up one morning and got to work and his boss wanted to know where those reports were, Johnson, and Johnson, always quick-thinking, went to "fetch" [read: start] them in his cubicle, and twenty later when the boss came in to see what the devil had happened to those reports, Johnson, Johnson did some more of that quick thinking and exclaimed "There's a paper jam in the printer, sir!" and that was that. A few coworkers, who had never liked Johnson because of his chronic lateness and tendency to increase their workload with his slacking off, immediately felt vindicated, knowing that Johnson had saved their sinking ship.
It's the perfect excuse, if you think about it, sort of nebulous, and it falls into that circumstances-were-out-of-my-control category. Say "paper jam," and everyone stops nagging you, no big thing, take as long as you need, technology these days is so confusing, isn't it. Occasionally, some newbie--someone who isn't in on the gig--will even offer to help you, and probably thinks you're a big jerk when you look at him like he's completely braindead.
So I guess the gig's up, cubicle-residing printer mongrels. I'm totally onto you.
5/01/2007
