25 March 2005
♥ The Librarian Hall of Shame: Crouching Kayla, Hidden Panther
Okay, so in the eighth grade, Kayla and I worked on the Newspaper staff. For the record, the paper sucked. We basically never did anything except play Donut Boy or whatever with our friend Cameron. And sing blink-182 songs with Abi, who was the rockin'est boss we could have asked for. Except when she grounded me. I was mad about getting grounded. She wouldn't let me leave the room for like a week. Even when certain significant sophomores (they were freshmen at the time) came. Jesus. I was deeply upset. But other than that Abi rocked. We made fun of Hamlin a lot too. He was an ass.
Anyway, one day, everyone had pretty much gone home, and we were in the library, carrying out our usual routine (this consisted of me chasing Kayla around with a magic marker and trying to draw kitty whiskers on her).
So Kayla runs to one end of the LMC and I, being as exceptionally clever as I am, ran and hid under this long table that had a bunch of computers on it. Of course, when Kayla came to find me, I said, in the most nature documentarian-esque voice I could muster, "Observe as the cunning panther stalks its prey."
But Kayla wasn't laughing. She looked kind of white. Like whiter than usual, if that's possible. And when I looked up, I saw why: it was the one and only Geriatri-Graham! Yep, the most incredibly mean-spirited librarian / dinosaur ever to walk the earth had marched in right in the middle of my display of 5-ish year old behavior.
Damn.
Anyway, the Grahaminator storms over and gets about two inches from my face and says, in her deadliest voice, "Are you quite finished?" She smelled kind of like garlic cloves and cherry cough syrup. It was pretty gross.
So of course I was like, "Uh, yeah...?" I mean, I couldn't say, "No, bitch, I'm not! I haven't attacked Kayla and drawn kitty whiskers on her yet!" So that was that.
But some poor proctologist must have finally removed the stick, because she didn't even tattle on the sponsor. She did make me clean gum off the bottom of the tables, but most of it was mine so I didn't really mind that much.
Anyway, that, my dears, is the story of Crouching Kayla, Hidden Panther. If you're interested, here's a link to the Moore Middle School site. The Grahaminator doesn't work there (she finally reached that level where you're so... geriatric that they MAKE you retire), but you should still check it out.
Anyway, one day, everyone had pretty much gone home, and we were in the library, carrying out our usual routine (this consisted of me chasing Kayla around with a magic marker and trying to draw kitty whiskers on her).
So Kayla runs to one end of the LMC and I, being as exceptionally clever as I am, ran and hid under this long table that had a bunch of computers on it. Of course, when Kayla came to find me, I said, in the most nature documentarian-esque voice I could muster, "Observe as the cunning panther stalks its prey."
But Kayla wasn't laughing. She looked kind of white. Like whiter than usual, if that's possible. And when I looked up, I saw why: it was the one and only Geriatri-Graham! Yep, the most incredibly mean-spirited librarian / dinosaur ever to walk the earth had marched in right in the middle of my display of 5-ish year old behavior.
Damn.
Anyway, the Grahaminator storms over and gets about two inches from my face and says, in her deadliest voice, "Are you quite finished?" She smelled kind of like garlic cloves and cherry cough syrup. It was pretty gross.
So of course I was like, "Uh, yeah...?" I mean, I couldn't say, "No, bitch, I'm not! I haven't attacked Kayla and drawn kitty whiskers on her yet!" So that was that.
But some poor proctologist must have finally removed the stick, because she didn't even tattle on the sponsor. She did make me clean gum off the bottom of the tables, but most of it was mine so I didn't really mind that much.
Anyway, that, my dears, is the story of Crouching Kayla, Hidden Panther. If you're interested, here's a link to the Moore Middle School site. The Grahaminator doesn't work there (she finally reached that level where you're so... geriatric that they MAKE you retire), but you should still check it out.
3/25/2005
