21 October 2005
♥ At Least You're Not a Truffle Pig
Consider, if you will, the common truffle pig. I'm talking the French sort. You know, those pigs that have to spent their entire piggy lives searching for truffles. Now, as you read, think about your problems and consider this: at least you're not a truffle pig.
Think of something yummy. Now, if you were a truffle pig, you would spend your days looking high and low for the yummiest thing you could think of. And when, after many long hours of searching with your little piggy nose, you finally found that delicious morsel, a truffle farmer would whap you on the nose with a big stick so that you could not eat it and also probably just for good measure and take it away from you. He would just take that yummy thing! And in the bargain, in the bargain, he would feed you slop for dinner.
And not only would your life be completely meaningless and spent in search of truffles and, of course, longing for the truffled woods of your wasted youth, but you would feel positively hollow when you consider the fact that the only thing standing between you as you are and you as a Jimmy Dean Pork Sausage is your very acute sense of smell. You're not even cute - truffle pigs are ugly. And if they don't produce a substantial amount of truffles, they are transformed into ham, sausage, or some other type of pork product.
Aren't you glad you're not a truffle pig?
P.S. I'm a vegetarian, so you can't even call me a hypocrite. So there.
P.P.S. I don't eat truffles either, and it's not because I don't like the French.
Think of something yummy. Now, if you were a truffle pig, you would spend your days looking high and low for the yummiest thing you could think of. And when, after many long hours of searching with your little piggy nose, you finally found that delicious morsel, a truffle farmer would whap you on the nose with a big stick so that you could not eat it and also probably just for good measure and take it away from you. He would just take that yummy thing! And in the bargain, in the bargain, he would feed you slop for dinner.
And not only would your life be completely meaningless and spent in search of truffles and, of course, longing for the truffled woods of your wasted youth, but you would feel positively hollow when you consider the fact that the only thing standing between you as you are and you as a Jimmy Dean Pork Sausage is your very acute sense of smell. You're not even cute - truffle pigs are ugly. And if they don't produce a substantial amount of truffles, they are transformed into ham, sausage, or some other type of pork product.
Aren't you glad you're not a truffle pig?
P.S. I'm a vegetarian, so you can't even call me a hypocrite. So there.
P.P.S. I don't eat truffles either, and it's not because I don't like the French.
10/21/2005
