22 October 2005
♥ Universal Annoyances
Here are some things that I've been thinking annoy me:
- That Barry Manilow didn't write his hit "I Write the Songs."
- The tiny percentage of times that a song dedication on the radio is actually heard by the person it's being dedicated to.
- Having something valid to interject into the conversation of two nearby strangers but knowing that society prohibits such behavior.
- When your thigh rubs against a leather chair, emitting a loud, ripping noise and every time you rub your leg against it again in an attempt to make the same noise to prove to the public that it wasn't a fart, it sounds nothing like the initial noise.
- That despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the myth that hammocks are comfortable for napping somehow endures.
- When the brief thrill of making the yellow light ends and you're bored again.
- When the person you are waving hello to doesn't see you waving, but catches you awkwardly retracting the wave.
- Getting a "Q" at the end of a Scrabble game when all the "U"s and blanks are gone.
- How Lincoln Logs fool children into thinking it's easy to build a log cabin.
- The unfortunate unfashionability of earmuffs.
- That it's no longer acceptable for sailors to skip down the street whistling show tunes.
- Wondering, based on his answers, if the guy you're copying from could actually know less than you.
- People who insist that celery has no taste.
- That no one will ever care to distinguish between your "early work" and your "later periods."
- The myth that scaring the crap out of someone can eliminate their hiccups.
- Concentrating so hard on a test that you can't understand what you're reading.
- DJs who, as a song ends, repeat its most cliched line as if it's profound.
- Not wanting to do something, but not wanting to not do it.
- When you yell to your mother to ask her if she's seen something you've misplaced, and she calls back, "It's wherever you left it, honey!"
- When you can't remember the original topic of converstion, which is far more engaging than the one you're stuck on now.
- Becoming nauseous from eating too much raw cookie dough.
- When all your Cracker Jacks have melted into one big Jack.
- Knowing that your friend who screens her calls is probably listening as you leave a message.
- That we use words like "testicle" and "vagina" to describe genitalia and wonder why so many English-speaking people have issues with sex.
- When your heart skips a beat, reminding you of its eventual failure.
- The futility of going back to sleep in an attempt to finish a great dream.
- Realizing that you were wearing the same outfit the last time you hung out with this person.
- When a teacher erases the entire blackboard but misses one prominent mark.
- When your eyes instinctively dart to the side because the guy across the aisle caught you staring at him, heightening your urge to look one last time. So you slowly pan your eyes back, only to be caught again, further intensifying both your desire to peek again and your fear of getting caught a third time.
- A menu item described as "gently nestled."
- Wondering who was rude enough to leave an empty roll of toilet paper and then remembering it was you.
- When everyone knows that the only reason you weren't picked last is because your best friend is one of the captains.
- When your favorite book becomes a movie and you can't find a copy without Tobey Maguire's face on the cover.
- When there are lots of mosquitoes, wondering whether to say "I'm going to put Off on" or "I'm going to put on Off."
- Being the last person to stop applauding.
- When someone tells you you don't take criticism well and you truly know they're wrong.
- Coffee chains that expect you to call a small cup of coffee "tall."
10/22/2005
