02 May 2006
♥ Finger-Eaters Strike Back
Possibly I have a bizarre obsession with people eating each other, but when I noticed the headline "TGI Friday's: Human Flesh in Hamburger," I felt compelled to have a gander. Apparently Wendy's is not the only chain careless enough to serve fingers (though, in their defense, it was a creepy insurance scam, not their gross chili).
The story is pretty straightforward: guy chops lots of steaks, guy gets tired, guy slices off part of finger, guy's friends take guy to emergency room, unsuspecting customer finds slice o' finger in his burger.
What I find really disturbing here, however, is not the finger bit. The guy who found a finger in his burger called the police. I mean, yeah, it's disgusting, but wouldn't you just tell your waitor first? I mean, did the guy eat around the finger and finish his fries and go home and be like, "Hey, I found a finger in my burger at TGI Friday's tonight"? The minute I bit into that fleshy little digit, I would call a waitor over and be like, "Excuse me, but there appears to be a piece of human finger in my hamburger. Check, please," wouldn't you? Actually, I'd just equate fingers in my food with free dinner.
But not this guy, he actually called the police! Did he really think it was a criminal matter? "Those damn communists are putting fingers in people's food again!"
Or at least, that was what I thought at first.
But then I thought about it, and I remembered that the last finger-in-food incident was a criminal thing, too! Remember? That creepy lady with the leopard-training friends took a finger and put it in there!
So that got me all riled, because I thought maybe I'd found a downfall-of-the-chain-restaurant -please-obsessed soulmate!
But then I realized that if he'd actually known about the Wendy's lady, wouldn't he have realized that SHE did it to her OWN food? *sigh*
Letdown.
So, in my disappointment, I leave you with this: May all your endeavours be finger-free, and, if in doubt, may you resort to vegetarianism.
The story is pretty straightforward: guy chops lots of steaks, guy gets tired, guy slices off part of finger, guy's friends take guy to emergency room, unsuspecting customer finds slice o' finger in his burger.
What I find really disturbing here, however, is not the finger bit. The guy who found a finger in his burger called the police. I mean, yeah, it's disgusting, but wouldn't you just tell your waitor first? I mean, did the guy eat around the finger and finish his fries and go home and be like, "Hey, I found a finger in my burger at TGI Friday's tonight"? The minute I bit into that fleshy little digit, I would call a waitor over and be like, "Excuse me, but there appears to be a piece of human finger in my hamburger. Check, please," wouldn't you? Actually, I'd just equate fingers in my food with free dinner.
But not this guy, he actually called the police! Did he really think it was a criminal matter? "Those damn communists are putting fingers in people's food again!"
Or at least, that was what I thought at first.
But then I thought about it, and I remembered that the last finger-in-food incident was a criminal thing, too! Remember? That creepy lady with the leopard-training friends took a finger and put it in there!
So that got me all riled, because I thought maybe I'd found a downfall-of-the-chain-restaurant -please-obsessed soulmate!
But then I realized that if he'd actually known about the Wendy's lady, wouldn't he have realized that SHE did it to her OWN food? *sigh*
Letdown.
So, in my disappointment, I leave you with this: May all your endeavours be finger-free, and, if in doubt, may you resort to vegetarianism.
5/02/2006
