19 October 2006
♥ i don't even need a shrink for this one... a semester of ib psych will do just fine
I realized yesterday how much it must just... suck, realizing that your boyfriend is your only friend. As she sat there listening to us talk about parties we're throwing, major life events (things she'd know about if she hadn't ruined things with us), and how we're all knitting scarves for each other, she must have figured it all out.
Kind of explains the post-fourth hour sobfest, doesn't it?
I pity her, really. I mean, yes, she brought this upon herself, but it really is just pathetic. It's not a nice sort of pity, though, like "Oh, this time in her life must be so difficult now that she's isolated herself from all her friends." It's a sort of spiteful pity, the kind one expresses with that smug grin I love so much. It's more like, "Oh, isn't she pitiful," and then everyone laughs.
I know it's mean, but I can't help feeling a little vindictive after all this.
And if I may be so blunt, I think it's safe to say that we all know why he's really in this. "I'll propose to you next year." Yeah right... because "We're waiting till marriage to do the dirty deed" eventually turns into "Well, we're engaged" which turns into "We're engaged to be engaged" which turns into "What are you doing Saturday night?" Just kidding, they always know what the other is doing on Saturday night, because their plans are always with each other.
I think that's kind of unhealthy.
Why would you want your entire life to revolve around one person? I don't mean saying "You're my whole world," like people do when they're in love. I mean completely cutting yourself off from everyone else. Because the odds that you're going to marry your high school sweetheart are, honestly, slim to none. There's that occasional couple who can withstand the tests of time, yadda yadda yadda, but those are couples who really love each other. The people I'm thinking of have a relationship built entirely on lust, and like I said before, I think that's kind of unhealthy.
And if you say you're in love with someone, isn't the implication that you trust them?
Call me judgemental, but I think that when you trust your boyfriend so little that you read his text messages on a daily basis, forbid him to speak to / sit next to other girls, and dictate who he is and is not allowed to be friends with, it indicates that you're not mature enough to be involved in a serious relationship. Maybe it's just me, but if I care about someone enough that I think I've fallen in love, I want to feel like I can trust them to stay out of compromising situations--and, more importantly, that they can trust me.
This is slightly embarassing, but I read Dear Abby somewhat religiously. I found a startlingly relevant commentary in her Wednesday column this week:
Dear Abby: During the past few weeks, two young women I know have confided to me about similar situations with their boyfriends. Each said her boyfriend went though her cell phone's logged calls, voice messages, and text messages. Both young men were furious that the girls had contact with other male friends. Both incidents were frightening. [The girls] asked my opinion about this, and I told them I'd never violate my husband's - or boyfriend's or girlfriend's - privacy by looking through mail personally addressed to them, going through their purse, wallet, checkbook or cell phone. I consider it a matter of respect and trust. Both young women claim that the calls and text messages were innocent. What is your opinion about the privacy of cell phones and other personal items?
Dear Carol: Both of the boys you mentioned have serious control and insecurity issues, which could possibly lead to dating violence in the future. What they did was a huge invasion of privacy, and of enough concern to me that I question whether those relationships should continue. As to that kind of thing happening in mature relationships, if the level of trust has been so eroded that snooping is necessary, the relationship is already in serious trouble. Also, the person doing the snooping may be guilty of the cheating that he or she is obsessed with discovering. There's an old saying, "A person doesn't look behind the bedroom door unless he (or she) has stood there in the past."
I can't think of anything that would be more satisfying than cutting out that column and taping it to her locker. Honestly, I just love the idea. She would be so pissed.
But you know why I'm not going to? I'll give you a hint: it's not because I'm kindhearted or mature.
I'm not going to post it on her locker because she loves the idea of a nemesis, and nothing in the world could bother her more than being totally and completely ignored.
Kind of explains the post-fourth hour sobfest, doesn't it?
I pity her, really. I mean, yes, she brought this upon herself, but it really is just pathetic. It's not a nice sort of pity, though, like "Oh, this time in her life must be so difficult now that she's isolated herself from all her friends." It's a sort of spiteful pity, the kind one expresses with that smug grin I love so much. It's more like, "Oh, isn't she pitiful," and then everyone laughs.
I know it's mean, but I can't help feeling a little vindictive after all this.
And if I may be so blunt, I think it's safe to say that we all know why he's really in this. "I'll propose to you next year." Yeah right... because "We're waiting till marriage to do the dirty deed" eventually turns into "Well, we're engaged" which turns into "We're engaged to be engaged" which turns into "What are you doing Saturday night?" Just kidding, they always know what the other is doing on Saturday night, because their plans are always with each other.
I think that's kind of unhealthy.
Why would you want your entire life to revolve around one person? I don't mean saying "You're my whole world," like people do when they're in love. I mean completely cutting yourself off from everyone else. Because the odds that you're going to marry your high school sweetheart are, honestly, slim to none. There's that occasional couple who can withstand the tests of time, yadda yadda yadda, but those are couples who really love each other. The people I'm thinking of have a relationship built entirely on lust, and like I said before, I think that's kind of unhealthy.
And if you say you're in love with someone, isn't the implication that you trust them?
Call me judgemental, but I think that when you trust your boyfriend so little that you read his text messages on a daily basis, forbid him to speak to / sit next to other girls, and dictate who he is and is not allowed to be friends with, it indicates that you're not mature enough to be involved in a serious relationship. Maybe it's just me, but if I care about someone enough that I think I've fallen in love, I want to feel like I can trust them to stay out of compromising situations--and, more importantly, that they can trust me.
This is slightly embarassing, but I read Dear Abby somewhat religiously. I found a startlingly relevant commentary in her Wednesday column this week:
Dear Abby: During the past few weeks, two young women I know have confided to me about similar situations with their boyfriends. Each said her boyfriend went though her cell phone's logged calls, voice messages, and text messages. Both young men were furious that the girls had contact with other male friends. Both incidents were frightening. [The girls] asked my opinion about this, and I told them I'd never violate my husband's - or boyfriend's or girlfriend's - privacy by looking through mail personally addressed to them, going through their purse, wallet, checkbook or cell phone. I consider it a matter of respect and trust. Both young women claim that the calls and text messages were innocent. What is your opinion about the privacy of cell phones and other personal items?
--Carol in Faribault, Minn.
Dear Carol: Both of the boys you mentioned have serious control and insecurity issues, which could possibly lead to dating violence in the future. What they did was a huge invasion of privacy, and of enough concern to me that I question whether those relationships should continue. As to that kind of thing happening in mature relationships, if the level of trust has been so eroded that snooping is necessary, the relationship is already in serious trouble. Also, the person doing the snooping may be guilty of the cheating that he or she is obsessed with discovering. There's an old saying, "A person doesn't look behind the bedroom door unless he (or she) has stood there in the past."
I can't think of anything that would be more satisfying than cutting out that column and taping it to her locker. Honestly, I just love the idea. She would be so pissed.
But you know why I'm not going to? I'll give you a hint: it's not because I'm kindhearted or mature.
I'm not going to post it on her locker because she loves the idea of a nemesis, and nothing in the world could bother her more than being totally and completely ignored.
10/19/2006
