19 January 2007
♥ who needs self-help books when you've got the flu?
I hate being sick because it reminds me of all the things I don't like about myself. When I'm stuck at home by myself with nothing to do except watch reruns of VH1's "100 Hottest Hotties" (What the hell is Fergie doing on that list?), I can't help but do some angsting.
For example, I dislike that I'm a petty bitch. I whine about getting dirty looks from my friends' girlfriends, but the truth is, I'd be lying if I said I'd never gone out of my way to make them jealous. On the flipside, who hasn't done that? Then again, it's not exactly a winning quality, pettiness. So from now on, I'm over it. Okay, I don't like your girlfriend. I think you could do way better, I think she's a stupid jealous bitch, I think you're just being desperate. But if I'm going to be a good friend, I'm going to have to stop making it worse.
That brings me to my next point: I'm a terrible friend. For the last... what is it, like eight months? In any case, I've been so wrapped up in myself and my own meaningless problems that I haven't paid nearly enough attention to the things that actually matter. I guess it's time for me to stop whining and feeling sorry for myself for being fucked up and start thinking a little more about everyone else. I could stand to be a little more empathetic, a little more compassionate, a little less cold.
And another thing: I'm too sensitive. I read into everything everyone says. All it takes is one snide comment to completely trash my day. Alright, okay, everyone's not always going to like me. Maybe I need to stop feeding my ego and assuming everyone's out to get me. The truth of the matter is, like it or not, most people probably spend less than a tiny fraction of their day thinking about me. No one devotes entire days to thinking "How am I going to piss her off this time?" or, on the flipside, about how they'll be delighting me with a lovely Kwanzaa surprise. I'm pretty inconsequential in most people's realities, I would imagine. This probably means that very few of what I've considered to be cruel and unnecessary insults actually meant anything more than "Hey, you should fix your necklace. The clasp is showing" kind of thing.
Alright, I guess that's enough self-improvement for one day. I think I should get some credit for realizing that all these things are annoying about me, right?
Mmm... I wish we had some Ramen noodles here. I could really go for some Ramen right now.
For example, I dislike that I'm a petty bitch. I whine about getting dirty looks from my friends' girlfriends, but the truth is, I'd be lying if I said I'd never gone out of my way to make them jealous. On the flipside, who hasn't done that? Then again, it's not exactly a winning quality, pettiness. So from now on, I'm over it. Okay, I don't like your girlfriend. I think you could do way better, I think she's a stupid jealous bitch, I think you're just being desperate. But if I'm going to be a good friend, I'm going to have to stop making it worse.
That brings me to my next point: I'm a terrible friend. For the last... what is it, like eight months? In any case, I've been so wrapped up in myself and my own meaningless problems that I haven't paid nearly enough attention to the things that actually matter. I guess it's time for me to stop whining and feeling sorry for myself for being fucked up and start thinking a little more about everyone else. I could stand to be a little more empathetic, a little more compassionate, a little less cold.
And another thing: I'm too sensitive. I read into everything everyone says. All it takes is one snide comment to completely trash my day. Alright, okay, everyone's not always going to like me. Maybe I need to stop feeding my ego and assuming everyone's out to get me. The truth of the matter is, like it or not, most people probably spend less than a tiny fraction of their day thinking about me. No one devotes entire days to thinking "How am I going to piss her off this time?" or, on the flipside, about how they'll be delighting me with a lovely Kwanzaa surprise. I'm pretty inconsequential in most people's realities, I would imagine. This probably means that very few of what I've considered to be cruel and unnecessary insults actually meant anything more than "Hey, you should fix your necklace. The clasp is showing" kind of thing.
Alright, I guess that's enough self-improvement for one day. I think I should get some credit for realizing that all these things are annoying about me, right?
Mmm... I wish we had some Ramen noodles here. I could really go for some Ramen right now.
1/19/2007
