07 January 2007
♥ time to upgrade?
Alright, so I'm sitting at my kitchen table eating my delicious Yogurt Burst Cheerios (strawberry, of course--try it, they'll change your life) and flipping through the mail, right? And suddenly I come across this box of tampons. Now, first of all, I'm somewhat appalled by the idea of getting tampons in the mail. Sample tampons?! How do I even know where these come from? If I'm going to be sticking ANYTHING up there, I better know where it came from and where it's been. Anyway, I'm scrutinizing this box of bitch supplies and I realize that it's actually more offensive than I'd realized initially.
First of all, the Brady Bunch-era writing on the front says "Time to Upgrade?" in the most obnoxious orange imaginable. Underneath is a picture of a pensive-looking little blond twentysomething, and in her little thought bubble is a befuddled-looking, fat boyfriend holding a six-pack of cheap beer and a bucket of fried chicken. "Hmm," I think to myself, "Just what I don't want when I'm on my period." This all seems reasonable so far, though I think having to look at this unfortunate-looking fellow while my uterus lining falls out would be enough to make me vomit.
Anyway, when you open the little flap, you see the same girl again, though this time she's wearing a considerable cheerier expression. ["Maybe her period's over," I think to myself, "That would be an upgrade!"] No, no. She's still bleeding away, but this time the thought bubble boyfriend is much cuter and better dressed, and he's carrying flowers and a bottle of champagne. "Classy," I say, and then it hits me: What. The. Hell.
Okay, if you're telling me these tampons are such an upgrade, there better be something really great about them. I want freaking silk tampons for the price of this TampaxPearl nonsense, and these suckers are no more helpful than if you used a wad of Kleenex. And if they're such a freaking upgrade, why don't they do something really spectacular, like make your period shorter or have you bleed liquid gold or something?
But wait, they DO apparently do somthing spectacular: stick one of these babies up your yoo-hoo and you'll land yourself a cuter manslave! Um... what? First of all, I don't think anyone even knows what kind of *ahem* sanitary supplies I'm using, and second, what guy goes, "Wow, she's not much of a looker, but she uses TampaxPearl? Classy, sign me up for that!" I mean, come on. Most guys don't want to hang out with their girlfriends during the monthly nightmare anyway, let alone if they actually SEE box of tampons sitting out as evidence. It's very frightening to them.
In any case, moral of the story: TampaxPearl tampons are stupid and overpriced. Don't support their retarded campaign.
First of all, the Brady Bunch-era writing on the front says "Time to Upgrade?" in the most obnoxious orange imaginable. Underneath is a picture of a pensive-looking little blond twentysomething, and in her little thought bubble is a befuddled-looking, fat boyfriend holding a six-pack of cheap beer and a bucket of fried chicken. "Hmm," I think to myself, "Just what I don't want when I'm on my period." This all seems reasonable so far, though I think having to look at this unfortunate-looking fellow while my uterus lining falls out would be enough to make me vomit.
Anyway, when you open the little flap, you see the same girl again, though this time she's wearing a considerable cheerier expression. ["Maybe her period's over," I think to myself, "That would be an upgrade!"] No, no. She's still bleeding away, but this time the thought bubble boyfriend is much cuter and better dressed, and he's carrying flowers and a bottle of champagne. "Classy," I say, and then it hits me: What. The. Hell.
Okay, if you're telling me these tampons are such an upgrade, there better be something really great about them. I want freaking silk tampons for the price of this TampaxPearl nonsense, and these suckers are no more helpful than if you used a wad of Kleenex. And if they're such a freaking upgrade, why don't they do something really spectacular, like make your period shorter or have you bleed liquid gold or something?
But wait, they DO apparently do somthing spectacular: stick one of these babies up your yoo-hoo and you'll land yourself a cuter manslave! Um... what? First of all, I don't think anyone even knows what kind of *ahem* sanitary supplies I'm using, and second, what guy goes, "Wow, she's not much of a looker, but she uses TampaxPearl? Classy, sign me up for that!" I mean, come on. Most guys don't want to hang out with their girlfriends during the monthly nightmare anyway, let alone if they actually SEE box of tampons sitting out as evidence. It's very frightening to them.
In any case, moral of the story: TampaxPearl tampons are stupid and overpriced. Don't support their retarded campaign.
1/07/2007
