18 June 2007
♥ monday morning madness, anyone?
The last several months have definitely gotten me down, not gonna lie. I'm starting to feel like every time things are looking up, something else happens to bring me right back down. It definitely sucks.
But last night I remembered that sometimes, when you least expect it, something nice happens. Not necessarily something monumental or groundbreaking or worth writing home about, just something nice.
This one tiny little thing reminded me that all the daily trials and tribulations that have been getting me down might actually be countered by some positive events. Maybe I should spend a little less time focusing on the negative happenings in my day-to-day reality and not overlook the good things.
And the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how far I've come in the last couple of months. I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I've shown some symptoms of depression for most of my life, especially for the last year and a half or so. It was sort of exacerbated at the end of February by the loss of someone important in my life, and that definitely had me down for a long time. But he's back in my life again, and this time I feel like we're both determined to make a real effort to be friends, which is all I'm really capable of with anyone right now.
Two or three months ago, had someone left a nasty anonymous comment on my blog, I would have gone off the deep end, worrying that everyone hated me, feeling like a loser, wondering if they were right. But you know what? I saw one this morning and laughed. Yeah, I do feel popular because Hattie Cutcliffe gave me her number. Have you ever met that girl? She's pretty much the coolest thing ever, and I admire and respect her more than most. I think we could all take a lesson from Hattie, because she is self-assured and confident and hardworking and she's nice to absolutely everyone, even the kids who aren't "popular." I think it's kind of funny, actually, how this anonymous commenter (who spelled "like" wrong, by the way) acts like they're so cool, like they don't care what anyone thinks, they're way above being excited about popularity... but still a little worried about retribution if their name is associated with their comments.
Aside from writing this little reprimand to my anonymous friend, I also blocked anonymous comments from being posted on this site. If you don't have the balls to just say who you are, I'm not going to bother to read what you have to say. Grow up and get a life.
Anyway, sorry for the little tangent. I know that every entry for the last month or so has been like "Oh man! I'm feeling better! Stuff rocks! I'm happy! I'm okay! Everything's getting better!" which is probably getting annoying for all, what, 2 + anonymous of my readers? I guess as much as actually feeling better, I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that it's all working, that I'm actually making progress towards, you know, being a normal person again rather than a neurotic basket case. (It does keep things interesting, though.)
But lately I really have been feeling more confident. I was worried before my first day at my new job, but I relaxed enough to make conversation with everyone, and I'm feeling pretty good about the whole work situation now. I was convinced that it would be really awkward to hang out with Branden last week, but it wasn't at all; it was just like it was when we were friends back in the day, which was exactly what I was hoping for. I'm not exactly happy that the entire cheerleading squad is gossiping about me, but I care less than I'd expected. They can think what they want; how is it really going to affect me?
Of course little shitty things are still going to happen, and I guess that's just life. Yeah, when I hear bad news, I'm still going to feel sad or angry or whatever, but I don't always have to let it ruin my day. Taking things as they come and letting things roll off your back is way easier said than done, but I guess I'm willing to give it a shot.
I mean, what have I got to lose?
But last night I remembered that sometimes, when you least expect it, something nice happens. Not necessarily something monumental or groundbreaking or worth writing home about, just something nice.
This one tiny little thing reminded me that all the daily trials and tribulations that have been getting me down might actually be countered by some positive events. Maybe I should spend a little less time focusing on the negative happenings in my day-to-day reality and not overlook the good things.
And the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how far I've come in the last couple of months. I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I've shown some symptoms of depression for most of my life, especially for the last year and a half or so. It was sort of exacerbated at the end of February by the loss of someone important in my life, and that definitely had me down for a long time. But he's back in my life again, and this time I feel like we're both determined to make a real effort to be friends, which is all I'm really capable of with anyone right now.
Two or three months ago, had someone left a nasty anonymous comment on my blog, I would have gone off the deep end, worrying that everyone hated me, feeling like a loser, wondering if they were right. But you know what? I saw one this morning and laughed. Yeah, I do feel popular because Hattie Cutcliffe gave me her number. Have you ever met that girl? She's pretty much the coolest thing ever, and I admire and respect her more than most. I think we could all take a lesson from Hattie, because she is self-assured and confident and hardworking and she's nice to absolutely everyone, even the kids who aren't "popular." I think it's kind of funny, actually, how this anonymous commenter (who spelled "like" wrong, by the way) acts like they're so cool, like they don't care what anyone thinks, they're way above being excited about popularity... but still a little worried about retribution if their name is associated with their comments.
Aside from writing this little reprimand to my anonymous friend, I also blocked anonymous comments from being posted on this site. If you don't have the balls to just say who you are, I'm not going to bother to read what you have to say. Grow up and get a life.
Anyway, sorry for the little tangent. I know that every entry for the last month or so has been like "Oh man! I'm feeling better! Stuff rocks! I'm happy! I'm okay! Everything's getting better!" which is probably getting annoying for all, what, 2 + anonymous of my readers? I guess as much as actually feeling better, I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that it's all working, that I'm actually making progress towards, you know, being a normal person again rather than a neurotic basket case. (It does keep things interesting, though.)
But lately I really have been feeling more confident. I was worried before my first day at my new job, but I relaxed enough to make conversation with everyone, and I'm feeling pretty good about the whole work situation now. I was convinced that it would be really awkward to hang out with Branden last week, but it wasn't at all; it was just like it was when we were friends back in the day, which was exactly what I was hoping for. I'm not exactly happy that the entire cheerleading squad is gossiping about me, but I care less than I'd expected. They can think what they want; how is it really going to affect me?
Of course little shitty things are still going to happen, and I guess that's just life. Yeah, when I hear bad news, I'm still going to feel sad or angry or whatever, but I don't always have to let it ruin my day. Taking things as they come and letting things roll off your back is way easier said than done, but I guess I'm willing to give it a shot.
I mean, what have I got to lose?
6/18/2007
