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10 July 2007

♥ international bullshitters, analyzed to the max.

I realize that this is going to sound incredibly nerdy, but I've been thinking a lot this summer about IB. I've been thinking about my extended essay (shut up, I don't want to hear it) and all the summer homework I have to do and, most importantly, about how junior year was undeniably the most miserable of my life, save the year I was twelve and had be the gator mascot for SLHS at seven consecutive basketball games. That was a rough one. Given, the blame for the general shittiness of the year can't be placed entirely on the shoulders of the IB program; in addition, I had a creepy stalker ex whose goal was to make my life miserable, a turbulent relationship and eventual less-than-pleasant breakup, the widening of a gap between myself and my best friend, the diagnosis of clinical major depressive disorder, bulimia nervosa, and a number of various other stressors that I can't be sure will go away any more than I can those aforementioned.

Thus, I've come to a fairly disturbing realization: I have a really big choice to make. I can stay in IB and feel good about the fact that I stuck it out but have a miserable time trying, or I can drop IB, ditch the extended essay, and have a nice, relaxed senior year with plenty of time to pull my shitty grades back up. In keeping with my mother's sage advice, I've decided to make a list of pros and cons implied by staying in the IB program to help weigh my decision. Fortunately, my mother will never read this, meaning that she won't know I'm following her frequently dispensed (though rarely solicited) advice.

PROS:
  • No dumb kids in my classes. I don't know if I could handle those idiots.
  • There's something kind of charming about the camraderie involved with IB kids. We stick together, pretty much.
  • I like my friends.
  • As much as I hate to admit it, it would be nice to actually learn something.
  • I don't want to be a quitter... I mean, I've come this far, right?
  • Not having to deal with Tucker's famous "You're ruining your life by dropping out" speech.
CONS:
  • Not having to deal with Tucker, period.
  • Writing my extended essay.
  • Another semester of TOK.
  • IAs.
  • IB exams, one of which I've already managed to fail.
  • What else are my 3 AP credits going to be used for?
  • Math and bio. Eww.
  • It would be nice to not be the biggest idiot in the class for once...
  • I might, you know, be sane again if I didn't have IB in my life.
And through it all, there's one little thing weighing on the back of my mind. Jesus H. Christ, this is getting unreasonable.

♥ the best is yet to be.
7/10/2007

♥ yours truly. ;

    "And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep." --Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

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