17 September 2007
♥ new building, same old idiots.
Lakewood High was lucky enough to be the recipient of an entirely new building beginning with the 2007-08 school year. I have mixed feelings on this, but overall, it's nice to go to school somewhere that doesn't smell like ass. Unfortunately, the change in location doesn't change the fact that my school is full of retards.
I like to call this the petri dish of retards, since the atrium is basically a breeding ground for Lakewood's best and brightest (not). This particular sample includes several species of Retardus, most of which colonize together at the black spots commonly known as tables.
The specimen in the lower left-hand corner of this view are of the genus Retardus couplus. One couplus appears to be wearing a red shirt; it is sitting on its apparent significant other's lap. This particular species is extremely clingy and can often be seen reproducing. Unfortunately, Retardus couplus reproduction is not asexual.
In the approximate middle of our little petri dish we have the classic Retardus jockus. This species is basically useless except for about one week out of the school year: homecoming. The LHS colony is never very good, save for a short-lived winning streak a year or so ago. Oddly enough, this particular colony seems to have found itself quite the novelty: they have a book open on the table! Presumably, as most jocki are incapable of reading, this book was stolen from a Retardus nerdus or is the property of some unfortunate Retardus freshmanus, a particularly inept version of the nerdus genus.
Finally, the life forms that appear to be trees are actually cleverly designed trash receptacles. Though they are surrounded by actual trash cans (those large, plastic-lined gray containers), many Retardi insist on placing gum, moldy homework, and other garbage in the gigantic pots containing the trees. Behaviorists, along with LHS administration, is still working to discover the cause of this irritating habit.
Do you see why I spend as little time as possible in the atrium?
9/17/2007
