08 October 2007

• Indians! The phrase "Native American" is a bit cumbersome, but thanks to Columbus, who thought he'd reached Asia, we get to call them Indians when we think no one is paying close attention.
• Virgins! Even though most people don't think of warm, beautiful islands as great places to be virgins, Columbus gives us a new outlook on islands / virginity by naming the "Virgin Islands." Actually, that's not entirely accurate. Originally, it was called "Santa Ursula y las Once Mil Virgenes," or "Saint Ursula and the Eleven Thousand Virgins." You can see why they changed the name.
• Nifty globes! Although I feel that silly little cube globes would be way cooler than the ones we have now (and they would make more sense when you tried to flatten them out), it was Columbus who figured out that the earth was actually not a piece of paper.
• Turtles! The Cayman Islands were actually once dubbed "Las Tortugas" because there were gazillions of turtles there. This one is twofold: a) the Caymans are warm and lovely to visit, and b) turtles are freaking adorable if slightly stinky.
• Crappy family vacations! If you have relatives in the soul-crushingly boring Columbus, Ohio, or the equally uninteresting Columbus, South Carolina, you know what I'm talking about.

I guess that's about it. So next time you're feeling like Columbus day is a completely worthless holiday, check the little list and remember that you owe Columbus quite a lot, even if he wasn't actually the first guy to find America.