29 November 2007
♥ thrilling thursday, kinda.
In every day, there is good and bad. Some days are better, some are worse, but always, there is balance.
There are days when you manage to get along with everyone, days when you feel pretty, days when everyone says your outfit is cute, days when people laugh at your jokes, days when you feel intelligent. There are days when you feel like perhaps all that talk about being one of a million wasn't so right after all, like maybe you are one in a million, like maybe you are truly exceptional.
There are days when your adviser tells you you're fat and that your eyeliner makes you look like a zombie, days when you can't help laughing at the word "toiletry" as you read the morning announcements over the PA, days when you miserably fail the biology quiz, and the math test, and the history essay. There are days when your car's in the shop and your best friend convinces you that a nonexistent study session is taking place in English, meaning you have to wait around for two hours with absolutely nothing to do.
I've had all those days this week... I'm ready for the weekend.
There are days when you manage to get along with everyone, days when you feel pretty, days when everyone says your outfit is cute, days when people laugh at your jokes, days when you feel intelligent. There are days when you feel like perhaps all that talk about being one of a million wasn't so right after all, like maybe you are one in a million, like maybe you are truly exceptional.
There are days when your adviser tells you you're fat and that your eyeliner makes you look like a zombie, days when you can't help laughing at the word "toiletry" as you read the morning announcements over the PA, days when you miserably fail the biology quiz, and the math test, and the history essay. There are days when your car's in the shop and your best friend convinces you that a nonexistent study session is taking place in English, meaning you have to wait around for two hours with absolutely nothing to do.
I've had all those days this week... I'm ready for the weekend.
11/29/2007
28 November 2007
♥ how come i'd never hear you say
"I just wanna be with you"?
I guess you never felt that way
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I guess you never felt that way
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Go ahead and mock me all you want, but I love Kelly Clarkson and I don't care who knows it.
11/28/2007
26 November 2007
♥ now they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat...
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
11/26/2007
25 November 2007
♥ break is almost over,
and I'm wishing it would never end. I'm wishing every night meant trips to Ishtar (legal or no), meeting up with old friends, wild parties for just the two of us, driving down Colfax at a million miles an hour, falling asleep in Lexi's oh-so-comfy bed,
and, of course,
falling in love all over again.
and, of course,
falling in love all over again.
11/25/2007
22 November 2007
♥ finally!
My TOGay essay is finished, and I hate the word judgment. There should be an "e" in there between the "g" and the "m," but there isn't. Why would you put all those gutteral sounds in there next to each other? It's ridiculous.
11/22/2007
♥ my toGAY essay
is now officially two days late. But the good news is, I'm getting a start on it. Kind of.
...I hate Dr. Neal.
...I hate Dr. Neal.
11/22/2007
19 November 2007
♥ sometimes my parents are really, really unfair.
Don't you just love retroactive punishments?
11/19/2007
♥ ugh
Nothing like good old school to jerk you back into reality.
11/19/2007
18 November 2007
♥ if math were a race of people, i would embrace its genocide.
...ugh.
11/18/2007
♥ lazy sunday.
Today was one of those days where I was reminded that there is balance in the universe, as difficult as that may be to believe sometimes.
Last week, for instance, was the week from hell. Between my history IA, stress about college, and about a thousand fights with my mother, I was beginning to think I might not make it.
But today I remembered why I bother.
Today I remembered that after weeks of unwarranted stress, there is sleeping in with your best friend in the comfiest bed in the world.
There is brunch at a fancy hotel.
There are eighteen sprees involving Santa Fe Triple X (they don’t ID), ridiculous lighters, and copious amounts of Primetimes.
There are early Thanksgivings with your boyfriend’s family (it doesn’t quite make sense, but that’s why I like it).
There is housesitting, which almost always results in bad choices.
There is getting caught by your best friend’s dad with a bag full of dirty, dirty porn (we were just going to throw it away, I swear).
There is driving the Loser Cruiser at a hundred miles an hour, blasting Eminem and rapping “White America” at the top of your little white girl lungs.
There is lying around and doing absolutely nothing.
There is visiting a place where you used to work and letting your nasty old manager see how much better you have it (and, more importantly, remembering how glad you are not to work there anymore).
There are little trysts with a certain someone, where you giggle and tell each other secrets, things you never thought you’d say aloud to anyone, and maybe remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.
There is staying up late, knowing you have to get up early the next morning, and being okay with it, because sometimes that’s just how things go.
There is living it up again, and laughing and playing and not just watching the world go by.
This is why I’m in love with life, in love with the world, in love with everyone I meet. It’s real, it’s a mess, and it’s absolutely perfect.
Last week, for instance, was the week from hell. Between my history IA, stress about college, and about a thousand fights with my mother, I was beginning to think I might not make it.
But today I remembered why I bother.
Today I remembered that after weeks of unwarranted stress, there is sleeping in with your best friend in the comfiest bed in the world.
There is brunch at a fancy hotel.
There are eighteen sprees involving Santa Fe Triple X (they don’t ID), ridiculous lighters, and copious amounts of Primetimes.
There are early Thanksgivings with your boyfriend’s family (it doesn’t quite make sense, but that’s why I like it).
There is housesitting, which almost always results in bad choices.
There is getting caught by your best friend’s dad with a bag full of dirty, dirty porn (we were just going to throw it away, I swear).
There is driving the Loser Cruiser at a hundred miles an hour, blasting Eminem and rapping “White America” at the top of your little white girl lungs.
There is lying around and doing absolutely nothing.
There is visiting a place where you used to work and letting your nasty old manager see how much better you have it (and, more importantly, remembering how glad you are not to work there anymore).
There are little trysts with a certain someone, where you giggle and tell each other secrets, things you never thought you’d say aloud to anyone, and maybe remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.
There is staying up late, knowing you have to get up early the next morning, and being okay with it, because sometimes that’s just how things go.
There is living it up again, and laughing and playing and not just watching the world go by.
This is why I’m in love with life, in love with the world, in love with everyone I meet. It’s real, it’s a mess, and it’s absolutely perfect.
11/18/2007
16 November 2007
♥ but evan... apples are just so delicious!
"How am I supposed to load the bowl when you guys keep eating the pipe?"
11/16/2007
♥ it's 2 in the morning.
I should be asleep; I'm getting up in less than four hours. Tomorrow is going to be a comfy (read: ugly) day.
At least my IA is finally done.
At least my IA is finally done.
11/16/2007
15 November 2007
♥ baby steps, i guess.
I'm officially a third of the way done with my history IA. Now all I have to do is evaluate two of my sources, analyze everything, conclude, and cite tons of sources I never used. This shouldn't be too bad.
Maybe I'll get, like, two hours of sleep tonight... If I'm lucky.
Maybe I'll get, like, two hours of sleep tonight... If I'm lucky.
11/15/2007
♥ it's that magical time of year
when all the couples start breaking up. You know, the people you thought were perfect for each other, who, for better or for worse, would be together forever? They're all breaking up. It's over, done, fin.
I know it's none of my business, but I can't help worrying about where I'll be next year. Will I spend another eight months feeling lonely, confused, and abandoned? Will I be the one to move on first this time? What will happen to me and the person I thought I'd never find?
You never expect to hate someone when you're with them, but once it's all over and everything is just a fading memory, I guess that happens a lot. Which brings me to my real question:
Is love enough?
I know it's none of my business, but I can't help worrying about where I'll be next year. Will I spend another eight months feeling lonely, confused, and abandoned? Will I be the one to move on first this time? What will happen to me and the person I thought I'd never find?
You never expect to hate someone when you're with them, but once it's all over and everything is just a fading memory, I guess that happens a lot. Which brings me to my real question:
Is love enough?
11/15/2007
11 November 2007
♥ first-timer!
E: So, what do you think?
K: I feel like I've never been smart, ever. Also, I had to check that there was a door here.
K: I feel like I've never been smart, ever. Also, I had to check that there was a door here.
11/11/2007
07 November 2007
♥ i guess we're 0 and 2.
Turns out, being sick all the time is kind of a lonely business.
11/07/2007
06 November 2007
♥ my dog is shedding
And we're out of ginger ale. I hate being sick.
11/06/2007
05 November 2007
♥ all work and no play makes me a dull girl!
I absolutely despise biology, and mock trial, and just about everything else. I'm getting more and more frustrated with pretty much everything in my life, except for maybe a few particular people (you know who you are). This weekend better be fabulous.
11/05/2007
♥ right, of course!
Yozri Yirgg: unless you think beaten puppies are funny
Yozri Yirgg: in which case, you're a horrible person
titothegreat2008: no, i don't, i love puppies!
Yozri Yirgg: don't what?
Yozri Yirgg: beat puppies?
titothegreat2008: i don't think beaten puppies are funny!
Yozri Yirgg: alright, good
Yozri Yirgg: then why do you keep bringing them up?
titothegreat2008: what?!
Yozri Yirgg: you're sick.
titothegreat2008: i haven't brought them up once!
Yozri Yirgg: oh, right
Yozri Yirgg: that was me
Yozri Yirgg: in which case, you're a horrible person
titothegreat2008: no, i don't, i love puppies!
Yozri Yirgg: don't what?
Yozri Yirgg: beat puppies?
titothegreat2008: i don't think beaten puppies are funny!
Yozri Yirgg: alright, good
Yozri Yirgg: then why do you keep bringing them up?
titothegreat2008: what?!
Yozri Yirgg: you're sick.
titothegreat2008: i haven't brought them up once!
Yozri Yirgg: oh, right
Yozri Yirgg: that was me
11/05/2007
♥ don't know how to get you out of this one
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and I would've stayed up
with you all night
had I known
how to save a life
11/05/2007
04 November 2007
♥ i love being brown!
Here is why I am Indian:
--I have my nose pierced.
--I wore a red dress to prom last year!
--I like rice.
--And tea, not chai.
--I listen to awesome music, like "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom."
--I know what Diwali is! Do you know what Diwali is?
--I even know that you're supposed to say "Di-vah-li."
--Most importantly, my BFF is also brown.
I don't think being Indian could possibly be any cooler. I wish I actually was.
--I have my nose pierced.
--I wore a red dress to prom last year!
--I like rice.
--And tea, not chai.
--I listen to awesome music, like "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom."
--I know what Diwali is! Do you know what Diwali is?
--I even know that you're supposed to say "Di-vah-li."
--Most importantly, my BFF is also brown.
I don't think being Indian could possibly be any cooler. I wish I actually was.
11/04/2007
♥ oh, blair, this is why we keep you around.
Yozri Yirgg: well, of the 0 girls I have met from greenland, they have all been either attractive or unattractive
11/04/2007
♥ and cheesecake, also.
There's something about watching crackass 90's movies with your best friends that makes writing college essays seem much less daunting.
11/04/2007
03 November 2007
♥ and so i finally found the light at the end of the tunnel.
This site has long been the perfect outlet for sharing my innermost thoughts, though it's gotten me into trouble more times than I'd ever imagined. I started it in March 2005, when I was barely fifteen and barely out of middle school.
I've had some truly life-changing experiences since then, and my little blog has chronicled them with more honestly than I'm able to shell out to most people I know.
Three years later, here I am, getting ready to enter the real world and feeling absolutely terrified about it. I'm writing an essay that I'm hoping will get me into college, and my best friend has suggested that rather than writing the gazillionth essay about helping people and learning to share, I write something funny and clever. She says I should just find something here, clean up the profanity a little (whoops), and send it off.
So I'm taking her advice. I just looked through the archives and remembered everything I've felt since I was fifteen. I remembered bliss, heartbreak, anger, love, ignorance and the nasty feeling when you're jilted out of it. I remembered all those feelings, and I realized something bigger than myself:
I realized that I am ready. I'm not perfect. I'm not brilliant. I'm not going to Harvard; in fact, I'm not even applying anywhere Ivy-league. But what I am is a girl whose experiences have led me to a place where even when I'm not sure what I want, I can cope. I can deal. I can figure it out.
I have met some truly amazing people in my life, and, for better or for worse, I'm not going to forget them. Even if Kayla is at Claremont-McKenna and Kelsey is at Yale and Matt is playing hockey up north and everything changes so that all I have left of these years are a few sappy entries on this blog, I will become the person I feel like when I'm with those people.
As terrifying as it may be, I can't wait for the future, whatever it may bring.
I've had some truly life-changing experiences since then, and my little blog has chronicled them with more honestly than I'm able to shell out to most people I know.
Three years later, here I am, getting ready to enter the real world and feeling absolutely terrified about it. I'm writing an essay that I'm hoping will get me into college, and my best friend has suggested that rather than writing the gazillionth essay about helping people and learning to share, I write something funny and clever. She says I should just find something here, clean up the profanity a little (whoops), and send it off.
So I'm taking her advice. I just looked through the archives and remembered everything I've felt since I was fifteen. I remembered bliss, heartbreak, anger, love, ignorance and the nasty feeling when you're jilted out of it. I remembered all those feelings, and I realized something bigger than myself:
I realized that I am ready. I'm not perfect. I'm not brilliant. I'm not going to Harvard; in fact, I'm not even applying anywhere Ivy-league. But what I am is a girl whose experiences have led me to a place where even when I'm not sure what I want, I can cope. I can deal. I can figure it out.
I have met some truly amazing people in my life, and, for better or for worse, I'm not going to forget them. Even if Kayla is at Claremont-McKenna and Kelsey is at Yale and Matt is playing hockey up north and everything changes so that all I have left of these years are a few sappy entries on this blog, I will become the person I feel like when I'm with those people.
As terrifying as it may be, I can't wait for the future, whatever it may bring.
11/03/2007
♥ living in b.f.e. is so not worth it.
Do people who live in real cities have power outages in the middle of the day for no particular reason? Hello, college essay, it's nice to meet you. It's so lovely that you're all finished. What's that? You have to go because the power is out and there's no way you can possibly be saved or revived in any way? I have to start all over?
Well that's just wonderful. Great. Awesome. Perfect. As if I wasn't worried about getting into college before.
Well that's just wonderful. Great. Awesome. Perfect. As if I wasn't worried about getting into college before.
11/03/2007
♥ i hate college applications. hate them.
I've discovered that the longer I wait to write this stupid essay, or fill out these countless forms, or ask various teachers to write me letters of recommendation, the more hopeless this whole process seems. I hate high school so much I can hardly stand it, but I'm beginning to worry that these might be my glory days. If the actual college experience is anything like the application process itself, there's no way this is going to be any better.
11/03/2007
02 November 2007
♥ you are
my perfect secret.
11/02/2007
01 November 2007
♥ um... what. what is this.
There are a lot of jobs I probably wouldn't be good at. I don't think I would make a good accountant, because I'm terrible at math. I would never be a pediatrician, because whiney children make me more than a little bit twitchy. And until yesterday, I didn't think I would make a very good event planner.
But on the way home last night, I finally convinced Matt that we should listen to something other than Coheed and Cambria, because Claudio's voice was making me feel like clawing my ears off. We settled on 93.3, where the DJ was announcing that Queens of the Stone age were to play a concert later this month in Germany.
In a salt mine.
Here's where my little world was turned completely upside down. My reactions were as follows:
1. What the hell?
2. Air?
3. Collapsing?
I was virtually speechles for about thirty seconds, which, as many of you know, is a pretty long time for me.
I did a little digging (haha, sorry) and discovered that the mine is in Sonderhausen, Germany, and that tickets are available only to "winners of various worldwide competitions."
Like what? Holding your breath for a really long time? Escaping from a collapsed mine?
How are they even going to get all those people a mile underground? And when they do, won't everyone suffocate? And even if they don't, won't the loud instruments cause the mine to collapse?
Whose idea was this thing, anyway? Who woke up one morning and said, "You know what? I think maybe I'll have a rock band play in a salt mine."
Shouldn't the miners be mining salt or something? How do you clean up a venue like that? Is this a joke? Is someone doing this because they hate Queens of the Stone Age and want them to die? Did no one bother to tell their manager that this was a completely retarded idea?
All I'm gonna say is, on November 21, I expect to wake up to headlines about a collapsed minefull of rock stars and idiot fans somewhere in Germany.
But on the way home last night, I finally convinced Matt that we should listen to something other than Coheed and Cambria, because Claudio's voice was making me feel like clawing my ears off. We settled on 93.3, where the DJ was announcing that Queens of the Stone age were to play a concert later this month in Germany.
In a salt mine.
Here's where my little world was turned completely upside down. My reactions were as follows:
1. What the hell?
2. Air?
3. Collapsing?
I was virtually speechles for about thirty seconds, which, as many of you know, is a pretty long time for me.
I did a little digging (haha, sorry) and discovered that the mine is in Sonderhausen, Germany, and that tickets are available only to "winners of various worldwide competitions."
Like what? Holding your breath for a really long time? Escaping from a collapsed mine?
How are they even going to get all those people a mile underground? And when they do, won't everyone suffocate? And even if they don't, won't the loud instruments cause the mine to collapse?
Whose idea was this thing, anyway? Who woke up one morning and said, "You know what? I think maybe I'll have a rock band play in a salt mine."
Shouldn't the miners be mining salt or something? How do you clean up a venue like that? Is this a joke? Is someone doing this because they hate Queens of the Stone Age and want them to die? Did no one bother to tell their manager that this was a completely retarded idea?
All I'm gonna say is, on November 21, I expect to wake up to headlines about a collapsed minefull of rock stars and idiot fans somewhere in Germany.
11/01/2007
