03 November 2007
♥ and so i finally found the light at the end of the tunnel.
This site has long been the perfect outlet for sharing my innermost thoughts, though it's gotten me into trouble more times than I'd ever imagined. I started it in March 2005, when I was barely fifteen and barely out of middle school.
I've had some truly life-changing experiences since then, and my little blog has chronicled them with more honestly than I'm able to shell out to most people I know.
Three years later, here I am, getting ready to enter the real world and feeling absolutely terrified about it. I'm writing an essay that I'm hoping will get me into college, and my best friend has suggested that rather than writing the gazillionth essay about helping people and learning to share, I write something funny and clever. She says I should just find something here, clean up the profanity a little (whoops), and send it off.
So I'm taking her advice. I just looked through the archives and remembered everything I've felt since I was fifteen. I remembered bliss, heartbreak, anger, love, ignorance and the nasty feeling when you're jilted out of it. I remembered all those feelings, and I realized something bigger than myself:
I realized that I am ready. I'm not perfect. I'm not brilliant. I'm not going to Harvard; in fact, I'm not even applying anywhere Ivy-league. But what I am is a girl whose experiences have led me to a place where even when I'm not sure what I want, I can cope. I can deal. I can figure it out.
I have met some truly amazing people in my life, and, for better or for worse, I'm not going to forget them. Even if Kayla is at Claremont-McKenna and Kelsey is at Yale and Matt is playing hockey up north and everything changes so that all I have left of these years are a few sappy entries on this blog, I will become the person I feel like when I'm with those people.
As terrifying as it may be, I can't wait for the future, whatever it may bring.
I've had some truly life-changing experiences since then, and my little blog has chronicled them with more honestly than I'm able to shell out to most people I know.
Three years later, here I am, getting ready to enter the real world and feeling absolutely terrified about it. I'm writing an essay that I'm hoping will get me into college, and my best friend has suggested that rather than writing the gazillionth essay about helping people and learning to share, I write something funny and clever. She says I should just find something here, clean up the profanity a little (whoops), and send it off.
So I'm taking her advice. I just looked through the archives and remembered everything I've felt since I was fifteen. I remembered bliss, heartbreak, anger, love, ignorance and the nasty feeling when you're jilted out of it. I remembered all those feelings, and I realized something bigger than myself:
I realized that I am ready. I'm not perfect. I'm not brilliant. I'm not going to Harvard; in fact, I'm not even applying anywhere Ivy-league. But what I am is a girl whose experiences have led me to a place where even when I'm not sure what I want, I can cope. I can deal. I can figure it out.
I have met some truly amazing people in my life, and, for better or for worse, I'm not going to forget them. Even if Kayla is at Claremont-McKenna and Kelsey is at Yale and Matt is playing hockey up north and everything changes so that all I have left of these years are a few sappy entries on this blog, I will become the person I feel like when I'm with those people.
As terrifying as it may be, I can't wait for the future, whatever it may bring.
11/03/2007
