18 February 2008
♥ a million years old but just a little girl.
I'm sitting in bed eating copious amounts of the chocolate Matt gave me for Valentine's Day. I keep thinking about how I wish the wind would die down so I could go for a run; I haven't done a damn thing in four days and I feel positively obese.
There is no one else home, and the wind is beating against the sides of our little old house. It sounds pretty violent out there. My plants all look kind of dead, even though I swear I haven't forgotten to water them in weeks. They're counteracting my attempts to freshen up my room by making it look like I just kill anything that comes in here.
Overall, today is not a particularly enjoyable day. The four-day weekend is over tomorrow, meaning we have to get back to stupid school and all the work that comes with it. I feel lethargic and unattractive and generally repulsive in every sense of the word.
But then I look at the chocolates, my greatest weakness, and I remember something. Not only does it occur to me that the light AND dark ones with the white chocolate squiggles on top have cherry filling, mmm, but also that sometimes we find the loveliest things in the most unexpected of places.
I never expected to meet someone I would fall completely head over heels for while bagging groceries at King Sooper's. Not exactly the most romantic and poignant love story, but enduring nonetheless. I never expected I would meet someone there who would not only bring me chocolate (dammit) and flowers and cute teddy bears on Valentine's Day, but also do that thing I always hoped someone would do--remember every other day of the year.
I'm into grand gestures, which was probably why my first real relationship lasted as long as it did. I like when someone makes a big deal over my birthday or brings me flowers after we fight or on our little month-iversaries or for no reason at all. I like being surprised with coffee at work and brought presents just because. I like stuff like that, which is probably why my next relationship turned out to be a bust for both of us: I expected in general; he expected fewer expectations. Tragic.
But there is something here I've never felt before. There are no expectations. There is no pressure. There are no lies or secrets, there is no cheating, there is no reason for anyone not to trust anyone else. I've never felt more like someone really loved me for exactly who I am, not just for who I'm not or what they wish I was.
I love that he remembered Valentine's Day. I love that he made a big deal of it. But what I really, really love, even more than these damn chocolates I can't stop eating, is that he loves me just as much every other day of the year. I love that I have finally found someone who doesn't make me cry on holidays, or when things aren't going his way, or just because he can.
I love that even if we didn't meet in a cute, story-you-tell-your-grandkids kind of way, I'm in the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and that six months later, jokes about our potentially gay supervisor Vance and proper bagging technique are still fair game.
I love that love comes to me a lot more easily now than I ever thought it would again. I love that even when I can't stop eating chocolate, which I can't, I'm still pretty content with my lot in life.
I love that no matter what happens next year, I've met someone I'll want to never forget, no matter what.
There is no one else home, and the wind is beating against the sides of our little old house. It sounds pretty violent out there. My plants all look kind of dead, even though I swear I haven't forgotten to water them in weeks. They're counteracting my attempts to freshen up my room by making it look like I just kill anything that comes in here.
Overall, today is not a particularly enjoyable day. The four-day weekend is over tomorrow, meaning we have to get back to stupid school and all the work that comes with it. I feel lethargic and unattractive and generally repulsive in every sense of the word.
But then I look at the chocolates, my greatest weakness, and I remember something. Not only does it occur to me that the light AND dark ones with the white chocolate squiggles on top have cherry filling, mmm, but also that sometimes we find the loveliest things in the most unexpected of places.
I never expected to meet someone I would fall completely head over heels for while bagging groceries at King Sooper's. Not exactly the most romantic and poignant love story, but enduring nonetheless. I never expected I would meet someone there who would not only bring me chocolate (dammit) and flowers and cute teddy bears on Valentine's Day, but also do that thing I always hoped someone would do--remember every other day of the year.
I'm into grand gestures, which was probably why my first real relationship lasted as long as it did. I like when someone makes a big deal over my birthday or brings me flowers after we fight or on our little month-iversaries or for no reason at all. I like being surprised with coffee at work and brought presents just because. I like stuff like that, which is probably why my next relationship turned out to be a bust for both of us: I expected in general; he expected fewer expectations. Tragic.
But there is something here I've never felt before. There are no expectations. There is no pressure. There are no lies or secrets, there is no cheating, there is no reason for anyone not to trust anyone else. I've never felt more like someone really loved me for exactly who I am, not just for who I'm not or what they wish I was.
I love that he remembered Valentine's Day. I love that he made a big deal of it. But what I really, really love, even more than these damn chocolates I can't stop eating, is that he loves me just as much every other day of the year. I love that I have finally found someone who doesn't make me cry on holidays, or when things aren't going his way, or just because he can.
I love that even if we didn't meet in a cute, story-you-tell-your-grandkids kind of way, I'm in the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and that six months later, jokes about our potentially gay supervisor Vance and proper bagging technique are still fair game.
I love that love comes to me a lot more easily now than I ever thought it would again. I love that even when I can't stop eating chocolate, which I can't, I'm still pretty content with my lot in life.
I love that no matter what happens next year, I've met someone I'll want to never forget, no matter what.
2/18/2008
