17 March 2008
♥ inaudible melodies
Kayla hates Jack Johnson. She hates, hates, hates him with the fiery passion of several women scorned. Perhaps they are ex-lovers. In any case, my best friend seems to be in the majority here; everyone hates Jack Johnson and I just can't understand why! I feel like he's inoffensive at worst. How can you hate someone who's made a career out of general pleasantness?!
In part to spite Kayla but mostly just because I'm so crazy about him, I spend a lot of time listening to Jack. Did you know he was once in a surfing accident that resulted in 150 stitches on his face and kept him out of the water for two months? I heard that on the radio. I like Jack Johnson.
Anyway, I was listening to Kayla's very favorite song of Jack's, "Banana Pancakes," on the way to school this morning, and I got to thinking how lovely it would be to date him. He would sing me songs and play his ukelele, which I'm positive is much sexier than it sounds! I also really like his stubble. Stubble is in.
But alas, a boyfriend like Jack Johnson is precisely the last thing I need: if, by some miracle, I were to leap out of bed when the alarm went off and start getting ready to leave, which I think might be a sign of the apocalypse, it would probably be best if Jack said, "Have a good day at work, honey!" and sent me down the road with some delicious banana pancakes in my tummy.
But Jack would not do this. He would pull me back into bed, where I would be unable to resist his sexy stubble, and insist that I spend the day at home with him, avoiding the unpleasant weather outside and enjoying pancakes and sex all day. Who would choose work and rain over pancakes and sex with Jack Johnson? Kayla might, but that's only because she's a woman scorned. I would not choose work over this very appealing option.
Furthermore, he totally gets women. He understands that "maybe" actually means "no," so when he asks if I think I will be going to work and I say "maybe," he will get out the griddle and start making my pancakes. I also like that he would make me breakfast, because I really like breakfast, especially pancakes. Especially banana pancakes.
We would probably have our wedding on the beach. It only makes sense with Jack Johnson as the groom. Kayla would make a big stink about the whole thing and insist that no, she would not be my maid of honor because she can't stand Jack, and when I press the issue she'll finally confess that yes, they are ex-lovers. Of course, when I find this out, I'll have to leave Jack, sexy stubble and all, because my friendship with Kayla will be at stake.
His next album, as you can imagine, will be considerably gloomier. I'm Jack's Yoko Ono. I've ruined his musical career, and he can't believe he ended up losing me to stupid Kayla, who never really liked him that much in the first place. (You shouldn't have cheated on him with Conor, you dirty whore. You knew what that would do to Jack!)
Alas. Perhaps my very own wonderful boyfriend will make me some delicious pancakes and insist that I not get anything done, since he knows how I feel about breakfast and sleeping in.
In part to spite Kayla but mostly just because I'm so crazy about him, I spend a lot of time listening to Jack. Did you know he was once in a surfing accident that resulted in 150 stitches on his face and kept him out of the water for two months? I heard that on the radio. I like Jack Johnson.
Anyway, I was listening to Kayla's very favorite song of Jack's, "Banana Pancakes," on the way to school this morning, and I got to thinking how lovely it would be to date him. He would sing me songs and play his ukelele, which I'm positive is much sexier than it sounds! I also really like his stubble. Stubble is in.
But alas, a boyfriend like Jack Johnson is precisely the last thing I need: if, by some miracle, I were to leap out of bed when the alarm went off and start getting ready to leave, which I think might be a sign of the apocalypse, it would probably be best if Jack said, "Have a good day at work, honey!" and sent me down the road with some delicious banana pancakes in my tummy.
But Jack would not do this. He would pull me back into bed, where I would be unable to resist his sexy stubble, and insist that I spend the day at home with him, avoiding the unpleasant weather outside and enjoying pancakes and sex all day. Who would choose work and rain over pancakes and sex with Jack Johnson? Kayla might, but that's only because she's a woman scorned. I would not choose work over this very appealing option.
Furthermore, he totally gets women. He understands that "maybe" actually means "no," so when he asks if I think I will be going to work and I say "maybe," he will get out the griddle and start making my pancakes. I also like that he would make me breakfast, because I really like breakfast, especially pancakes. Especially banana pancakes.
We would probably have our wedding on the beach. It only makes sense with Jack Johnson as the groom. Kayla would make a big stink about the whole thing and insist that no, she would not be my maid of honor because she can't stand Jack, and when I press the issue she'll finally confess that yes, they are ex-lovers. Of course, when I find this out, I'll have to leave Jack, sexy stubble and all, because my friendship with Kayla will be at stake.
His next album, as you can imagine, will be considerably gloomier. I'm Jack's Yoko Ono. I've ruined his musical career, and he can't believe he ended up losing me to stupid Kayla, who never really liked him that much in the first place. (You shouldn't have cheated on him with Conor, you dirty whore. You knew what that would do to Jack!)
Alas. Perhaps my very own wonderful boyfriend will make me some delicious pancakes and insist that I not get anything done, since he knows how I feel about breakfast and sleeping in.
3/17/2008
