20 April 2008
♥ today's the day.
It's not a great day; in fact, it's kind of windy. I'm not in a great mood. I'm feeling kind of lethargic and cranky for no particular reason. But I have some things I need to say.
I am dreading May 1st. I can't even stand it. There are no words to describe how much I don't want it to be that day, or how much I wish it didn't mean what it did. This is one of those times when I start to wish I could convince myself that prayers would make a difference, because I don't know what I'll do if I have to go through all those memories again. I don't know if I can.
I am dreading May 24th. It is going to be the biggest day of my life, and I am scared shitless. What's wrong with me? I can't wait to get out of high school, but I'm afraid to take the next step. I don't know if I'm ready to be a real live adult, or deal with all the responsibilities that come with it. When high school is over, I won't have an excuse.
I am dreading June 1st. Kelsey leaves for UT-Dallas in exactly 41 days, and I'm not sure what I'll do without her. Visiting isn't the same; that last summer together doesn't get to happen and I think I need it to.
I am dreading the rest of my life. I wish I could look forward to it and be excited like everyone else, but I guess I've always had a hard time moving on. I'm dreading moving out and not seeing my mom every day, I'm dreading not hearing my dad snore from all the way across the hall, I'm dreading leaving this room and everything in it.
Where do I go from here?
I am dreading May 1st. I can't even stand it. There are no words to describe how much I don't want it to be that day, or how much I wish it didn't mean what it did. This is one of those times when I start to wish I could convince myself that prayers would make a difference, because I don't know what I'll do if I have to go through all those memories again. I don't know if I can.
I am dreading May 24th. It is going to be the biggest day of my life, and I am scared shitless. What's wrong with me? I can't wait to get out of high school, but I'm afraid to take the next step. I don't know if I'm ready to be a real live adult, or deal with all the responsibilities that come with it. When high school is over, I won't have an excuse.
I am dreading June 1st. Kelsey leaves for UT-Dallas in exactly 41 days, and I'm not sure what I'll do without her. Visiting isn't the same; that last summer together doesn't get to happen and I think I need it to.
I am dreading the rest of my life. I wish I could look forward to it and be excited like everyone else, but I guess I've always had a hard time moving on. I'm dreading moving out and not seeing my mom every day, I'm dreading not hearing my dad snore from all the way across the hall, I'm dreading leaving this room and everything in it.
Where do I go from here?
4/20/2008
