13 November 2008
♥ but first, a good night's sleep.
It's late. Remember how I never used to stay up late? I always stay up late now. There's always something going on, and I'm afraid I'll miss all the fun. Sleeping seems like a waste of time now. I should take advantage of tonight: my roommate is gone, and for once the room doesn't smell funny. (I left the window open.) I forgot to turn off my desk lamp as I left, and when I came back just now, my room looked completely different. Bathed in the soft pink light, everything looked peaceful and still, and even the mess of clothes on our floor looked like it was put there on purpose. There are so many things jumbled in my head; I can't stop thinking about all the things I have to do and all the things I wish I had time for. I am hopelessly confused about every aspect of my life, but for the first time in awhile, I am happy. I am content. I'm not sure what the next step will be, what you will say next time you call, whether we will grow old together or when I will be ready to trust you--or anyone--again. But for now, I am me, hopelessly and unabashedly me, and I am going to take on the world all over again.
11/13/2008
