31 August 2007
♥ i guess that's one thing that never changes
Sometimes,
late at night,
when I can't sleep,
I lay awake
and wish
that you were with me
and when I wake up
the next morning
you're still
......g
.........o
............n
...............e
late at night,
when I can't sleep,
I lay awake
and wish
that you were with me
and when I wake up
the next morning
you're still
......g
.........o
............n
...............e
8/31/2007
♥ burritomania / emergency
Yesterday, Lex and I went to Chipotle because we felt that after a long week of being very, very good pandas, we deserved a reprieve from our homecoming starvation diet. We ate our little burritos outside on the patio, and at the table next to us was a group of forty-to-fifty something paramedics.
Their conversation seemed to be pretty standard paramedic talk, but after about ten minutes Lex and I noticed that the ambulance they had driven there was still running. Finally, nearly half an hour after we'd arrived, they gathered their little paramedic gear and got ready to leave. All three of them ambled out the door and mosied on over to the ambulance, where they laughed and joked and took their time getting in.
We didn't think much of the ambulance idling in the Chipotle parking lot, but we did start to wonder about the ethics surrounding the fact that once everyone was in, the siren was suddenly on and no red light seemed to be an obstacle.
Now, not wanting to believe that our hard-working law enforcement and healthcare professionals would ever exhibit such blatant disrespect for the system, I've come up with a couple of possible circumstances which may justufy the suspicious behavior.
1. Dying person in back of ambulance begs paramedics to stop and get him a burrito. Knowing he will die at any moment, paramedics abide by his last wish. Patient dies as paramedics pull up to Chipotle. Not wanting to disrespect patient's wishes, paramedics decide to enjoy a burrito in celebration of patient's life. After perfectly justifiable eating session, paramedics use sirens because they must rush to the hospital to have the corpse declared, etc.
2. Paramedics are called to Chipotle to rescue someone choking on a giant burrito. After saving life, they are treated to free burritos. As soon as they step back into the ambulance, another fast-food joint calls and requires their assistance to perform Heimlich maneuver on a choking client.
3. One of the paramedics' wives is pregnant and craving burritos. The paramedics go to Chipotle to get her one because their shifts are ending and as they are heading back to the ambulance to put up for the night, the wife calls and has just gone into labor. Sirens ensue.
I guess those are really the only three circumstances under which I can imagine the paramedics would have needed the siren on the ambulance so shortly after polishing off their giant turd-looking burritos. In any case, were I in some position of law enforcement (or really anything where I had a car with a siren), I feel confident that I would abuse it.
Their conversation seemed to be pretty standard paramedic talk, but after about ten minutes Lex and I noticed that the ambulance they had driven there was still running. Finally, nearly half an hour after we'd arrived, they gathered their little paramedic gear and got ready to leave. All three of them ambled out the door and mosied on over to the ambulance, where they laughed and joked and took their time getting in.
We didn't think much of the ambulance idling in the Chipotle parking lot, but we did start to wonder about the ethics surrounding the fact that once everyone was in, the siren was suddenly on and no red light seemed to be an obstacle.
Now, not wanting to believe that our hard-working law enforcement and healthcare professionals would ever exhibit such blatant disrespect for the system, I've come up with a couple of possible circumstances which may justufy the suspicious behavior.
1. Dying person in back of ambulance begs paramedics to stop and get him a burrito. Knowing he will die at any moment, paramedics abide by his last wish. Patient dies as paramedics pull up to Chipotle. Not wanting to disrespect patient's wishes, paramedics decide to enjoy a burrito in celebration of patient's life. After perfectly justifiable eating session, paramedics use sirens because they must rush to the hospital to have the corpse declared, etc.
2. Paramedics are called to Chipotle to rescue someone choking on a giant burrito. After saving life, they are treated to free burritos. As soon as they step back into the ambulance, another fast-food joint calls and requires their assistance to perform Heimlich maneuver on a choking client.
3. One of the paramedics' wives is pregnant and craving burritos. The paramedics go to Chipotle to get her one because their shifts are ending and as they are heading back to the ambulance to put up for the night, the wife calls and has just gone into labor. Sirens ensue.
I guess those are really the only three circumstances under which I can imagine the paramedics would have needed the siren on the ambulance so shortly after polishing off their giant turd-looking burritos. In any case, were I in some position of law enforcement (or really anything where I had a car with a siren), I feel confident that I would abuse it.
8/31/2007
28 August 2007
♥ jealousy rears its ugly head again.
Every time I see him it gets a little worse, not because of him, but because of what he represents to me. Because he is a connection to him. Because he represents that untouchability, that unattainable thing I almost had once, that less-than-glamourous glamor I just can't get enough of.
But it's alright; this too shall pass. It's easier to watch from the background anyway.
But it's alright; this too shall pass. It's easier to watch from the background anyway.
8/28/2007
♥ lifehouse, part two.
There's something about this girl
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
And it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do and nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
And it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do and nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
It's easy to think about being in love when you imagine somebody talking to you like that.
8/28/2007
♥ lifehouse, part one.
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
8/28/2007
♥ i hate being sick.
Every time I swallow, it feels like I'm trying to eat sandpaper. I feel like shit.
8/28/2007
27 August 2007
♥ just one of those little things i've picked up along the way
Marilyn Monroe is a freaking goddess.
8/27/2007
♥ ohhhhh sex.
8/27/2007
♥ oh, is that what it is?
"Passion and lust are basic animal instincts. Now, if those needs are not satisfied, then we turn to drugs."
--Dr. Neal
8/27/2007
♥ that was sweet.
When you don't think anyone cares, it's nice to know somebody's thinking of you.
8/27/2007
26 August 2007
♥ my thoughts exactly.
"This job would be great if it weren't for the fucking customers."
--Randal Graves
8/26/2007
♥ or maybe not
I haven't taken my meds in nearly two weeks. Without the aid of Zoloft, I am constantly worried, sad, angry, paranoid. It wouldn't take much to make me cry.
But I don't take the meds because when I'm on them, I don't feel a goddamn thing. I am completely numb all the time.
Maybe it's better to feel something negative than to feel nothing at all.
But I don't take the meds because when I'm on them, I don't feel a goddamn thing. I am completely numb all the time.
Maybe it's better to feel something negative than to feel nothing at all.
8/26/2007
♥ um... is this some kind of sick joke?
I seriously cannot believe how much homework we have.
8/26/2007
23 August 2007
♥ if only this "letter of explanation" for my absence would cut it.
Dear Dr. Neal,
I regret to inform you that I will no longer be able to attend your third-period Theory of Knowledge class. My indefinite absence is due to a severe medical condition of mine which is apparently exacerbated by circumstances of excruciating boredom. Thank you for your understanding in this delicate and very personal issue. I hope that you and your beloved Mr. Gardner are able to carry on your secret romance, which of course is fueled by a mutual passion for TOK concepts and Joey's "brilliant" interpretations of all your ever-so-thrilling quotes.
I regret to inform you that I will no longer be able to attend your third-period Theory of Knowledge class. My indefinite absence is due to a severe medical condition of mine which is apparently exacerbated by circumstances of excruciating boredom. Thank you for your understanding in this delicate and very personal issue. I hope that you and your beloved Mr. Gardner are able to carry on your secret romance, which of course is fueled by a mutual passion for TOK concepts and Joey's "brilliant" interpretations of all your ever-so-thrilling quotes.
Best of luck in all your future endeavors,
Emma Walker
Emma Walker
8/23/2007
♥ i miss my school.
The real one, that is. This new place is nothing like I imagined, and I don't like it one bit. I want my old LHS back.
8/23/2007
22 August 2007
♥ it's the last night of summer.
There are a few things to look forward to--snazzy new building, finally being a senior, new clothes to wear, and so forth--but at the same time, I'm dreading the end of an era. The end of old Lakewood, the oh-so-very final end of my friendships with several people I've been close to for a long time, and, of course, the end of the Summer of the Panda. [Note: I feel confident that the Year of the Panda will continue in a similar fashion to that of its seasonal predecessor.]
For better or for worse, this summer I:
travelled to Europe,
lost a trusted friend,
made several trips to a courthouse for all the wrong reasons,
drank in excess,
became familiar with the term "chode,"
saw my bestest friend from California,
screwed up in the worst possible way on two separate occasions,
pierced my ears Parent Trap-style,
skinny-dipped,
learned to French-inhale,
saved a spider named Fred,
got in a retarded text-fight with an ex I never want to forget,
blew off my summer homework until tonight,
spent far more money than I should have,
got a job,
made tons of new (and hot) friends at work
(one of whom has reached the status of more-than-friends),
lied to my parents,
ate about a thousand pounds of ice cream,
gained weight,
lost weight,
cut my hair,
acquired a taste for passionfruit truffles,
bonded with my cousin,
tried haggis,
finally wrote my extended essay,
missed about a million people,
rediscovered reading (it's lovely!),
redecorated my room,
successfully disguised my love for a girl called Mary Jane,
considered lesbianism or nunnery,
remembered how much I love horses,
reconnected with someone I've always admired,
and,
most importantly,
regained a sense of self.
To my senior year, which I know will be the best yet: for better or for worse, here I come.
For better or for worse, this summer I:
travelled to Europe,
lost a trusted friend,
made several trips to a courthouse for all the wrong reasons,
drank in excess,
became familiar with the term "chode,"
saw my bestest friend from California,
screwed up in the worst possible way on two separate occasions,
pierced my ears Parent Trap-style,
skinny-dipped,
learned to French-inhale,
saved a spider named Fred,
got in a retarded text-fight with an ex I never want to forget,
blew off my summer homework until tonight,
spent far more money than I should have,
got a job,
made tons of new (and hot) friends at work
(one of whom has reached the status of more-than-friends),
lied to my parents,
ate about a thousand pounds of ice cream,
gained weight,
lost weight,
cut my hair,
acquired a taste for passionfruit truffles,
bonded with my cousin,
tried haggis,
finally wrote my extended essay,
missed about a million people,
rediscovered reading (it's lovely!),
redecorated my room,
successfully disguised my love for a girl called Mary Jane,
considered lesbianism or nunnery,
remembered how much I love horses,
reconnected with someone I've always admired,
and,
most importantly,
regained a sense of self.
To my senior year, which I know will be the best yet: for better or for worse, here I come.
8/22/2007
20 August 2007
♥ okay, seriously, one more thing.
Stop-motion filming is driving me crazy. Did you know it takes 24 frames to film a single second? The idea of adjusting that tiny little clay man, which I'm sure I could never make in the first place, that many times is simply mind-boggling, and I can't stop thinking about it with this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, as though someday I'll be forced to produce a claymation film. I don't see such an endeavor in my future unless some rather aggressive ninjas suddenly appear with modeling clay and threaten me with some sort of nuclear holocaust, a situation I am at best unlikely to encounter.
Still, I think I might send a check or some alcohol to the geniouses (genii?) behind Wallace and Gromit or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, you know, the one with the abonimable snowman, the best monster EVER, because after all that readjusting, I think they deserve it.
Still, I think I might send a check or some alcohol to the geniouses (genii?) behind Wallace and Gromit or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, you know, the one with the abonimable snowman, the best monster EVER, because after all that readjusting, I think they deserve it.
8/20/2007
♥ just one more thing
I just opened the stereo, because I need some tunes for all this homework I'm "doing," and it turns out that music I could barely hear through the ceiling/floor last night wasn't AC/DC or Van Halen or something manly, as I'd assumed. My dad was listening to Sheryl Crow.
I guess she shook him all night long.
Haha.
I guess she shook him all night long.
Haha.
8/20/2007
♥ i just like to keep them on their toes.
This morning, I got up at six for no reason in particular except I thought it would be fun to freak my parents out.
8/20/2007
♥ productivity at king's is inexplicably low.
E: God, he's gorgeous.
A: See?! I told you he'd ask for your number.
E: Did I mention he's gorgeous.
A: He's a virgin, you know.
E: A what?!
A: I know, I didn't believe it either when I first found out.
E: Wow... is that, like, on purpose?
A: I don't know. I don't think so.
E: Huh... How can anyone that hot never have had sex?
A: It's not like nobody would want to.
E: I volunteer.
A: I knew you would.
E: Hey... You would too, if you weren't married.
A: God, sometimes I forget until you remind me.
E: Hey, that's what I'm here for.
A: See?! I told you he'd ask for your number.
E: Did I mention he's gorgeous.
A: He's a virgin, you know.
E: A what?!
A: I know, I didn't believe it either when I first found out.
E: Wow... is that, like, on purpose?
A: I don't know. I don't think so.
E: Huh... How can anyone that hot never have had sex?
A: It's not like nobody would want to.
E: I volunteer.
A: I knew you would.
E: Hey... You would too, if you weren't married.
A: God, sometimes I forget until you remind me.
E: Hey, that's what I'm here for.
8/20/2007
♥ oh me oh my.
This morning, I had to think for a second to remember my panda's real name.
8/20/2007
♥ several things i'm really going to miss.
In a lot of ways, this man really is my hero. He'll call me on it when I'm acting like an idiot, but ten minutes later, he'll still be laughing at my retarded jokes. He's one of the cleverest, most talented people I know, and I'll probably never tell him how much I admire him because I think he'd think I'm a weirdo. But in any case, here's a picture of us that he just sent me, and I've gotta tell you, I like it. Also to be missed are my long hair and senior courtyard.
8/20/2007
♥ friends to the end?
I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little queasy about our little text-fight yesterday, but at the same time, I wouldn't take back any of the things I said. Nobody likes to be called on their arrogance, least of all me, but I guess everyone has to take a turn.
I'm not giving up yet, because what are friends for?
I'm not giving up yet, because what are friends for?
8/20/2007
♥ so... this would be my new hair.
...and, more importantly, how I feel about it.
8/20/2007
16 August 2007
♥ this would be it.
If ever there were a time to sweep me off my feet,
8/16/2007
♥ ooh, dirty babe...
...You see these shackles, baby,
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me
if I misbehave
It's just that no one
makes me feel this way
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me
if I misbehave
It's just that no one
makes me feel this way
Justin Timberlake is, without a doubt, the sexiest thing alive. I think I may have rediscovered my childish obsession, only this time around it's much more sophisticated. Oh, JT.
8/16/2007
♥ it's those little victories, sort of.
Despite my insistence that I've reached the end-of-summer duldrums, today was actually pretty eventful.
1. As is my tradition since my first outing at cross-country, I become this season's inagural member of the "Chuckie Club." I hate barfing.
2. A frank conversation with Rachel reminds me that love really can be found in the most unexpected of places, and, even more surprisingly, that it can last a really long time.
3. A cute text reminds me that I really miss Randal.
4. Elitch's results in my usual sunburn, though this time it was only on my shoulders, to be fair. Evan joins us in a complete out-of-the-blue sort of manner. I'm pleasantly surprised that he can be pretty cool, despite an awkward encounter on the Troika.
5. I find out that a certain someone is now single, prompting me to taunt Kelsey because of a certain bet we made almost six months ago that I'm beginning to fear she's going to win.
All in all, I guess I didn't really get much accomplished today. I weigh the same thing I did this morning. In fact, I'd say I look the same, maybe a little more sunburned. But at the same time, it's nice to go to bed tired. Maybe having fun and not worrying so goddamn much really is an accomplishment in itself.
1. As is my tradition since my first outing at cross-country, I become this season's inagural member of the "Chuckie Club." I hate barfing.
2. A frank conversation with Rachel reminds me that love really can be found in the most unexpected of places, and, even more surprisingly, that it can last a really long time.
3. A cute text reminds me that I really miss Randal.
4. Elitch's results in my usual sunburn, though this time it was only on my shoulders, to be fair. Evan joins us in a complete out-of-the-blue sort of manner. I'm pleasantly surprised that he can be pretty cool, despite an awkward encounter on the Troika.
5. I find out that a certain someone is now single, prompting me to taunt Kelsey because of a certain bet we made almost six months ago that I'm beginning to fear she's going to win.
All in all, I guess I didn't really get much accomplished today. I weigh the same thing I did this morning. In fact, I'd say I look the same, maybe a little more sunburned. But at the same time, it's nice to go to bed tired. Maybe having fun and not worrying so goddamn much really is an accomplishment in itself.
8/16/2007
15 August 2007
♥ i'm not here for your entertainment
...you don't really want to mess with me tonight.
It may be the theme song for The Hills, but those are words to live by. Fuck you guys; I'm on my own for this one.
It may be the theme song for The Hills, but those are words to live by. Fuck you guys; I'm on my own for this one.
8/15/2007
14 August 2007
♥ school starts in exactly one week.
I guess I better make the most of it.
8/14/2007
13 August 2007
♥ i'm not sure if i mean that in a good way or a bad way.
It was weird to see you today.
8/13/2007
♥ neither safe nor hygienic, but free
I like my new piercings, except it's kind of hard to sleep with them in. Also, I feel pretty badass for doing them Parent Trap-style, with a hot safety pin and an apple.
8/13/2007
11 August 2007
♥ have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
More like a crowded amphitheatre. Sometimes the music just gets you to thinking.
8/11/2007
10 August 2007
♥ after all, it's a panda-eat-panda world out there.
There's something about being a panda that makes me think all this isn't a waste. Maybe it's the adorable nature of the panda itself, or the fun of being cute with your cute friend, or the fact that we know how to party like pandas. In any case, I'm pretty sure this has been one of my most educational summers yet, and I don't mean in the educational sense. Maybe I'm ready to be an adult after all.
8/10/2007
♥ i look like a boy.
I have a new haircut. It is extremely short. I feel like an idiot. I look like one of those knights at the round table; you could probably reasonably start calling me King Arthur.
8/10/2007
♥ mom, meet my real life.
In addition to the horrific realization that summer is nearly at its end, I have a bit of bad news for my readers: in a most unfortunate and tragic turn of events, my mother has stumbled upon this blog and now has some concerns about what I've been up to this summer. While I can understand her frustration at my inherent dishonesty about my whereabouts over the last two and a half months, I feel strongly that a lack of such activity would have led to my being a complete emotional basket case, or at least moreso that I already am.
My first reaction, of course, was that I should probably just delete the whole website and be done with it. After all, if she digs a little deeper, she'll undoubtedly discover my cache of dirty little secrets, none of which I'm especially keen on having her know about. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can't get rid of this shitty low- (okay, no-) budget site, because it's pretty much a picture of me over the last two years. Things have been good and they've been bad, but through the ups and downs, I've become me.
So while I may exercise more discretion in the future--expect a little less diatribe on my drug and alcohol intake--I plan to keep up the not-always-so-good work.
And anyway, where else would I come up with material for my memoirs, which I suppose I have about a decade until I can appropriately publish? I'm sure I'll forget all this by then, and since senility is already showing signs in me, I can only hope that my mother forgets to ground me.
My first reaction, of course, was that I should probably just delete the whole website and be done with it. After all, if she digs a little deeper, she'll undoubtedly discover my cache of dirty little secrets, none of which I'm especially keen on having her know about. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can't get rid of this shitty low- (okay, no-) budget site, because it's pretty much a picture of me over the last two years. Things have been good and they've been bad, but through the ups and downs, I've become me.
So while I may exercise more discretion in the future--expect a little less diatribe on my drug and alcohol intake--I plan to keep up the not-always-so-good work.
And anyway, where else would I come up with material for my memoirs, which I suppose I have about a decade until I can appropriately publish? I'm sure I'll forget all this by then, and since senility is already showing signs in me, I can only hope that my mother forgets to ground me.
8/10/2007
09 August 2007
♥ high school musical: an exercise in absurdity.
I don't think I've watched a made-for-TV Disney movie since I was about nine, which, appropriately enough, is the audience I think they're directed at. When I was housesitting a few weekends ago, however, I noticed High School Musical sitting on the DVD player and found myself in a terrible predicament: was I to stick with my intuition and stay away from such juvenile idiocy or find out what all the fuss was about?
Eventually, my desire to see the prequel to Shannon Dougherty's big-screen debut won out. (Hey, there's nothing more interesting than finding out a girl you've known since the third grade may actually become a B-grade celebrity.)
I was shell-shocked. It was like a train wreck; I wanted nothing more than to turn it off, but I couldn't seem to look away. I had to know what happened. Let me just lay out the main points at which I felt compelled to throw myself off the second-floor balcony:
1. The latina female lead is gorgeous. There is no universe in which she would not immediately be accepted by her classmates. There's no way that girl would actually be forced to join the science club or whatever; similarly, there are no beautiful people in such clubs.
2. Since when is being a drama kid the coolest thing you could possibly do? Those kids are proud of the fact that they're weird and somewhat socially outcasted. Please.
3. The basketball team doesn't want their captain or whatever to be in the musical because they want to win some big game, but every time the team practices, they break into song. Maybe if they actually played basketball instead of singing about it, they wouldn't even need him.
The saddest part is that I'll probably watch the second one just to catch a glimpse of my now semi-famous former classmate.
Eventually, my desire to see the prequel to Shannon Dougherty's big-screen debut won out. (Hey, there's nothing more interesting than finding out a girl you've known since the third grade may actually become a B-grade celebrity.)
I was shell-shocked. It was like a train wreck; I wanted nothing more than to turn it off, but I couldn't seem to look away. I had to know what happened. Let me just lay out the main points at which I felt compelled to throw myself off the second-floor balcony:
1. The latina female lead is gorgeous. There is no universe in which she would not immediately be accepted by her classmates. There's no way that girl would actually be forced to join the science club or whatever; similarly, there are no beautiful people in such clubs.
2. Since when is being a drama kid the coolest thing you could possibly do? Those kids are proud of the fact that they're weird and somewhat socially outcasted. Please.
3. The basketball team doesn't want their captain or whatever to be in the musical because they want to win some big game, but every time the team practices, they break into song. Maybe if they actually played basketball instead of singing about it, they wouldn't even need him.
The saddest part is that I'll probably watch the second one just to catch a glimpse of my now semi-famous former classmate.
8/09/2007
♥ a rather strange day.
I hate to be boring and just summarize my day, but I guess I need to debrief. I'm kind of at loose ends.
6:57 am: Lexi calls for the fourth time. I roll out of bed.
7:36 am: The panda and I arrive at school for registration. Stephanie has now called twice.
8:42 am: We finally escape from school. My ID photo is hideous.
8:54 am: Arrive at Evan's. Drive to Belmar for coffee.
9:45 am: Back at school to deliver coffee to Calvin, the love of our lives. Run into Matt.
10:36 am: Home again. Find swimsuit. Check makeup.
11:13 am: At the pool with Randal. Killer sunburn.
1:22 pm: Randal remembers something he has to do before work.
1:46 pm: My grandma calls, wondering where the hell I am. Shit, son.
2:34 pm: I arrive at my grandparents' house in Lakewood over an hour and a half late.
5:37 pm: My grandma and I have now gone to lunch and shopping, resulting in cute new clothes I totally don't deserve. We drink iced tea with my grandpa on the porch. I think about how happy they are, and how they met in high school and raised a nice family and are perfectly content with their lot in life, no matter how mundane it may seem at times. We talk about politics, European history, college, and the fact that Cam got to drink beer on the fishing trip. Not fair.
6:23 pm: Back at home. I order thongs that say "It's a panda eat panda world" for Lexi and me. My mom wants to go to dinner; she needs to nag me about something.
7:46 pm: At Chipotle with my mom. They're out of iced tea and I'm forced to mix lemonade with Sprite instead. I am still sunburned. Nagging ensues.
8:12 pm: I call Levi, who doesn't think his girlfriend will be psyched about smoking with us. We agree to meet for coffee in the morning. Randal is busy too. I pick up Calvin to meet Lexi and Matt at the mall.
9:04 pm: Matt and Lexi arrive at the Mills. We clean the ash out of Lexi's car and Calvin and I admire her new hookah, which we've named Melville. Evan calls. He wants Primetimes.
9:37 pm: Lexi and I wait with Calvin while Matt buys tobacco with his impressive fake ID at 7-11.
He admirably chooses grape and wildberry Primetimes because, much to my dismay, they're out of the yummy rum flavored ones. I break a grape Primetime trying to open it. Mocking ensues.
10:06 pm: We get to Evan's.
10:32 pm: Evan gets to Evan's. We're mad, but we quickly forget when he pulls out two bottles of vodka and a six-pack of Corona.
11:01 pm: Calvin sets up the hookah. Evan mixes me a drink, insisting there's vodka in it, but all I can taste is Crystal Lite.
11:12 pm: I get a text from Cera informing me that the captain of the cheerleading squad is currently attempting to hook up with my ex. Fearing that I might cry in front of Evan/Stifler, I leave.
11:47 pm: I pull into my garage, vowing I'll never drive to Lakewood and back three times in one day again. Levi calls, I cry about being a pathetic loser and he insists I'm not.
12:03 am: I read another chapter of Lolita and am glad I've never been considered a nymphet.
1:39 am: I finally fall asleep.
3:30 am: I wake up bathed in a cold sweat because I've just had a nightmare involving a lack of Barbies at the toy store and an extremely explicit encounter with certain Stifler-resembling parties. I'm highly disturbed.
4:27 am: I realize that the cheer captain looks like a troll, causing me to rest a little easier.
5:36 am: My mother leaves for work, meaning that the dog is now lonely and must sleep on my bed.
7:12 am: Good news: I weigh myself and discover that I may actually not qualify as a manatee.
I'm not sure what impacted me most profoundly yesterday: seeing a bunch of people for the first time in three months, wondering what was going to happen with Randal at the end of the summer, realizing that my grandparents are the happiest and most fulfilled people I know, deciding that I actually don't despise Evan in the least, or finding out that I really have no reason at all to be jealous of the hottest girl in the senior class.
In any case, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready for the summer to end.
6:57 am: Lexi calls for the fourth time. I roll out of bed.
7:36 am: The panda and I arrive at school for registration. Stephanie has now called twice.
8:42 am: We finally escape from school. My ID photo is hideous.
8:54 am: Arrive at Evan's. Drive to Belmar for coffee.
9:45 am: Back at school to deliver coffee to Calvin, the love of our lives. Run into Matt.
10:36 am: Home again. Find swimsuit. Check makeup.
11:13 am: At the pool with Randal. Killer sunburn.
1:22 pm: Randal remembers something he has to do before work.
1:46 pm: My grandma calls, wondering where the hell I am. Shit, son.
2:34 pm: I arrive at my grandparents' house in Lakewood over an hour and a half late.
5:37 pm: My grandma and I have now gone to lunch and shopping, resulting in cute new clothes I totally don't deserve. We drink iced tea with my grandpa on the porch. I think about how happy they are, and how they met in high school and raised a nice family and are perfectly content with their lot in life, no matter how mundane it may seem at times. We talk about politics, European history, college, and the fact that Cam got to drink beer on the fishing trip. Not fair.
6:23 pm: Back at home. I order thongs that say "It's a panda eat panda world" for Lexi and me. My mom wants to go to dinner; she needs to nag me about something.
7:46 pm: At Chipotle with my mom. They're out of iced tea and I'm forced to mix lemonade with Sprite instead. I am still sunburned. Nagging ensues.
8:12 pm: I call Levi, who doesn't think his girlfriend will be psyched about smoking with us. We agree to meet for coffee in the morning. Randal is busy too. I pick up Calvin to meet Lexi and Matt at the mall.
9:04 pm: Matt and Lexi arrive at the Mills. We clean the ash out of Lexi's car and Calvin and I admire her new hookah, which we've named Melville. Evan calls. He wants Primetimes.
9:37 pm: Lexi and I wait with Calvin while Matt buys tobacco with his impressive fake ID at 7-11.
He admirably chooses grape and wildberry Primetimes because, much to my dismay, they're out of the yummy rum flavored ones. I break a grape Primetime trying to open it. Mocking ensues.
10:06 pm: We get to Evan's.
10:32 pm: Evan gets to Evan's. We're mad, but we quickly forget when he pulls out two bottles of vodka and a six-pack of Corona.
11:01 pm: Calvin sets up the hookah. Evan mixes me a drink, insisting there's vodka in it, but all I can taste is Crystal Lite.
11:12 pm: I get a text from Cera informing me that the captain of the cheerleading squad is currently attempting to hook up with my ex. Fearing that I might cry in front of Evan/Stifler, I leave.
11:47 pm: I pull into my garage, vowing I'll never drive to Lakewood and back three times in one day again. Levi calls, I cry about being a pathetic loser and he insists I'm not.
12:03 am: I read another chapter of Lolita and am glad I've never been considered a nymphet.
1:39 am: I finally fall asleep.
3:30 am: I wake up bathed in a cold sweat because I've just had a nightmare involving a lack of Barbies at the toy store and an extremely explicit encounter with certain Stifler-resembling parties. I'm highly disturbed.
4:27 am: I realize that the cheer captain looks like a troll, causing me to rest a little easier.
5:36 am: My mother leaves for work, meaning that the dog is now lonely and must sleep on my bed.
7:12 am: Good news: I weigh myself and discover that I may actually not qualify as a manatee.
I'm not sure what impacted me most profoundly yesterday: seeing a bunch of people for the first time in three months, wondering what was going to happen with Randal at the end of the summer, realizing that my grandparents are the happiest and most fulfilled people I know, deciding that I actually don't despise Evan in the least, or finding out that I really have no reason at all to be jealous of the hottest girl in the senior class.
In any case, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready for the summer to end.
8/09/2007
06 August 2007
♥ sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
There are certain people
you just keep coming back to
[She is right in front of you]
You begin to wonder:
could you find a better one?
Compared to her
now she's in question
And all at once
the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing
and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
to someone not there
Looking for the right one
you line up the world to find
Where no questions
cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting
for you without a doubt
Much longer for you
to sort it out
And all at once
the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing
and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
to someone not there
Maybe you want it
maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come
And all at once
the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know
what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing
and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare
to someone not there
Maybe you want
it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you had her
maybe you lost her
to another
To another
The harder I try to forget you, the more easily you come to my mind. I know I have to let you go. Oh my god, what have I done?
you just keep coming back to
[She is right in front of you]
You begin to wonder:
could you find a better one?
Compared to her
now she's in question
And all at once
the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing
and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
to someone not there
Looking for the right one
you line up the world to find
Where no questions
cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting
for you without a doubt
Much longer for you
to sort it out
And all at once
the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing
and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
to someone not there
Maybe you want it
maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come
And all at once
the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know
what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing
and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare
to someone not there
Maybe you want
it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her
maybe you need her
Maybe you had her
maybe you lost her
to another
To another
The harder I try to forget you, the more easily you come to my mind. I know I have to let you go. Oh my god, what have I done?
8/06/2007
05 August 2007
♥ vienna
Tonight I listened to the song you wrote, and for the first time, I thought about what it meant. I tried to take it seriously, but I couldn't, because I realized that you've never felt any of the things you wrote about. It says that some just get away, and I guess that's you, taking whatever you can get and running with it, because all you know how to do is look out for number one.
8/05/2007
01 August 2007
♥ today, as few of you probably know, is a very important day.
Happy Swiss Independence Day! I'll have you know that being Swiss is actually quite exciting, despite what you may think. And I should know, being Swiss and all. Observe.
1. We make delicious chocolate. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac. Why do you think we never march off to war with the rest of Europe?
2. We also make delicious cheese. Who doesn't love cheese? It may not be libido-inducing, but it sure does go well with crackers.
3. Speaking of cheese, we pretty much invented fondue. God, I love fondue. And do you know what happens when you drop something in the fondue pot? You have to kiss someone else at the table, that's what.
4. All this cheese fuels our successful economy, which is perhaps why Zurich is the banking capital of the world. Especially if you are being paid under the table.
5. Can you say Heidi?
6. We have our own Alps, and take it from me, they're pretty much beautiful. I don't even like scenery, but this is a view you really shouldn't pass up.
7. There is a ride named after one of our mountains at Disneyland. Given, there does not appear to have been any sort of abominable snowman at the actual Matterhorn, but I guess that's what happens when mountains go to Hollywood.
8. Speaking of mountains, we have some amazing skiing.
9. Universal health care! Nice.
10. Adorable St. Bernards with the little kegs around their necks. You can't beat that.
It's been a couple years since anyone called me "Swiss Miss with Mini Marshmallows," and since then a couple of things have happened: 1) I realized that this was not just a reference to a delicious brand of hot chocolate and 2) my cup size increased considerably.
That's beside the point. The real point here is that being Swiss is actually really cool. Okay, so I'm not Greek or Italian or German or any of those other cool nationalities that everyone is. And when I head back to the motherland, I will not come home with a nice tan. And no, we don't really have our own language, it's basically a dialect of German with a little French and Italian here and there.
But how many people do you know who can say they're pretty much completely Swiss? That's right, kids, I'm living the dream here. I'm eating chocolate and petting dairy cows and keeping my money in the bank, and that's more connection to my roots than I think most of you can claim.
1. We make delicious chocolate. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac. Why do you think we never march off to war with the rest of Europe?
2. We also make delicious cheese. Who doesn't love cheese? It may not be libido-inducing, but it sure does go well with crackers.
3. Speaking of cheese, we pretty much invented fondue. God, I love fondue. And do you know what happens when you drop something in the fondue pot? You have to kiss someone else at the table, that's what.
4. All this cheese fuels our successful economy, which is perhaps why Zurich is the banking capital of the world. Especially if you are being paid under the table.
5. Can you say Heidi?
6. We have our own Alps, and take it from me, they're pretty much beautiful. I don't even like scenery, but this is a view you really shouldn't pass up.
7. There is a ride named after one of our mountains at Disneyland. Given, there does not appear to have been any sort of abominable snowman at the actual Matterhorn, but I guess that's what happens when mountains go to Hollywood.
8. Speaking of mountains, we have some amazing skiing.
9. Universal health care! Nice.
10. Adorable St. Bernards with the little kegs around their necks. You can't beat that.
It's been a couple years since anyone called me "Swiss Miss with Mini Marshmallows," and since then a couple of things have happened: 1) I realized that this was not just a reference to a delicious brand of hot chocolate and 2) my cup size increased considerably.
That's beside the point. The real point here is that being Swiss is actually really cool. Okay, so I'm not Greek or Italian or German or any of those other cool nationalities that everyone is. And when I head back to the motherland, I will not come home with a nice tan. And no, we don't really have our own language, it's basically a dialect of German with a little French and Italian here and there.
But how many people do you know who can say they're pretty much completely Swiss? That's right, kids, I'm living the dream here. I'm eating chocolate and petting dairy cows and keeping my money in the bank, and that's more connection to my roots than I think most of you can claim.
8/01/2007
♥ "i think our parents do more drugs than we do." --dar
My mother has this shirt that says "Relish today, ketchup tomorrow." It has little pictures of dancing condiments on it. It is yellow.
My mother doesn't know what it means to relish today, because all she ever does is worry.
I need to get my mother on some drugs.
My mother doesn't know what it means to relish today, because all she ever does is worry.
I need to get my mother on some drugs.
8/01/2007
♥ let the summer begin! kind of.
The biggest, scariest parts of my summer--my essay and the hearing--are officially over as of yesterday, and while I'm not completely done with either (my essay's not going to be done until October 1, and I think it's going to take me awhile to move on after this whole court process), I'm feeling really, really relieved at the moment.
Things are looking up in pretty much every department... Friends? Check. Boys? Check. Work? Check.
It feels good to feel good.
Things are looking up in pretty much every department... Friends? Check. Boys? Check. Work? Check.
It feels good to feel good.
8/01/2007
