30 November 2008
♥ i have too much crap
When I have my own house, I think I will make sure things are simpler.
11/30/2008
29 November 2008
♥ i wish break wasn't over so quickly
I don't think I'm ready to go back to school... I like it at home. I'm not very good at college so far.
11/29/2008
27 November 2008
♥ fuck you, alan
I don't especially want to work at Abercrombie again, but it would be nice if you'd at least call me back. It's not like you're so busy, what with your living at your grandmother's and not having any friends.
Asshole.
11/27/2008
26 November 2008
♥ housesitting is a pretty good gig
Good thing I am less than a block away from the home of a certain person, who shall remain unnamed, whose house I may or may not have mercilessly egged two summers ago. Hopefully he has forgotten/moved.
11/26/2008
23 November 2008
♥ it is my absolute favorite thing about living in the middle of nowhere
The stars are so bright tonight, I feel like time has stopped and I'm in space.
11/23/2008
22 November 2008
♥ ...why does this matter so much?
11/22/2008
20 November 2008
♥ because we are your friends
You'll never be alone again
Well come on
If I ever make a movie about my friends, Justice Vs Simian will be fully in charge of the soundtrack.
11/20/2008
♥ he is the most perfect archnemesis i could possibly imagine.
I absolutely despise him: Greg. I can't stand his name, his stupid glasses, the condescending looks he gives me, his greasy hair. The only thing I can stand about Greg is how much I love to hate him.
...This is so satisfying.
...This is so satisfying.
11/20/2008
19 November 2008
♥ you think i only think i think about you when we're both in the same room
I'm only here to witness
the remains of love exhumed
You think we're only here to play
a game of who loves more than whom
and if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home
11/19/2008
♥ now we can swim any day in november
Today in my sociology class, we watched a movie about corporate America. I had almost forgotten how evil they are, but I have a newfound disgust for Monsanto and Exxon. I think I agree with the Postal Service--somehow, I doubt that we're just being rewarded.
11/19/2008
18 November 2008
♥ here's to high school
I miss:
♥ Tuesday Nacho Club
♥ Boys at least pretending not to be interested only in sex
♥ Seeing all my favorite people every day
♥ Friday night = Emma-and-Kayla-Degrassi Night
♥ My mom's cooking
♥ Dances; all drama contained therein*
♥ Eminem singalongs in Kelsey's car
♥ The way we were.
*excludes junior prom.
11/18/2008
17 November 2008
♥ whoops
Sleep, study, social life. Now choose two.
I picked sleep and social life. Wish me luck on my midterm tomorrow!
11/17/2008
16 November 2008
♥ i gave you a list
I want you to change. I want things to be different, or at least different from how they are now. I want things to go back to how they were--how they were when I was happy. You made me happy. You made me see that I should just be happy being me, whatever that is and whatever it's not. I think I could be happy with you again, but things have to change. It's not like I'm naive enough to think everything will be okay again if you'll just do all those things I asked; I guess we both know those are little things, baby steps. But they are steps in the right direction.
Please do this. Please do this for me, but more importantly, do this for you.
I really do love you.
11/16/2008
14 November 2008
♥ i wish my room had a fireplace
It seems, today, that my life is a series of ill-advised reality checks; the kind you stumble onto despite your friends' well-intentioned advice to the contrary. More often than not, I find myself wishing my life were a work of fiction, more of John Cusack holding up his boombox in Say Anything or Princess Buttercup realizing without doubt that Wesley is her one true love.
Today we ran along a trail I never knew existed. We ran alongside the creek, along banks so steep that one false step would send my tumbling helplessly into the icy water. The creek is shallow and I almost wonder if it wouldn't be so bad to be dragged down the creek, if the cold water would make me feel numb all over and I could forget everything I am tired of remembering. I wonder who would save me, because although I want you to think I'm independent, that I don't need you, that I'm fine on my own, I want nothing more than to see your face as you pull me out of the swirling creek.
I keep thinking about how disappointed I will be when the boys get over their summer loves and move onto winter girlfriends, and how hopelessly and categorically replaced we will be until winter has passed and we are once again the female best friends, at least in the interim. Then I will be sad again when we are replaced for the summer. I wonder if it's bad to be so selfish. I wonder but I don't especially care.
We ran past the hobos, huddled under the bridges with their bags of who-knows-what all around them, and I wonder what circumstances were so dire that this life was their best alternative. We pass a park, where a beaming father pushes his toddler on the swings and a cheerful golden retriever bounds down the hill after a frisbee. I wonder if I will have a life like that someday. I wonder if I will ever slow down long enough to cherish moments like those.
But we don't slow down. We keep running. By the time we get back, I am as numb as if I'd fallen into the creek.
11/14/2008
13 November 2008
♥ but first, a good night's sleep.
It's late. Remember how I never used to stay up late? I always stay up late now. There's always something going on, and I'm afraid I'll miss all the fun. Sleeping seems like a waste of time now. I should take advantage of tonight: my roommate is gone, and for once the room doesn't smell funny. (I left the window open.) I forgot to turn off my desk lamp as I left, and when I came back just now, my room looked completely different. Bathed in the soft pink light, everything looked peaceful and still, and even the mess of clothes on our floor looked like it was put there on purpose. There are so many things jumbled in my head; I can't stop thinking about all the things I have to do and all the things I wish I had time for. I am hopelessly confused about every aspect of my life, but for the first time in awhile, I am happy. I am content. I'm not sure what the next step will be, what you will say next time you call, whether we will grow old together or when I will be ready to trust you--or anyone--again. But for now, I am me, hopelessly and unabashedly me, and I am going to take on the world all over again.
11/13/2008
11 November 2008
♥ gala darling says i should flirt with everyone!
Now does everyone see what I've been saying all this time?
11/11/2008
♥ i am so bad at change.
I seriously can't handle this.
11/11/2008
09 November 2008
♥ we said it would be good for us
so why am I surrounded by this inescapable sadness?
...I miss the old you.
11/09/2008
♥ go on and take a bow
You put on quite a show
really had me going
11/09/2008
08 November 2008
♥ i'm not having a very good weekend
so I think it's okay for me to act like I'm still in high school.
1. I'm so glad you came up on Friday. I miss you.
2. You are my voice of reason. I can't wait for our next adventure.
3. You make me feel beautiful. Thank you.
4. This doesn't sound very nice, but I mean it in the best possible way: I was shocked to realize that you are actually very insightful. Thanks for being there unexpectedly.
5. You make me so angry, but it's okay because you taught me everything I need to know about love and life. I am more careful now. You didn't mean to help me, but it turned out to be a good thing you were so selfish.
6. I am so grateful for you. You can always cheer me up when I feel absolutely awful.
7. I admire you so much. You're so much more patient than me.
8. Your political views are so absurd that sometimes I wonder if you're joking.
9. Seeing you everywhere on campus is so annoying. Remind me again why Mother Nature hasn't chosen you for natural selection yet?
10. Believe it or not, you still give me butterflies. I hope this isn't the end.
11/08/2008
06 November 2008
♥ Dear 3OH!3,
Thanks for coming back in January and telling me in time to get tickets! It has been too long since I went to a show.
11/06/2008
05 November 2008
♥ i am disappointed in california,
but I am even more disappointed in my LGBT studies class. Why can't we all be accepting of each other for exactly who we are?
11/05/2008
♥ i am so proud of you, america!
I am excited to tell my children someday that I cast my first presidential vote for Barack Obama.
11/05/2008
04 November 2008
♥ today's the day
I'm so excited to be a part of something bigger than myself.
11/04/2008
