30 October 2007
♥ come join the
youth and beauty brigade
10/30/2007
♥ there. i said it.
Quite often, I find myself bitching about my various exes and, on occasion, wishing I'd never met them. But today I'm feeling rather optimistic, and hating people I once cared about seems far too exhausting to be worthwhile. So, for once, I'm going to be positive. Please don't get used to it; I'm not sure if I can muster up this kind of big-picture thinking today.
To the ex who taught me that giving up will never get you where you want to be: I may wish now that you didn't exist, but there was a long, long time when I was really glad you did. You taught me how to grow up, you taught me how to fight fair, you taught me that sometimes, when you really love something, you have to hold onto it until there is literally (or legally) nothing left to hold onto, and for that, I will always remember you, for better or for worse.
To the ex who taught me that sometimes, there's nothing sexier than hanging out in your sweats: Things aren't always rosy with us, but then, things aren't always rosy in life, either. You taught me that when you really love someone, it's okay not to worry about looking your best. You taught me that I could be beautiful no matter what I was wearing, even if that didn't include makeup. And, perhaps most importantly, you taught me how to move on and forget my past, and, ironically, that's why I will probably think of you every now and then for the rest of my life.
To the ex I started talking to as a last resort: I think you're whinier and more self-pitying than anyone I've ever met, but then, I tend to do those things, too. I hated you for three years and then, suddenly, I realized I needed a prom date, and that was the stroke of fate that brought us together. Despite your shortcomings, you're talented and funny, and you taught me that sometimes you really can get past your first impressions of someone and find a whole new person in there.
And to the boyfriend I know I'll never forget: You make me feel like it doesn't matter that I have a past. You make me feel like I am all the things I wish I was. You make me feel like I'm smart, funny, beautiful, like I'm the whole package, like I'm everything you could ever want. When we fight, it's that much better, because I know this is for real. No matter what happens next, you've taught me that just when you're ready to give up, sometimes, when you're lucky, someone stumbles into your life and makes it worth living again.
To the ex who taught me that giving up will never get you where you want to be: I may wish now that you didn't exist, but there was a long, long time when I was really glad you did. You taught me how to grow up, you taught me how to fight fair, you taught me that sometimes, when you really love something, you have to hold onto it until there is literally (or legally) nothing left to hold onto, and for that, I will always remember you, for better or for worse.
To the ex who taught me that sometimes, there's nothing sexier than hanging out in your sweats: Things aren't always rosy with us, but then, things aren't always rosy in life, either. You taught me that when you really love someone, it's okay not to worry about looking your best. You taught me that I could be beautiful no matter what I was wearing, even if that didn't include makeup. And, perhaps most importantly, you taught me how to move on and forget my past, and, ironically, that's why I will probably think of you every now and then for the rest of my life.
To the ex I started talking to as a last resort: I think you're whinier and more self-pitying than anyone I've ever met, but then, I tend to do those things, too. I hated you for three years and then, suddenly, I realized I needed a prom date, and that was the stroke of fate that brought us together. Despite your shortcomings, you're talented and funny, and you taught me that sometimes you really can get past your first impressions of someone and find a whole new person in there.
And to the boyfriend I know I'll never forget: You make me feel like it doesn't matter that I have a past. You make me feel like I am all the things I wish I was. You make me feel like I'm smart, funny, beautiful, like I'm the whole package, like I'm everything you could ever want. When we fight, it's that much better, because I know this is for real. No matter what happens next, you've taught me that just when you're ready to give up, sometimes, when you're lucky, someone stumbles into your life and makes it worth living again.
10/30/2007
29 October 2007
♥ oh, miss potts,
It was lovely to see you last week. You look great.
10/29/2007
22 October 2007
♥ oh baby!
...hehe.
10/22/2007
21 October 2007
♥ dare to resist d.a.r.e.
It wouldn't take a lot of research to uncover my thoughts on recreational drug use; I'll be the first in line to tell you that growing up is all about having fun. I love fun! Legal or no, drugs--when used responsibly, of course--are quite possibly the number one promoter of fun.
On the opposing side of this argument is the Drug Abuse Resistance Education program, better known as D.A.R.E. Founded in 1983, this colossal waste of grade-schoolers' time seeks to prevent the use of illegal drugs, gang membership, and violent behavior.
Now, I'm guessing most of my readership remembers being put through the D.A.R.E. program sometime around sixth grade. Every Thursday, we all gathered into a little circle as Officer Smith showed us a scary video about ecstasy, told us that pot was bad, and let us know that our parents were bad, bad people because they drank a glass of wine with dinner.
I was fooled; D.A.R.E. certainly pulled the wool over my innocent little eyes. "I'll never smoke!" I exclaimed as I signed the little sheet promising to remain a drug-virgin for the remainder of my days.
Six years later, I'm proud to say I've overcome the lies told by Officer Smith and his D.A.R.E. program and am now a proud haver of fun.
Now, let's talk about D.A.R.E. and why it's a load of crap.
In his 1998 article "The Dire Consequences of D.A.R.E.," Dr. William Colson, a psychologist, asserts that D.A.R.E. actually has the opposite of its desired effect on many adolescents: "as [children] get older, they become very curious about these drugs they've learned about from police officers."
Wait, you're telling me that children are actually more interested in drugs once someone's told them to stay away? Hmm...
Actually, D.A.R.E. doesn't really make much of an effort to let kids know the facts about drugs. In 2001, D.A.R.E. leader Jacob Sullum wrote in a leader's manual that he didn't "have any statistics for you. Our strongest numbers are the numbers that don't show up.”
This makes sense, because in addition to making baseless arguments, young children tend to have little understanding of the value of money, and they love wasting time! Hey, that is just like D.A.R.E., which uses about 17 hours of classroom time which could otherwise be used for actual teaching. It's also estimated that D.A.R.E., in the U.S. alone, costs about $1.34 billion. It's great to see our tax dollars hard at work.
Speaking of government imposition, let's talk about Communism! In his 1997 article "Destroying families for the sake of the Drug War, Part 1," James Bovard points out that "police and public schools are using methods reminiscent of those used by Stalin and leaving a path of devastated families in the wake," citing documented cases of D.A.R.E. training leading to children's informing against their parents in comparison to the Soviet regime policy in the 1930s of rewarding young children who betrayed their parents' criticisms of Stalin to the authorities.
So if America loves freedom, and freedom equals capitalism, and supporters of capitalism and communism are sworn enemies of one another, and communism equals drug resistance, then America must hate drug resistance!
Wow.
What I'm really trying to say is, if you love America, help us stop the war on drugs by participating actively in their recreational use.
On the opposing side of this argument is the Drug Abuse Resistance Education program, better known as D.A.R.E. Founded in 1983, this colossal waste of grade-schoolers' time seeks to prevent the use of illegal drugs, gang membership, and violent behavior.
Now, I'm guessing most of my readership remembers being put through the D.A.R.E. program sometime around sixth grade. Every Thursday, we all gathered into a little circle as Officer Smith showed us a scary video about ecstasy, told us that pot was bad, and let us know that our parents were bad, bad people because they drank a glass of wine with dinner.
I was fooled; D.A.R.E. certainly pulled the wool over my innocent little eyes. "I'll never smoke!" I exclaimed as I signed the little sheet promising to remain a drug-virgin for the remainder of my days.
Six years later, I'm proud to say I've overcome the lies told by Officer Smith and his D.A.R.E. program and am now a proud haver of fun.
Now, let's talk about D.A.R.E. and why it's a load of crap.
In his 1998 article "The Dire Consequences of D.A.R.E.," Dr. William Colson, a psychologist, asserts that D.A.R.E. actually has the opposite of its desired effect on many adolescents: "as [children] get older, they become very curious about these drugs they've learned about from police officers."
Wait, you're telling me that children are actually more interested in drugs once someone's told them to stay away? Hmm...
Actually, D.A.R.E. doesn't really make much of an effort to let kids know the facts about drugs. In 2001, D.A.R.E. leader Jacob Sullum wrote in a leader's manual that he didn't "have any statistics for you. Our strongest numbers are the numbers that don't show up.”
This makes sense, because in addition to making baseless arguments, young children tend to have little understanding of the value of money, and they love wasting time! Hey, that is just like D.A.R.E., which uses about 17 hours of classroom time which could otherwise be used for actual teaching. It's also estimated that D.A.R.E., in the U.S. alone, costs about $1.34 billion. It's great to see our tax dollars hard at work.
Speaking of government imposition, let's talk about Communism! In his 1997 article "Destroying families for the sake of the Drug War, Part 1," James Bovard points out that "police and public schools are using methods reminiscent of those used by Stalin and leaving a path of devastated families in the wake," citing documented cases of D.A.R.E. training leading to children's informing against their parents in comparison to the Soviet regime policy in the 1930s of rewarding young children who betrayed their parents' criticisms of Stalin to the authorities.
So if America loves freedom, and freedom equals capitalism, and supporters of capitalism and communism are sworn enemies of one another, and communism equals drug resistance, then America must hate drug resistance!
Wow.
What I'm really trying to say is, if you love America, help us stop the war on drugs by participating actively in their recreational use.
10/21/2007
♥ mmm...
I love being Swiss.
10/21/2007
♥ it's okay, because
nights like that just remind me that it's real. It's not pretend, it's not too good to be true. It's real, and that means it can't always be perfect. You don't have to worry about little things like that coming between us--believe me, I've put up with worse than that, by far.
I still think you're perfect. And you know something? I'm all yours.
I still think you're perfect. And you know something? I'm all yours.
10/21/2007
20 October 2007
♥ today
has turned out to be kind of shitty. Maybe all my friends really are mad at me.
10/20/2007
♥ as it turns out,
the old adage is right: the outside of a horse is good for the inside of a human. There must be quite a lot of things that a morning with my horse wouldn't cure, but I certainly can't think of many.
10/20/2007
♥ some love letters.
Dear Kayla,
I'm taking a cue from you and writing letters to all my closest friends to let them know how much I adore them. Since I've known you the longest--a decade is over half our lives, after all--it only makes sense that you would come first. In spite of all our stupid fights, you really are my best friend in the whole entire world, and I wouldn't trade you for anything. I know I make fun of you (in my defense, you openly mock me on a fairly regular basis as well), but you are probably one of the more stoic people I have ever known: even when things are more than a bit messy for you, you always manage to keep on truckin, and that's more than most people, including myself, can say. You know me better than most people ever will, and you never fail to call me on it when I'm being completely ridiculous. Thank you for being my bestest best friend even when I don't deserve it in the least. You're the best.
Dear Kelsey,
We've only been friends for something like a year now, but I feel closer to you than I do to most people in spite of that. There's something about you that makes it impossible not to smile (or laugh til my stomach hurts) whenever we're together, and that makes me one of the luckier friends in the world. You care about your friends more than anyone else I have ever met, and we're all so fortunate to have you in our lives. It's so refreshing to be around someone like you, who tells the truth and doesn't avoid those rather touchy subjects. We need to have some serious BFF time in the rather near future, because not seeing you for more than, like, 12 hours makes me a little antsy. I love you MADLY and I'm so glad you've stuck with me through thick and thin. You are so much more beautiful and funny and smart and generally amazing than you give yourself credit for, and don't you forget it. Thank you for everything.
Dear Sowmie,
I miss you like crazy now that you live in California, but that doesn't stop me from remembering how much fun we've had before and since you moved. Every time we talk I almost end up peeing myself from laughing so hard (no joke). As much as I wish you still lived here and we still had art together and we still went to Good Times and talked about stupid smoothies / boys every day, it's always fun to hear about things in mini-India/'Nam. I'm so glad we've managed to stay friends after all this time, and I hope that lasts forever, because you are one of the most interesting, clever, intelligent people I have ever met in my life. I love you like a sister!
Dear Alli,
I can't tell you how much it drives me crazy that I hardly ever get to see you anymore. Why do we both have to be so busy / live so far apart? Anyway, I know you probably hear this every day of your life, but you're absolutely inspiring. Every morning I wake up and see that amazing painting hanging in my room, and I can't believe how talented you are, and how that's not limited in the least to one area or another: you're a fabulous artist, an incredible musician, and one of the most unique and intensely independent people I have ever met. I love you like crazy, and I'm so grateful that someone as amazing as you is my friend. And Alli? Don't ever let anyone discourage you. You are beautiful and sharp and witty and talented, and there are some truly phenomenal things in your future.
Dear Matt,
There is something about you that makes me weak in the knees. I'm not sure what it is--your good looks, your incredible sense of humor, your ability to know exactly what I want--I could go on and on, but there are some things that are better when no one else knows about them. There was a long time when I wasn't sure I would ever feel like this about someone again, but you stepped into my life in the most unexpected of ways, and since then you've managed to make everything in it about a thousand times better. It's so nice to know I can count on you, and I think I might just be the luckiest girl in the world to have ended up with someone so perfect for me. The only thing I don't like about this is that I spend too much time missing you, but I guess that's not so bad, either: it's just that much better when we're finally together again. Thank you for everything--for the flowers and the late-night phone calls, the ghost stories in Leyden, the kisses on my neck, the jokes and the laughing--everything. I was afraid to say it at first, but it's true: I love you.
Dear Leah,
I'm not sure where to begin with you. I am continually amazed by you, because you were there for me when no one else really understood what I needed. You were strong enough to forgive the people who made your life the most miserable (aside, of course, from Satan himself), and you helped me to get past quite possibly the most traumatic event of my life thus far. I'm a little sad that you live a thousand miles away now, because hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I could tell you everything that's going on in my life. You are without a doubt the strongest, wisest person I know, and I'm so grateful that you're back in my life.
Dear Mom,
I know it's lame to write you a stupid note on my stupid blog, but I guess some things are just hard to say to someone you don't always get along with. I know things are hard for both of us lately, and I know watching me grow up (and screw up, as I do on an almost daily basis) can't be easy, but I hope you realize I appreciate all this more than it's easy for me to let on. Thank you for caring and being around even when I'm a heinous bitch, for forgiving me for all the nasty things I've said and stupid things I've done, for loving me no matter what, even when I am really more of just a pain in the ass than anything. I'm glad we're both getting past this, and that we're both getting what we need now. You're a nut just like me, and I guess at the very least it keeps things interesting. You're kind of the sister I never had, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I can't always bring myself to say it out loud, but I do love you.
I'm taking a cue from you and writing letters to all my closest friends to let them know how much I adore them. Since I've known you the longest--a decade is over half our lives, after all--it only makes sense that you would come first. In spite of all our stupid fights, you really are my best friend in the whole entire world, and I wouldn't trade you for anything. I know I make fun of you (in my defense, you openly mock me on a fairly regular basis as well), but you are probably one of the more stoic people I have ever known: even when things are more than a bit messy for you, you always manage to keep on truckin, and that's more than most people, including myself, can say. You know me better than most people ever will, and you never fail to call me on it when I'm being completely ridiculous. Thank you for being my bestest best friend even when I don't deserve it in the least. You're the best.
Dear Kelsey,
We've only been friends for something like a year now, but I feel closer to you than I do to most people in spite of that. There's something about you that makes it impossible not to smile (or laugh til my stomach hurts) whenever we're together, and that makes me one of the luckier friends in the world. You care about your friends more than anyone else I have ever met, and we're all so fortunate to have you in our lives. It's so refreshing to be around someone like you, who tells the truth and doesn't avoid those rather touchy subjects. We need to have some serious BFF time in the rather near future, because not seeing you for more than, like, 12 hours makes me a little antsy. I love you MADLY and I'm so glad you've stuck with me through thick and thin. You are so much more beautiful and funny and smart and generally amazing than you give yourself credit for, and don't you forget it. Thank you for everything.
Dear Sowmie,
I miss you like crazy now that you live in California, but that doesn't stop me from remembering how much fun we've had before and since you moved. Every time we talk I almost end up peeing myself from laughing so hard (no joke). As much as I wish you still lived here and we still had art together and we still went to Good Times and talked about stupid smoothies / boys every day, it's always fun to hear about things in mini-India/'Nam. I'm so glad we've managed to stay friends after all this time, and I hope that lasts forever, because you are one of the most interesting, clever, intelligent people I have ever met in my life. I love you like a sister!
Dear Alli,
I can't tell you how much it drives me crazy that I hardly ever get to see you anymore. Why do we both have to be so busy / live so far apart? Anyway, I know you probably hear this every day of your life, but you're absolutely inspiring. Every morning I wake up and see that amazing painting hanging in my room, and I can't believe how talented you are, and how that's not limited in the least to one area or another: you're a fabulous artist, an incredible musician, and one of the most unique and intensely independent people I have ever met. I love you like crazy, and I'm so grateful that someone as amazing as you is my friend. And Alli? Don't ever let anyone discourage you. You are beautiful and sharp and witty and talented, and there are some truly phenomenal things in your future.
Dear Matt,
There is something about you that makes me weak in the knees. I'm not sure what it is--your good looks, your incredible sense of humor, your ability to know exactly what I want--I could go on and on, but there are some things that are better when no one else knows about them. There was a long time when I wasn't sure I would ever feel like this about someone again, but you stepped into my life in the most unexpected of ways, and since then you've managed to make everything in it about a thousand times better. It's so nice to know I can count on you, and I think I might just be the luckiest girl in the world to have ended up with someone so perfect for me. The only thing I don't like about this is that I spend too much time missing you, but I guess that's not so bad, either: it's just that much better when we're finally together again. Thank you for everything--for the flowers and the late-night phone calls, the ghost stories in Leyden, the kisses on my neck, the jokes and the laughing--everything. I was afraid to say it at first, but it's true: I love you.
Dear Leah,
I'm not sure where to begin with you. I am continually amazed by you, because you were there for me when no one else really understood what I needed. You were strong enough to forgive the people who made your life the most miserable (aside, of course, from Satan himself), and you helped me to get past quite possibly the most traumatic event of my life thus far. I'm a little sad that you live a thousand miles away now, because hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I could tell you everything that's going on in my life. You are without a doubt the strongest, wisest person I know, and I'm so grateful that you're back in my life.
Dear Mom,
I know it's lame to write you a stupid note on my stupid blog, but I guess some things are just hard to say to someone you don't always get along with. I know things are hard for both of us lately, and I know watching me grow up (and screw up, as I do on an almost daily basis) can't be easy, but I hope you realize I appreciate all this more than it's easy for me to let on. Thank you for caring and being around even when I'm a heinous bitch, for forgiving me for all the nasty things I've said and stupid things I've done, for loving me no matter what, even when I am really more of just a pain in the ass than anything. I'm glad we're both getting past this, and that we're both getting what we need now. You're a nut just like me, and I guess at the very least it keeps things interesting. You're kind of the sister I never had, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I can't always bring myself to say it out loud, but I do love you.
10/20/2007
19 October 2007
♥ awwwww
you're too cute.
10/19/2007
18 October 2007
♥ i'm just a notch in your bedpost
but you're just a line in a song.
10/18/2007
♥ i'm at a bit of a loss
about what to do
about you.
about you.
10/18/2007
17 October 2007
♥ fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm sick of being sick when I hear your name.
10/17/2007
♥ oh, kelsey...
"Hey guys? I thought cereal was something people made."
10/17/2007
♥ hahahahahaha
A chicken and an egg are in bed. The chicken is smoking. The egg rolls over and says, "I guess we answered that question."
10/17/2007
♥ dear charlotte,
Thanks for meeting my CAS requirements and making me seem at least moderately creative! You're the coolest thing I've ever done.
Love,
Emma
Love,
Emma
10/17/2007
16 October 2007
♥ i seriously, actually, honestly saw the devil last night.
I always laugh and roll my eyes at Jordan's ridiculous ghost stories and insistence that he saw a UFO in Michigan last summer, but maybe there is something about him that attracts the paranormal.
Last night was WAY scarier than any haunted house could have been.
Last night was WAY scarier than any haunted house could have been.
10/16/2007
15 October 2007
♥ because sometimes, love just means being ridiculous together.
10/15/2007
♥ for some reason,
I'm at a complete loss. I'm not sure what to say. Everything made sense yesterday, and now my life is muddled and unclear.
When will I know the real answer to all this?
When will I know the real answer to all this?
10/15/2007
14 October 2007
♥ i'm not so sure.
Tonight, at dinner, my dad thanked my mother for filling the salt shaker. It's little and it's boring and mundane and it really doesn't mean that much in the scheme of things, but I guess after twenty years of marriage it's nice to have someone in your life who thinks ahead for you.
Maybe my whole life doesn't have to be one exciting adventure after another. Maybe it doesn't all have to be about moving from one great big thing to the next. Maybe I can just be satisfied with comfort and familiarity.
Then again, the school of my dreams awaits. Am I really willing to leave all this behind?
Maybe my whole life doesn't have to be one exciting adventure after another. Maybe it doesn't all have to be about moving from one great big thing to the next. Maybe I can just be satisfied with comfort and familiarity.
Then again, the school of my dreams awaits. Am I really willing to leave all this behind?
10/14/2007
♥ shawshank.
"You better get busy living or get busy dying."
--Andy Dufresne
10/14/2007
♥ props to my iguana head.
Because he's my family, I don't always realize it... But my uncle is really one of the most talented people I know. I think John and I have a lot more in common than I used to understand, but the more I find out about him, the more I think that can't be anything but good.
10/14/2007
♥ the barenaked ladies are a bunch of nerds who have everything figured out.
They say you'll never love another
Til you love yourself,
Well brother
I'm in love with everyone I see!
10/14/2007
♥ even when things don't go the way i expect,
Being with you is always fun.
10/14/2007
11 October 2007
♥ well, maybe this time i can follow through
You don't do it on purpose
But you make me shake
Now I count the hours 'til you wake
With your baby's breath,
Breathe symphonies
Come on, s.w.e.e.t catastrophe
[Into the hurricane]
10/11/2007
♥ it's been a long week so far...
...and all I can think about is how I wish you were sleeping here tonight. I think everything would be a little easier if I knew I could look forward to falling asleep in your arms.
10/11/2007
♥ already?!
That's a little harsh, especially considering the "argument." Maybe this is a test of my brand new resolution to not care so much what everyone thinks.
But I care what they think, because I know he cares what they think.
But I care what they think, because I know he cares what they think.
10/11/2007
♥ bump.
'Cause I'm a throwdown kinda bitch
I don't play around
See, I cut the fuck up
and I knock the fuck down...
10/11/2007
10 October 2007
♥ one of those little things that everyone knows but inexplicably hates to admit:
Eminem is a talented musician with an interesting story to tell.
10/10/2007
♥ forcibly fifteen.
- Thank you so much. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but you gave it to me anyway. You are beautiful, smart, and more talented that I'd even realized. I'm so amazed by the fact that you turned out to be truly the opposite of what I used to think. I don't know if I can ever let you know how grateful I am that you understood what I was going through when literally no one else could.
- I'm sorry you lost me there for awhile... I'm back, though, and this time it's for good. I know I didn't treat you like I should have, and I know you must think I'm an asshole because I came back from the dark side so quickly and acted like I'd been there all along. But I know I wasn't; believe me, I know. I hope you can forgive me, and that we can pick up where we left off now that I've learned my lesson, because I remember now why I've loved you so much for so long.
- I always hope my friends will give someone a big, fat "fuck you" when they try to gossip about me, but this is one of the first times I know of that it's actually happened. You're more badass (and more goddamn cute) than anyone gives you credit for. I love you like crazy, and the only thing I don't like about being friends with you is that I don't see nearly enough of you.
- That was one of the most exhausting friendships I've ever dealt with, save my last trip to the dark side (freshman year), and I'm so done with you. I'm done being manipulated. I'm done being treated like shit. I'm done with the way you treat everyone. I can't deal with it anymore.
- You must be too good to be true... I can't believe I got this lucky. You are seriously perfect in every possible way; even your imperfections are sweet, almost charming. There are truly no words to describe how I feel about you, how happy you make me, how wonderful you are. Thank you for making me remember what it's like to feel this way about someone. It feels a little scary to say this again, but... I really do love you.
- The circumstances of our reconciliation (or at least, the closest we will come with things as they are) are strange and unexpected. It feels good anyway.
- You're not what I thought at all. Wait, I take that back, you kind of are. But as it turns out, you're kind of sweet, and I like you.
- I missed you this summer. I'm crazy about you, you know, because you make me laugh like no one can, and because you care about your friends more than anyone I've ever met. I'll never forget the day you became my friend: it was that week from hell last semester, and you saw how down I was, and--having only talked to me a couple of times in class--you made me cookies (which were delicious, by the way) and brought me a card, and even now I get a little choked up thinking about how lucky I am to have you.
- Sorry I ditched you guys. There's no excuse, but for what it's worth, I'm back.
- I treated you with dignity and respect when this happened to you. Why won't you show me the same courtesy, you two-faced, backstabbing bitch? Oh, and one other thing: stop trying to get the dirt on me by talking to my friends. They don't appreciate it, either.
- It feels good to finally not care what you do. I mean, given, it took me long enough: it's been over six months since you broke my heart into a million little pieces. And while seeing you still smarts a little, I'm finally able to savor the fond memories I have of you, and of us. I've picked up the pieces and I'm onto the next adventure, except this adventure treats me like I'm worth it.
- Seeing and talking to you today reminded me of middle school, of freshman year. You were funny then, and you're funny now. Bigger than that, though, you reminded me to give my bestest friends at PHS a call... Thank you.
- I miss you so much. Come home.
- You are a testament to the idea that beauty is only skin-deep.
- You run your mouth and you're ridiculous more often than not, but as obnoxious as you are, I am beginning to love you, a little. I can't stand you sometimes, but I finally saw that other side of you, and I guess you're not quite what I thought. You're alright, you know that?
10/10/2007
♥ if he thinks so... maybe i am doing things right.
10/10/2007
♥ leah lauren pantea:
Thank you.
Thank you for forgiving me even though I didn't deserve it. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most. Thank you for understanding when no one else could. Thank you for remembering how you felt. Thank you for moving on with me... No, thank you for being strong and moving on by yourself so I could do it, too.
Thank you for everything.
You are the bravest girl I know, and I will always admire you for it.
Thank you for forgiving me even though I didn't deserve it. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most. Thank you for understanding when no one else could. Thank you for remembering how you felt. Thank you for moving on with me... No, thank you for being strong and moving on by yourself so I could do it, too.
Thank you for everything.
You are the bravest girl I know, and I will always admire you for it.
10/10/2007
08 October 2007
♥ the city's humming,
I'm wide awake,
it's morning.
10/08/2007
♥ dear sowmie,
Thank you for being the most refreshing person in my life. I love you madly and I miss you so much that sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself. It's at the weirdest times, you know: sometimes in the middle of a class I will wonder what you're doing and hope we run into each other somewhere in the near future, because as unlikely as that possibility may seem, I think we could probably figure out most of the problems in this crazy old world over a bowl or two of you-know-what.
So even if I can't send you weed for your birthday because they will see it and arrest me, even if we will never take drawing and painting with Mr. Hannagan again, even if Colorado and California are a thousand miles apart, you are still my bestest friend.
Don't forget about me, okay?
So even if I can't send you weed for your birthday because they will see it and arrest me, even if we will never take drawing and painting with Mr. Hannagan again, even if Colorado and California are a thousand miles apart, you are still my bestest friend.
Don't forget about me, okay?
10/08/2007
♥ i wish
that my bestest friend in California to let me read her blog because she is BRILLIANT AND AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND I LOVE HER MADLY so please please please please please?
10/08/2007
♥ columbus day is not a "PC" holiday.
Happy Columbus Day, everyone! I guess even if savagely beating Native Americans while they slave away mining gold and spices for you isn't your style, there are plenty of reasons to celebrate this holiday.
- Indians! The phrase "Native American" is a bit cumbersome, but thanks to Columbus, who thought he'd reached Asia, we get to call them Indians when we think no one is paying close attention.
- Virgins! Even though most people don't think of warm, beautiful islands as great places to be virgins, Columbus gives us a new outlook on islands / virginity by naming the "Virgin Islands." Actually, that's not entirely accurate. Originally, it was called "Santa Ursula y las Once Mil Virgenes," or "Saint Ursula and the Eleven Thousand Virgins." You can see why they changed the name.
- Nifty globes! Although I feel that silly little cube globes would be way cooler than the ones we have now (and they would make more sense when you tried to flatten them out), it was Columbus who figured out that the earth was actually not a piece of paper.
- Turtles! The Cayman Islands were actually once dubbed "Las Tortugas" because there were gazillions of turtles there. This one is twofold: a) the Caymans are warm and lovely to visit, and b) turtles are freaking adorable if slightly stinky.
- Crappy family vacations! If you have relatives in the soul-crushingly boring Columbus, Ohio, or the equally uninteresting Columbus, South Carolina, you know what I'm talking about.
I guess that's about it. So next time you're feeling like Columbus day is a completely worthless holiday, check the little list and remember that you owe Columbus quite a lot, even if he wasn't actually the first guy to find America.
10/08/2007
♥ to my collegiate readers:
It has recently come to my attention that I actually have a collegiate readership, which, of course, is understandable, as a) I update my blog fairly regularly, and b) I actually still attend LHS, which means all the latest and greatest gossip comes straight from the source. Plus I usually have a fair amount to say, for better or for worse.
That said, I feel the need to clarify a few things.
1. The mysterious and oh-so-well-spoken Morgan Potts. First, I feel it necessary to make note of the fact that I am aware of our past mutual distaste for one another; however, we seem to be getting on quite well now that we are oceans apart and are no longer competing for the same friend base. Of course, my initial admiration for Morgan stemmed from the fact that, as the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and I do so disdain anonymity. What I have to say is usually quite to the point and not always pleasant, but I feel that if you're really willing to stand by what you have to say, you should put your name out there with it. That said, I would like to note that Morgan is one of the more eloquent people with whom I've come in contact, and in a school full of intelligent (albeit pretentious) young adults, I think that's saying something. I admire Morgan for her ability to attract only the most perceptive and coherent of dissenters (cowardice aside), and because I don't think I could ever be brave enough to actually move to another continent to start over.
2. You're really not missing much. It's a brand-new building, but--for better or for worse--it's the same old LHS. We have an atrium (read: "glorified cafeteria"), but we also have Mr. Davis, who I'm pretty sure will be running the place for the next several decades, even as he grows too curmudgeonly to be exposed to first-year students. The ceilings are higher and the library is bigger, but we still have the same copious amounts of homework, and the all-nighters aren't going anywhere. But worst of all, the place is full of gossipy bitches, just like it was back in your day. (Remember?) People will still take any excuse they can get their grubby little meathooks on to talk about you, even if it's not really tangible. Some people even think I'm a bitch, which is only ridiculous because they seem to think they're the first ones to point it out. They're not.
3. A couple of things that might interest you: Mr. Vigil is marrying Ms. High. Sometimes they hold hands. It's kind of cute. Dr. Neal's bald spot has grown exponentially in the last couple of weeks; possibly it's my lack of interest in TOGay that keeps her up at night. Mr. Mehlbach still insists on hitting the walls of his classroom with that god damned wooden sword, which makes it rather difficult to write a proper essay next door, especially since I wish I were still in his class. I'm still terrified of Ms. Tucker; one of these days I'm convinced she's going to turn into a toad and eat me when I beg for help on my history IA topic. Ms. Talle, I'm convinced, is a nympho, and we haven't even gotten to reproduction yet (sickeningly enough, I can't wait). Our football team is back to losing all the time again, and the juniors spend a lot of time in MY senior area. It's pissing me off.
Most importantly, I'm jealous of all you collegiate types. I certainly hope things will get a little easier once I'm in your shoes.
Until next time, then.
That said, I feel the need to clarify a few things.
1. The mysterious and oh-so-well-spoken Morgan Potts. First, I feel it necessary to make note of the fact that I am aware of our past mutual distaste for one another; however, we seem to be getting on quite well now that we are oceans apart and are no longer competing for the same friend base. Of course, my initial admiration for Morgan stemmed from the fact that, as the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and I do so disdain anonymity. What I have to say is usually quite to the point and not always pleasant, but I feel that if you're really willing to stand by what you have to say, you should put your name out there with it. That said, I would like to note that Morgan is one of the more eloquent people with whom I've come in contact, and in a school full of intelligent (albeit pretentious) young adults, I think that's saying something. I admire Morgan for her ability to attract only the most perceptive and coherent of dissenters (cowardice aside), and because I don't think I could ever be brave enough to actually move to another continent to start over.
2. You're really not missing much. It's a brand-new building, but--for better or for worse--it's the same old LHS. We have an atrium (read: "glorified cafeteria"), but we also have Mr. Davis, who I'm pretty sure will be running the place for the next several decades, even as he grows too curmudgeonly to be exposed to first-year students. The ceilings are higher and the library is bigger, but we still have the same copious amounts of homework, and the all-nighters aren't going anywhere. But worst of all, the place is full of gossipy bitches, just like it was back in your day. (Remember?) People will still take any excuse they can get their grubby little meathooks on to talk about you, even if it's not really tangible. Some people even think I'm a bitch, which is only ridiculous because they seem to think they're the first ones to point it out. They're not.
3. A couple of things that might interest you: Mr. Vigil is marrying Ms. High. Sometimes they hold hands. It's kind of cute. Dr. Neal's bald spot has grown exponentially in the last couple of weeks; possibly it's my lack of interest in TOGay that keeps her up at night. Mr. Mehlbach still insists on hitting the walls of his classroom with that god damned wooden sword, which makes it rather difficult to write a proper essay next door, especially since I wish I were still in his class. I'm still terrified of Ms. Tucker; one of these days I'm convinced she's going to turn into a toad and eat me when I beg for help on my history IA topic. Ms. Talle, I'm convinced, is a nympho, and we haven't even gotten to reproduction yet (sickeningly enough, I can't wait). Our football team is back to losing all the time again, and the juniors spend a lot of time in MY senior area. It's pissing me off.
Most importantly, I'm jealous of all you collegiate types. I certainly hope things will get a little easier once I'm in your shoes.
Until next time, then.
10/08/2007
07 October 2007
♥ sometimes, history can be really funny.
When a revised edition of The Great Terror appeared after the fall of the Soviet Union, Conquest was asked by his publisher to suggest a new title. Conquest allegedly replied, "How about 'I told you so, you fucking fools'?"
Thanks to Wikipedia
10/07/2007
♥ my bear is right:
All is right with the world.
It feels nice to have a purpose again, even if it's only momentary.
Because Kevin Smith was right: that's all life really is, a series of moments, and all we can really do is get through them as well as we know how.
It feels nice to have a purpose again, even if it's only momentary.
Because Kevin Smith was right: that's all life really is, a series of moments, and all we can really do is get through them as well as we know how.
10/07/2007
♥ for the first time,
Seeing my ex didn't make me feel jealous or sad or angry or really anything at all. It didn't hurt to say hello. I didn't feel my chest tighten up and I didn't get that nasty, awful longing feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Because the moment I saw him, there you were. I felt you touch my hand, and I realized that nothing else in my past--exes, mistakes I've made, none of that--really matters. You are what really matters. I have you, I have my real friends (the ones who have stuck with me through thick and thin, even when I really didn't deserve it), and the truth is, I'm perfectly happy with my lot in life.
It felt good not to care who was watching. It felt good not to care what anyone else thought of me. For the first time, I got to a dance and I just wanted to dance.
Because the moment I saw him, there you were. I felt you touch my hand, and I realized that nothing else in my past--exes, mistakes I've made, none of that--really matters. You are what really matters. I have you, I have my real friends (the ones who have stuck with me through thick and thin, even when I really didn't deserve it), and the truth is, I'm perfectly happy with my lot in life.
It felt good not to care who was watching. It felt good not to care what anyone else thought of me. For the first time, I got to a dance and I just wanted to dance.
10/07/2007
♥ beautiful. amazing. fabulous. wonderful...
...perfect.
I love you.
I love you.
10/07/2007
05 October 2007
♥ if only i could put it into words.
"Happiness is the most avoided emotion because we don't know what to do with it. "
--Morgan Potts
Because sometimes, someone says something so beautiful and elegant and it makes so much sense that you want to put it up for all the world to see.
10/05/2007
♥ crushed.
"Love is possible. Not proven or disproven, but possible."
--Tennessee Williams
In the middle of April last year, I completely lost it. My parents didn't know what do to because I was a complete mess.
The problem was that I'd realized something and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I had completely convinced myself that love wasn't real.
Change, I reasoned, was the only constant, except when I needed a change. Nothing stayed the same. Everything changed, even the things I was sure I needed to keep going.
Love, of course, is unconditional, but if everything is always changing, how can there be such a thing as love? How can something claim to defy the laws of nature and yet be such a natural thing?
Then came summer, the one thing I was sure would rescue me, and for awhile, it did. Things made sense again.
And now, just when I've become sure love really is possible--and I don't just mean the kind where you fall in love, I mean the kind between mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, and most of all, of course, best friends--I'm feeling it all over again.
If love is real, why do I feel so alone?
10/05/2007
♥ ...hey alli?
Thank you.
10/05/2007
02 October 2007
♥ my mother was right!
I think I have Peruvian Finger Rot.
10/02/2007
