30 March 2005
♥ Things That Jeff Refuses to Try
I have this friend, right? Yeah, well, he's pretty cool except for he's not real... open-minded. There are a lot of things he won't even try:
- Escargot
- Shuffling
- Nothing else. Nothing. Nothing used to be here.
3/30/2005
29 March 2005
♥ Yes, M'Dear, She Did
If you've ever read Ann Brashare's "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants," you know what I mean. Lindsey doesn't believe me, but let's just say this: Bridget totally did. Yes huh.
3/29/2005
26 March 2005
♥ Why Blink-182's "Indefinite Hiatus" Makes Me Really Cool
Needless to say, it didn't take an announcement on Channel 93.3 to confirm that Blink-182 was a dead band. I could have told you that, like, as soon as their last album came out. It SUCKED. So that was pretty much the end of an era.
But, you know, some of their old stuff is pretty good. It makes me think of this really awesome quote: "Youth may be fleeting, but immaturity can last forever." That's so true. I mean, this band is the epitome if immature. Sure, sometime's it's annoying, but there are some things Blink-182 is good for. Now that I've said that, I guess I should list some of them: (NOTE: Keep in mind that none of the redeeming qualities seen below are to be found in their self-titled CD. Because it sucks, remember? So it doesn't count.)
You know what was a really awesome band? The Grateful Dead. Sure, they mostly broke up because Jerry Garcia died. But that's not the point, so hang on. The point is, they had some seriously devoted groupies. Deadheads, in case your mother never told you. Okay, I wasn't a groupie. But I did see Blink in concert. (I was within like 20 feet of Travis, you know... Branden, shut up.)
Okay, are you ready? Here's why I'm cool: I am, at long last, one of those really, really cool people that, in ten years, when some new-age punk is like, "Hey, Blink-182? Old school!" I'll be like, "Oh, yeah, I saw them in concert when I was fourteen." And the kid will be like, "Really, Auntie... Emma [or whatever they call me... it's sure as hell not gonna be MY kid], that's so cool!" And I'll be like, "Yeah, I'll loan you some of their CDs to put on your... brain chip or whatever [it's ten years from now, keep in mind]" and the kid's gonna be like, "WOW! CDs!" and I'll be like, "Yep... they were actually pretty new when I was a kid." And then I'll feel all old. But that's not the point.
Actually, I'm not really sure what the point is. I kind of forgot. I think it's that I'm cool because I saw a dead band in concert. Before they were dead. Yeah. So anyway. I guess that's it.
It's hard to find a photo that properly captures their... child-like innocence? No... more like blatant obnoxiousness... or extreme immaturity, maybe... anyway, I think this pretty much does it.
But, you know, some of their old stuff is pretty good. It makes me think of this really awesome quote: "Youth may be fleeting, but immaturity can last forever." That's so true. I mean, this band is the epitome if immature. Sure, sometime's it's annoying, but there are some things Blink-182 is good for. Now that I've said that, I guess I should list some of them: (NOTE: Keep in mind that none of the redeeming qualities seen below are to be found in their self-titled CD. Because it sucks, remember? So it doesn't count.)
- Breaking up: As is to be expected from three guys that "never want to act their age," these dumbasses are the kings of getting dumped. You cannot compile a proper breakup mix without a few of their songs.
- Not acting one's age: Like I said, who needs maturity? Jesus, I hope I won't be required to grow up. I'll hate it. Most of their songs that aren't about getting dumped or falling in love are about being immature and not wanting to grow up. (See "What's My Age Again" if you don't believe me.) Ah, the stuff dreams are made of.
- Last, but certainly not least, Feeling sorry for oneself: No, not Adam's Song. Well, that too. But that wasn't what I had in mind. I'm thinking... "Dystentary Gary." Or "Happy Holidays, You Bastard." Or, for those of you concerned with ailing humanity, try "Give Me One Good Reason" and "Anthem" parts I and II.
You know what was a really awesome band? The Grateful Dead. Sure, they mostly broke up because Jerry Garcia died. But that's not the point, so hang on. The point is, they had some seriously devoted groupies. Deadheads, in case your mother never told you. Okay, I wasn't a groupie. But I did see Blink in concert. (I was within like 20 feet of Travis, you know... Branden, shut up.)
Okay, are you ready? Here's why I'm cool: I am, at long last, one of those really, really cool people that, in ten years, when some new-age punk is like, "Hey, Blink-182? Old school!" I'll be like, "Oh, yeah, I saw them in concert when I was fourteen." And the kid will be like, "Really, Auntie... Emma [or whatever they call me... it's sure as hell not gonna be MY kid], that's so cool!" And I'll be like, "Yeah, I'll loan you some of their CDs to put on your... brain chip or whatever [it's ten years from now, keep in mind]" and the kid's gonna be like, "WOW! CDs!" and I'll be like, "Yep... they were actually pretty new when I was a kid." And then I'll feel all old. But that's not the point.
Actually, I'm not really sure what the point is. I kind of forgot. I think it's that I'm cool because I saw a dead band in concert. Before they were dead. Yeah. So anyway. I guess that's it.
3/26/2005
25 March 2005
♥ Who Is Andrew Resnik?
I'll tell you who. Andrew Resnik is a teeny-bopper. That's right. Actually, he's a reporter for Channel 9 News. But you know what? Like a year ago, Andrew disappeared. So, being naturally curious (okay, nosy... shut up), I checked into it.
A simple Googling of the name turned up more than I was actually interested in. Andrew Resnik was "taking some time off" for drug rehab. And, you know, whatever it takes, right?
But here's the thing: Andrew Resnik didn't even do, like, real, respectable drugs. He got thrown in the slammer (ok, rehab) for Ecstasy. That's a freakin' teeny bopper drug! That's the Persecuted Teen drug of choice! Andrew Resnik, though perhaps persecuted, is by no stretch of the imagination a teen.
Ok, that's pretty much who Andrew Resnik is. Mostly, I find it kind of irritating that I can't watch the news anymore and see him do a story or whatever without thinking "Jesus, that guy did freakin' Ecstasy. Poor sob couldn't even get ahold of a real drug..."
Anyway, that was kind of dumb and pointless. I really thought you should know who Andrew Resnik is.
The above picture, of course, is of Andrew Resnik. Thought you should know.
A simple Googling of the name turned up more than I was actually interested in. Andrew Resnik was "taking some time off" for drug rehab. And, you know, whatever it takes, right?
But here's the thing: Andrew Resnik didn't even do, like, real, respectable drugs. He got thrown in the slammer (ok, rehab) for Ecstasy. That's a freakin' teeny bopper drug! That's the Persecuted Teen drug of choice! Andrew Resnik, though perhaps persecuted, is by no stretch of the imagination a teen.
Ok, that's pretty much who Andrew Resnik is. Mostly, I find it kind of irritating that I can't watch the news anymore and see him do a story or whatever without thinking "Jesus, that guy did freakin' Ecstasy. Poor sob couldn't even get ahold of a real drug..."
Anyway, that was kind of dumb and pointless. I really thought you should know who Andrew Resnik is.
The above picture, of course, is of Andrew Resnik. Thought you should know.
Disclaimer: My dad read this and said it's "not okay" to post on, like, authority / public figures and stuff. Well, I think that's censorship and, even though I'm not technically a person yet, my First Amendment rights tell me that I can pretty much say whatever I want about Andrew Resnik unless I'm completely making it up or whatever (slander, eh? Hey, Ann Coulter wrote a book called Slander. I hate Ann Coulter). But I guess my disclaimer is that I don't actually hate Andrew Resnik or anything. I don't touch that hate-o-rade. I mean, yeah, he, like, "made a mistake... blah blah blah*" or whatever... but the 'rents (er, my dad) say I shouldn't keep reminding him of it if he's "cleaned up his act." To which I say: "Um, Andrew Resnik has no idea... he'll probably never see my site... like 3 kids have actually looked at it, Dad." Anyway. I guess that's my disclaimer. That was a waste of ten minutes.
*This is where I lost interest in whatever my dad was saying and zoned out.
*This is where I lost interest in whatever my dad was saying and zoned out.
3/25/2005
♥ The Librarian Hall of Shame: Crouching Kayla, Hidden Panther
Okay, so in the eighth grade, Kayla and I worked on the Newspaper staff. For the record, the paper sucked. We basically never did anything except play Donut Boy or whatever with our friend Cameron. And sing blink-182 songs with Abi, who was the rockin'est boss we could have asked for. Except when she grounded me. I was mad about getting grounded. She wouldn't let me leave the room for like a week. Even when certain significant sophomores (they were freshmen at the time) came. Jesus. I was deeply upset. But other than that Abi rocked. We made fun of Hamlin a lot too. He was an ass.
Anyway, one day, everyone had pretty much gone home, and we were in the library, carrying out our usual routine (this consisted of me chasing Kayla around with a magic marker and trying to draw kitty whiskers on her).
So Kayla runs to one end of the LMC and I, being as exceptionally clever as I am, ran and hid under this long table that had a bunch of computers on it. Of course, when Kayla came to find me, I said, in the most nature documentarian-esque voice I could muster, "Observe as the cunning panther stalks its prey."
But Kayla wasn't laughing. She looked kind of white. Like whiter than usual, if that's possible. And when I looked up, I saw why: it was the one and only Geriatri-Graham! Yep, the most incredibly mean-spirited librarian / dinosaur ever to walk the earth had marched in right in the middle of my display of 5-ish year old behavior.
Damn.
Anyway, the Grahaminator storms over and gets about two inches from my face and says, in her deadliest voice, "Are you quite finished?" She smelled kind of like garlic cloves and cherry cough syrup. It was pretty gross.
So of course I was like, "Uh, yeah...?" I mean, I couldn't say, "No, bitch, I'm not! I haven't attacked Kayla and drawn kitty whiskers on her yet!" So that was that.
But some poor proctologist must have finally removed the stick, because she didn't even tattle on the sponsor. She did make me clean gum off the bottom of the tables, but most of it was mine so I didn't really mind that much.
Anyway, that, my dears, is the story of Crouching Kayla, Hidden Panther. If you're interested, here's a link to the Moore Middle School site. The Grahaminator doesn't work there (she finally reached that level where you're so... geriatric that they MAKE you retire), but you should still check it out.
Anyway, one day, everyone had pretty much gone home, and we were in the library, carrying out our usual routine (this consisted of me chasing Kayla around with a magic marker and trying to draw kitty whiskers on her).
So Kayla runs to one end of the LMC and I, being as exceptionally clever as I am, ran and hid under this long table that had a bunch of computers on it. Of course, when Kayla came to find me, I said, in the most nature documentarian-esque voice I could muster, "Observe as the cunning panther stalks its prey."
But Kayla wasn't laughing. She looked kind of white. Like whiter than usual, if that's possible. And when I looked up, I saw why: it was the one and only Geriatri-Graham! Yep, the most incredibly mean-spirited librarian / dinosaur ever to walk the earth had marched in right in the middle of my display of 5-ish year old behavior.
Damn.
Anyway, the Grahaminator storms over and gets about two inches from my face and says, in her deadliest voice, "Are you quite finished?" She smelled kind of like garlic cloves and cherry cough syrup. It was pretty gross.
So of course I was like, "Uh, yeah...?" I mean, I couldn't say, "No, bitch, I'm not! I haven't attacked Kayla and drawn kitty whiskers on her yet!" So that was that.
But some poor proctologist must have finally removed the stick, because she didn't even tattle on the sponsor. She did make me clean gum off the bottom of the tables, but most of it was mine so I didn't really mind that much.
Anyway, that, my dears, is the story of Crouching Kayla, Hidden Panther. If you're interested, here's a link to the Moore Middle School site. The Grahaminator doesn't work there (she finally reached that level where you're so... geriatric that they MAKE you retire), but you should still check it out.
3/25/2005
♥ Boys: Pigeons
And then God said, "And now I shall make boys. And they shall be in every way like the pigeon." She said, "Their voices shall crack (like that of a pigeon), they shall mostly eat and take dumps on things (as a pigeon would), and above all else, they shall be very, very stupid." And then, God made boys.
3/25/2005
23 March 2005
♥ Jenny, Here It Is... Actually, You Didn't Request It
Since I'm really nothing without my friends, I thought I should show you how funny and awesome they are. Jenny, this is kind of like your quote page. Except nothing any of the sevies said is on it. Wait, just kidding, I think Zack made the hall of fame/shame. Anyway. Carry on.
Me: "Kayla, you are a crappy depression buster."
Kayla: "Yeah, I could never work for the Crisis Hotline... 'Haha you only took 10 Ibuprofen to kill yourself? It takes at least 30 and then you have to chase it with Vodka or something... glad I could help.'"
Me: "Kayla, you are a crappy depression buster."
Kayla: "Yeah, I could never work for the Crisis Hotline... 'Haha you only took 10 Ibuprofen to kill yourself? It takes at least 30 and then you have to chase it with Vodka or something... glad I could help.'"
"Gorak... need... air..."
--Lauren
"Damn ye pagan po-tay-toe gods!"
--Me to C.May (ask her sometime)
"Boys are like lava lamps... fun to look at, but not very bright."
-Camille
"I'd prefer the term 'Caucasian Garbage,' thank you very much."
--Matt
"If you insist on saying 'woman,' it has to be followed by some sort of derisive command, like 'make me a sandwich."
--Kristin
--Lauren
"Damn ye pagan po-tay-toe gods!"
--Me to C.May (ask her sometime)
"Boys are like lava lamps... fun to look at, but not very bright."
-Camille
"I'd prefer the term 'Caucasian Garbage,' thank you very much."
--Matt
"If you insist on saying 'woman,' it has to be followed by some sort of derisive command, like 'make me a sandwich."
--Kristin
Me to Vince: "Jenny's stalker has a knife."
Vince: "I have a knife!"
Vince: "I have a knife!"
"Sun bad for Lane."
--Lane
--Lane
Jeff: "You're retarded, Nick."
Nick: "What? Why?"
Jeff: "I got nothin'."
Me to Joel: "Stop it, Joel! He will be sooooooo mad if you break our atom... molecule... thing... whatever! He'll yell at us!"
Joel: "What, in his monotone voice? Oh, don't look at me like I'm so mean... I get mocked all the time! I'm short and my last name's Jolly, for heaven's sake."
Nick: "What? Why?"
Jeff: "I got nothin'."
Me to Joel: "Stop it, Joel! He will be sooooooo mad if you break our atom... molecule... thing... whatever! He'll yell at us!"
Joel: "What, in his monotone voice? Oh, don't look at me like I'm so mean... I get mocked all the time! I'm short and my last name's Jolly, for heaven's sake."
"It's been exactly 189 days, 7 hours, and 6 minutes since you broke my heart, Jenny."
--Zack*
(*Note: Zack didn't ACTUALLY say that... I said it... but it's kind of like what Zack%2
--Zack*
(*Note: Zack didn't ACTUALLY say that... I said it... but it's kind of like what Zack%2
3/23/2005
♥ Courtney Love and Why I Hate Her
Here Is Something I Don't Know If You Knew:
I HATE COURTNEY LOVE. PROBABLY MORE THAN IS REASONABLE.
I HATE COURTNEY LOVE. PROBABLY MORE THAN IS REASONABLE.
I think the main reason that I hate her is that everyone needs a scapegoat. It's all Courtney Love's fault. Think about it: she can be pinned as the root cause for absolutely anything! Oversexualization of young girls? Cha! Being a huge whore? For sure! Drugs? Yep. Violence? Yeah... remember that time she attacked some photographer or a stripper or something at a nightclub or a concert or some such event? Also, sorry, but she totally killed Kurt Cobain. Ooh, add that to the list! The downfall of Nirvana? Check. So remember: when in doubt, blame it on Courtney.
I hate her. I just really, really... hate her.3/23/2005
♥ Good Movies You Should See
Mind you, these are in no particular order... just the order I thought of them in. Anyway. Watch them.
- Dogma
- Best in Show
- Magnolia
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
- Mallrats
- This is SPINAL TAP
- Saved!
- Napoleon Dynamite
- Gone With the Wind
- The Tao of Steve
- Vertical Limit
- Wayne's World (I and II, baby!)
- Revenge of the Nerds
- Being John Malkovich
- The Princess Bride
- Grease
- Steel Magnolias
- Girl, Interrupted
- Mermaids
- Gandhi
- Monty Python's Life of Brian
- The Royal Tenenbaums
- Con Air
- Remember the Titans
- Clerks
- Lord of the Rings (yes, all three of them... I know I'm a nerd... shut up)
- The Urethra Chronicles
- Galaxy Quest
- Star Wars (see above)
- Moonstruck
- Ghostbusters
- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- The Life Aquatic
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
- Garden State
- Moulin Rouge
- The Breakfast Club
- O Brother, Where Art Thou?
- The Milagro Beanfield War
3/23/2005
♥ Other Rockin' Websites
- www.homestarrunner.com - few things rock more than Homestar. Play TROGDOR.
- www.whatsuckstoday.blogspot.com - Kayla's website. It has more than 200 hits now because Kayla rocks. Is very funny and has good links.
- www.angelfire.com/rpg2/goawaybrad - clearly, if you are Brad Erthal, you are not welcome at this site. Of course, how seriously can you take anything Docker says?
- www.rathergood.com/biscuits - very awesome. You should watch this and also the one with the crabs.
- www.bongonews.com - v. funny. Also, lots of Courtney Love bashings. I love it.
3/23/2005
22 March 2005
♥ Some Really Good Music
In short, there is nothing that rocks my socks off more than music. Well, maybe a few things. Never mind. Anyway, here are a bunch of really really good bands / artists and stuff I like. Don't judge me. Also, I think I forgot some stuff. So this is, technically, an incomplete list. Okay. Read on. Oh, and just for the record, it's too hard to list bands I like in the order that I like them in. So it's entirely random. Okay now you can read on.
- Violent Femmes
- The Jimi Hendrix Experience
- Ramones
- The Cars
- Green Day
- Jimmy Eat World
- Brand New
- The Beatles
- Taking Back Sunday
- Better Than Ezra
- Queen
- AC / DC
- Prodigy
- Default
- The Hives
- Van Halen
- NOFX
- The Clash
- Dead Kennedys
- Spin Doctors
- Metallica
- Pink Floyd
- Led Zeppelin
- Nirvana
- The Strokes
- The Darkness
- Dashboard Confessional
- Red Hot Chili Peppers
- blink-182 (come on, they're a dead band... they deserve a little respect, eh?)
- Madonna *hangs head in shame*
- Fine Young Cannibals
- Franz Ferdinand
- Sex Pistols
- Marcy Playground
- Alanis Morissette
- The Early November
- All-American Rejects
- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
- Less Than Jake
- Keane (shut up, I only like that one song)
- The Killers
- Dar Williams
- The Vines
3/22/2005
♥ Some Good Books That I Will Like You Better If You Read
There are lots and lots of good books in the world, I'm sure. But I like these ones. As such, I will think you are much cooler if you read them.
- Hairstyles of the Damned by Joe Meno
- Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
- Feed by M.T. Anderson
- Define Normal by Julie Anne Peters
- The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Anne Brashares (read all three)
- Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein, duh. I'm a nerd. I know. Shut up.
3/22/2005
