30 June 2007
♥ the teen angst guide to the hard-partying lifestyle.
Ah, the quintessential self-medication of the 21st-century teen. Here, I've laid out a list of the pros and cons of each of America's favorite angsty teen pastimes.
Cons: Sex is one of the main causes of teen angst. Either you're getting some and nobody's calling you back, or you're not getting any and you can't figure out why. In any case, nobody wants to feel unwanted, but unfortunately, that's the nature of sex: it's always kind of one-sided. Other cons include the potential for STDs, pregnancy, and nasty stains that will show up under a black light if you're ever on Room Raiders.
Cons: The crash when the high wears off, potential weight gain from late-night Chic-Fil-A runs when you and your best friend get the munchies, scary hallucinations, and the fact that it's pretty much impossible to sneak back in the house when you reek like weed and your eyes are all bloodshot and you can't stop laughing at these really inane little things. Also, burning yourself on a lighter while lighting a pipe/bong/spliff/etc. is a much bigger hazard than you might realize.
Cons: Throwing up is disgusting, and you usually end up with vomit on your clothes. Also, it's nigh impossible to get rid of the stench of alcohol before you stumble in the door early the next morning to crash before you go to work; this dilemma often attracts the attention of any parental units with whom you happen to be sharing a living space. In addition, when you hit the ever-so-sought-after classification of drunken stupor, you'll probably want to leave the party, which you shouldn't because you definitely should not be driving, mister. Even the other drunk people are telling you only a moron would drive when they're as drunk as you are. Being DD may suck, but somebody has to do it.
Now that we've covered those beloved staples of the American teen lifestyle, you'll need a quick checklist before you head out to party hardy:
Ask yourself, do I have my...
Sex.
Pros: Who doesn't love sex? Nobody. Sex is fun, sex is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should! (Who can name that charming little 80s ballad?) In fact, the areas of the brain that trigger stress and worry actually shut off during orgasm, meaning that sex is, quite literally, the ultimate stress reliever. When people show interest in us sexually (especially when this interest is mixed with one or both of the other two aforementioned pastimes, which help to reduce the function of those pesky judgement areas of the brain), we are flattered and can't help but feel attractive and wanted.Cons: Sex is one of the main causes of teen angst. Either you're getting some and nobody's calling you back, or you're not getting any and you can't figure out why. In any case, nobody wants to feel unwanted, but unfortunately, that's the nature of sex: it's always kind of one-sided. Other cons include the potential for STDs, pregnancy, and nasty stains that will show up under a black light if you're ever on Room Raiders.
Drugs.
Pros: Euphoria, street cred, temporary escape from teen angst.Cons: The crash when the high wears off, potential weight gain from late-night Chic-Fil-A runs when you and your best friend get the munchies, scary hallucinations, and the fact that it's pretty much impossible to sneak back in the house when you reek like weed and your eyes are all bloodshot and you can't stop laughing at these really inane little things. Also, burning yourself on a lighter while lighting a pipe/bong/spliff/etc. is a much bigger hazard than you might realize.
Alcohol.
Pros: Parties are much more fun, even if you don't know anyone, after a couple of shots. Additionally, who doesn't enjoy the occasional drinking game? Whether it's beer pong, flippy cup (a recent addition to my repertoire), or one of those ones with lots of cards that I don't understand, everyone could use a little lightening up every now and then. Also, if you're drinking too, you don't have to take care of all the puking people.Cons: Throwing up is disgusting, and you usually end up with vomit on your clothes. Also, it's nigh impossible to get rid of the stench of alcohol before you stumble in the door early the next morning to crash before you go to work; this dilemma often attracts the attention of any parental units with whom you happen to be sharing a living space. In addition, when you hit the ever-so-sought-after classification of drunken stupor, you'll probably want to leave the party, which you shouldn't because you definitely should not be driving, mister. Even the other drunk people are telling you only a moron would drive when they're as drunk as you are. Being DD may suck, but somebody has to do it.
Now that we've covered those beloved staples of the American teen lifestyle, you'll need a quick checklist before you head out to party hardy:
Ask yourself, do I have my...
- condoms?
- change of clothes?
- phone?
- DD?
- friend who always seems to stay responsible even when they're drunk and will probably stop me before I do something really retarded, like drunk dialing?
- toothbrush? (This one is more important than you might think.)
- shoes? (Always, always, always remember where you left your shoes at a party, and for god's sake, take them off before you fall asleep unless you enjoy being drawn on / saran wrapped.)
6/30/2007
29 June 2007
♥ 200th post.
Yay for me!
6/29/2007
♥ rejuvenation. kind of.
I guess my new lifestyle--the one that involves mostly partying--has its ups and downs. For instance, I think it's teaching me to be more chill about everything. The old me would have freaked out when somebody didn't call me the next day, but this me is pretty much cool with it either way; there's plenty more fish in the sea. I would have worried all the time about getting in trouble; now I look at every day as a great big adventure with plenty of opportunities to have fun [read: get into trouble]. I guess street cred isn't everything, but there's something sort of gratifying about being the fun, flirty, friendly girl at the party who ends up making friends with a bunch of new people and, on occasion, taking care of all the pukers. I like this me.
But, as with everything, there is a downside. I was reading this article in Jane last night about detoxifying. Of course, I saw the headline, and I'm sure you can guess what popped into my head: doetox is one of those things I don't believe in, like athsma or lactose intolerance. But the more I read, the more I started to realize that maybe, like the Olsen twins and Lindsay Lohan, my hard-partying ways are beginning to catch up with me. "Feeling sluggish?" the article asked. Wow, yeah, I thought, wondering how it had guessed my condition so accurately. "Craving junk food?" Jesus Christ! I exclaimed to myself, It's like they're following me and Lexi around on our near-daily Wendy's runs! "You're probably partying hard," it informed me, "Which means you need to detoxify!"
Well that just about did it for me. Jane seemed convinced that a few days of detox was all I needed to restore that healthy glow, so I dutifully researched a few of its suggestions and I'm ready to get started.
I'm starting the Master Cleanser tomorrow, which is supposed to leave me feeling refreshed and happy. I'm guessing the potential results are somewhat exaggerated by this very gung-ho magazine, which, conveniently enough, offers revolutionary sex moves on the next page, which I guess are supposed to be used after readers have finished their detox and are feeling friskier.
Anyway, moral of the story, I hope detox works well enough to get me through the rest of the summer without a severe meltdown. Wish me luck! I'm sure I'll be updating you all with details of my extravaganza in the next few days. If I survive the lemonade diet, that is.
But, as with everything, there is a downside. I was reading this article in Jane last night about detoxifying. Of course, I saw the headline, and I'm sure you can guess what popped into my head: doetox is one of those things I don't believe in, like athsma or lactose intolerance. But the more I read, the more I started to realize that maybe, like the Olsen twins and Lindsay Lohan, my hard-partying ways are beginning to catch up with me. "Feeling sluggish?" the article asked. Wow, yeah, I thought, wondering how it had guessed my condition so accurately. "Craving junk food?" Jesus Christ! I exclaimed to myself, It's like they're following me and Lexi around on our near-daily Wendy's runs! "You're probably partying hard," it informed me, "Which means you need to detoxify!"
Well that just about did it for me. Jane seemed convinced that a few days of detox was all I needed to restore that healthy glow, so I dutifully researched a few of its suggestions and I'm ready to get started.
I'm starting the Master Cleanser tomorrow, which is supposed to leave me feeling refreshed and happy. I'm guessing the potential results are somewhat exaggerated by this very gung-ho magazine, which, conveniently enough, offers revolutionary sex moves on the next page, which I guess are supposed to be used after readers have finished their detox and are feeling friskier.
Anyway, moral of the story, I hope detox works well enough to get me through the rest of the summer without a severe meltdown. Wish me luck! I'm sure I'll be updating you all with details of my extravaganza in the next few days. If I survive the lemonade diet, that is.
6/29/2007
25 June 2007
♥ immature, maybe, but when has that ever stopped me?
It feels good to know that everyone else hates him too.
6/25/2007
♥ king soopers: grocer to the stars laziest people on earth
I feel confident that pushing a cart onto one of the little islands in the middle of the parking lot is just as much work as actually taking it to the little cart dropoff area. I hate walking across the goddamn parking lot.
And another thing, stop asking for paper. You don't need it, you're killing trees, and did you know one paper bag costs as much as five plastic bags? Don't you care about the effing environment?!
Gah! I think my job would be so much better if there were no customers.
And another thing, stop asking for paper. You don't need it, you're killing trees, and did you know one paper bag costs as much as five plastic bags? Don't you care about the effing environment?!
Gah! I think my job would be so much better if there were no customers.
6/25/2007
♥ you know what i really just love?
Talking to the hottest thing of my life, which is what I'm doing right now... Sorry. Just had to gloat a little bit.
Hehe.
Hehe.
6/25/2007
23 June 2007
♥ today's the day... carpe diem, anyone?
Today should have been a really shitty day. I should have been holed up in my room thinking about all that should have been, thinking about all that I was missing out on, thinking about how nothing ever works out.
But for some reason, it felt okay. Not great, of course; nobody wants to feel rejected, but okay. Like... Maybe this time it really would all work out. Like maybe, for once, it doesn't matter what everyone else says about it.
Here's to a step in the right direction.
But for some reason, it felt okay. Not great, of course; nobody wants to feel rejected, but okay. Like... Maybe this time it really would all work out. Like maybe, for once, it doesn't matter what everyone else says about it.
Here's to a step in the right direction.
6/23/2007
22 June 2007
♥ i've definitely been a pretty bad kid this week.
*speed bump*
Alex: Oh my God! Do you realize what just happened?!
Marc: Oh shit! Wait... what just happened?
Alex: We just went over that big huge roll thing!
LATER...
Lexi: Wait, are you really actually hungry? Because I'm hungry.
Me: Yeah man... I have the muuuuuuuuunchies.
Lexi: Okay. Dude... I still have my grandma's card!
Pretty much, this conversation ended in:
Alex: Oh my God! Do you realize what just happened?!
Marc: Oh shit! Wait... what just happened?
Alex: We just went over that big huge roll thing!
LATER...
Lexi: Wait, are you really actually hungry? Because I'm hungry.
Me: Yeah man... I have the muuuuuuuuunchies.
Lexi: Okay. Dude... I still have my grandma's card!
Pretty much, this conversation ended in:
- Mickey D's!
- bagel bites
- pizza rolls
- sour cream n' onion chips
- fig newtons
- donettes
- peanut M&Ms
- two hours of Celebrity Fit Club 2!
6/22/2007
21 June 2007
♥ at loose ends, but not necessarily in a bad way.
The Boulder Reservoir isn't quite as good as a real beach, but I guess since I live in Colorado I can't exactly be picky. Plus now my tan is coming along nicely, and at least I didn't get sand in my phone and break it (like Lexi, haha).
Anyway. Do you ever have one of those days where you feel totally restless and dissatisfied and you're not really sure why? Yeah, I'm definitely having one of those days.
I'm hoping that will change tonight... I guess we'll see.
Anyway. Do you ever have one of those days where you feel totally restless and dissatisfied and you're not really sure why? Yeah, I'm definitely having one of those days.
I'm hoping that will change tonight... I guess we'll see.
6/21/2007
20 June 2007
♥ love is merely a madness.
We could all use a little more Shakespeare in our lives.
6/20/2007
♥ welcome home, sowmie!
Missing one best friend isn't quite as awful when you've got another in town from the far-off land of California. I kind of wish she wasn't ever going to leave. And by kind of, I mean really really really.
6/20/2007
19 June 2007
♥ america's impending dairy crisis, simplified for you, the consumer.
I'm not sure most consumers understand the disastrous potential consequences of the pudding-yogurt problem we're facing today. In my short time as a courtesy clerk at your friendly neighborhood grocery store, however, I've come to realize what a real issue this is, and it affects anyone who isn't lactose intolerant, which, last time I checked, is most people. (And anyway, lactose intolerance is one of those things I don't really believe in, like athsma: why don't you just buck up and take it like a man?)
Basically, it's like this: yogurt and pudding are both dairy-based, meaning that they originate from cows (dairy also includes other farm animals, such as chickens). Okay, so yogurt, traditionally eaten as a breakfast or healthy snack-type food for people who enjoy eating what is basically really thick creamy milk with bacteria in it that tastes like strawberries. On the contrary, pudding, though dairy-based, is usually thought of as more of a dessert food, with delicious flavors such as caramel, dulce de leche, chocolate, and the ever-unpopular though underratedly delicious tapioca.
So here's the issue we're facing: recently, yogurt companies have begun to market sweet, more delicious flavors of yogurt, especially those weird "whipped" flavors. (They're bizarre.) As I stocked yogurt the other day, I began to notice an outrageous shift in flavors of yogurt: there is less lemon and more latte. Less canteloupe and more caramel. (Even the "fruit" flavors are sickeningly sweet. Instead of lime or whatever, it's "key lime pie," you know?) Are you getting my drift here? As disturbed as I was, though, I didn't think much of it until I moved along to the pudding section, where I nearly had a coronary: there are now fruity pudding flavors.
I know, what the hell, right?
In simplified terms, this means that yogurt and pudding are beginning to morph into one another and will soon be the same thing. I'm calling on you, the consumer, to not let this happen.
What's the big deal, you might be asking yourself. What does it even matter if yogurt and pudding are actually the same thing?
First of all, there are several key differences between these two products. While yogurt traditionally comes in those stupid little containers that are smaller at the top than at the bottom, making it nearly impossible to get a properly sized spoon in there, pudding comes in these little squatty containers that have those hilarious jokes on the insides of the lids. Clearly, if both products were to morph into one, consumers would be forced to choose between the two, and everyone would obviously pick the containers that don't suck. What would we do with all the crappy little yogurt containers then? Would we still be able to send in lids to help stop breast cancer? Would these breast cancer stopping lids still have jokes on them?
Second, yogurt eaters and pudding eaters are very different. Yogurt is sold in individual containers because most yogurt eaters prefer to have a variety of flavors to choose from, in case one doesn't mix well with their granola. Pudding, however, is available in those cardboard thingies that usually have like six or eight containers of pudding. This is because pudding eaters, by definition, are far more loyal in their flavor preferences. Some people like the layery kind, where there's chocolate on the bottom, then vanilla, then chocolate on top. Some prefer tapioca or just one flavor, you know? If the two products were to become one, how would this one product be sold? Would yogurt eaters be forced to take home eight strawberries at a time? After all, it would be impossible for manufacturers to keep up with all those finicky yogurt eaters' individual preferences when packaging pre-mix-n-matched sets of yogurt. And would pudding eaters be forced to get a basket at the front of the store to carry their eight tapiocas rather than simply grabbing a container and getting out of there?
Additionally, there is a simple problem of logistics. You see, there is only so much room in the big giant fridge thing where they keep the yogurt at grocery stores. You know how you open a door in the fridge area and get what you need and close the door? Okay, well yogurt takes up about four doors' worth over there. The rest is orange juice, milk, cottage cheese, stuff like that. Pudding, on the other hand, does not need to be refrigerated (probably because it doesn't have nasty bacteria on it) and is stored just beyond the fridge for pastry dough, cheese, and eggs. Basically, if pudding and yogurt were the same thing, it would be stupid to have two sections for it. You, the consumer, wouldn't even know where to begin! So would we have to build bigger fridges in every grocery store across the nation? Would this product have a whole section all to itself? The cost of storing such an endeavor is simply mind-boggling.
Finally, we have the issue of naming. This dairy hybrid couldn't possibly have a dignified name; even the "Grapple," (say GRAPE-pull) the apple that tastes like a grape and is disgusting and pretty much a sorry excuse for genetic engineering, is more respectable. Think about it. Pogurt? Yodding? Both sound vaguely dirty, and neither sounds like something that you, the consumer, would want to eat.
In short, we must stop pudding and yogurt from unifying. Luckily, there doesn't appear to be a pattern in their hybridization; perhaps this whole thing is just a big mistake and one day we can all just laugh about it and go back to enjoying our dairy product of choice. In the meantime, I feel strongly that all consumers who don't want a terrible crisis at their local grocers' should write to the nearest dairy manufacturer and inform them of the necessity to continue the segregation of pudding and yogurt.
Basically, it's like this: yogurt and pudding are both dairy-based, meaning that they originate from cows (dairy also includes other farm animals, such as chickens). Okay, so yogurt, traditionally eaten as a breakfast or healthy snack-type food for people who enjoy eating what is basically really thick creamy milk with bacteria in it that tastes like strawberries. On the contrary, pudding, though dairy-based, is usually thought of as more of a dessert food, with delicious flavors such as caramel, dulce de leche, chocolate, and the ever-unpopular though underratedly delicious tapioca.
So here's the issue we're facing: recently, yogurt companies have begun to market sweet, more delicious flavors of yogurt, especially those weird "whipped" flavors. (They're bizarre.) As I stocked yogurt the other day, I began to notice an outrageous shift in flavors of yogurt: there is less lemon and more latte. Less canteloupe and more caramel. (Even the "fruit" flavors are sickeningly sweet. Instead of lime or whatever, it's "key lime pie," you know?) Are you getting my drift here? As disturbed as I was, though, I didn't think much of it until I moved along to the pudding section, where I nearly had a coronary: there are now fruity pudding flavors.
I know, what the hell, right?
In simplified terms, this means that yogurt and pudding are beginning to morph into one another and will soon be the same thing. I'm calling on you, the consumer, to not let this happen.
What's the big deal, you might be asking yourself. What does it even matter if yogurt and pudding are actually the same thing?
First of all, there are several key differences between these two products. While yogurt traditionally comes in those stupid little containers that are smaller at the top than at the bottom, making it nearly impossible to get a properly sized spoon in there, pudding comes in these little squatty containers that have those hilarious jokes on the insides of the lids. Clearly, if both products were to morph into one, consumers would be forced to choose between the two, and everyone would obviously pick the containers that don't suck. What would we do with all the crappy little yogurt containers then? Would we still be able to send in lids to help stop breast cancer? Would these breast cancer stopping lids still have jokes on them?
Second, yogurt eaters and pudding eaters are very different. Yogurt is sold in individual containers because most yogurt eaters prefer to have a variety of flavors to choose from, in case one doesn't mix well with their granola. Pudding, however, is available in those cardboard thingies that usually have like six or eight containers of pudding. This is because pudding eaters, by definition, are far more loyal in their flavor preferences. Some people like the layery kind, where there's chocolate on the bottom, then vanilla, then chocolate on top. Some prefer tapioca or just one flavor, you know? If the two products were to become one, how would this one product be sold? Would yogurt eaters be forced to take home eight strawberries at a time? After all, it would be impossible for manufacturers to keep up with all those finicky yogurt eaters' individual preferences when packaging pre-mix-n-matched sets of yogurt. And would pudding eaters be forced to get a basket at the front of the store to carry their eight tapiocas rather than simply grabbing a container and getting out of there?
Additionally, there is a simple problem of logistics. You see, there is only so much room in the big giant fridge thing where they keep the yogurt at grocery stores. You know how you open a door in the fridge area and get what you need and close the door? Okay, well yogurt takes up about four doors' worth over there. The rest is orange juice, milk, cottage cheese, stuff like that. Pudding, on the other hand, does not need to be refrigerated (probably because it doesn't have nasty bacteria on it) and is stored just beyond the fridge for pastry dough, cheese, and eggs. Basically, if pudding and yogurt were the same thing, it would be stupid to have two sections for it. You, the consumer, wouldn't even know where to begin! So would we have to build bigger fridges in every grocery store across the nation? Would this product have a whole section all to itself? The cost of storing such an endeavor is simply mind-boggling.
Finally, we have the issue of naming. This dairy hybrid couldn't possibly have a dignified name; even the "Grapple," (say GRAPE-pull) the apple that tastes like a grape and is disgusting and pretty much a sorry excuse for genetic engineering, is more respectable. Think about it. Pogurt? Yodding? Both sound vaguely dirty, and neither sounds like something that you, the consumer, would want to eat.
In short, we must stop pudding and yogurt from unifying. Luckily, there doesn't appear to be a pattern in their hybridization; perhaps this whole thing is just a big mistake and one day we can all just laugh about it and go back to enjoying our dairy product of choice. In the meantime, I feel strongly that all consumers who don't want a terrible crisis at their local grocers' should write to the nearest dairy manufacturer and inform them of the necessity to continue the segregation of pudding and yogurt.
6/19/2007
♥ *sigh* a paradigm?
Hopefully this one won't turn out to be a big creepy asshole.
6/19/2007
18 June 2007
♥ let's talk about groceries.
I know it's no one's favorite subject, but frankly, I feel like we have a great deal to discuss, because apparently there is a huge percentage of the population that is unfamiliar with grocery etiquette.
- Nobody likes grocery shopping. I know. It sucks. But lucky for you, the consumer, the experience only lasts half an hour, maybe an hour at most. My King Soopers experience usually lasts about 6 to 8 hours. As unhappy as I'm sure you are to be there, comfort yourself with the fact that at least you're not bagging groceries for $6.91 an hour.
- Check your goddamn eggs. All the checkers are trained to ask customers "Did you check your eggs today?" as they come through the line. If you just go "Uh, yeah," and send them down the line, I'm going to bag them up and put them in your little buggy and send you on your way and the broken eggs are so your problem. I'm sick of people who don't check their eggs and make me run all the way to dairy (shut up, I know, it's only like 20 yards) to get you more stupid eggs.
- You know those signs that say "Please Return Carts Here"? Now, I know this may be a stretch for some of you, but those signs are actually conveniently placed over large metal racks capable of holding several carts at once! If your fat fucking ass is too lazy to walk your cart to one of those specially marked areas, which are placed in every aisle of the parking lot for your convenience, you probably don't need to be grocery shopping anyway. Go home. I don't want to walk across the parking lot to get your stupid cart any more than you do.
- Please control your stupid ugly children. A rotten little boy threw a carton of blueberry yogurt at me the other day. Needless to say, it exploded on impact, leaving a sizeable (and somewhat offensive looking) yogurt stain on my pants, not to mention a rather unsightly welt the next morning. You'd be surprised at how hard this kid could throw a carton of yogurt. Anyway, his mother just looked at the checker, then at me, then back at the checker, and said, "Well, I guess we're going to need another blueberry..." So I was lucky enough to run back to dairy and get another one. Then I got to clean up the trail of blueberry yogurt I'd tracked from my checkstand to the freezer room.
- Mind your produce. If you absolutely insist on buying bizarre types of canteloupe and strange, unsightly species of peppers, at least know what they're called so I don't have to call Johnathan-from-produce, as cute as he is, over for the 239,587,293,847,392,874th time that day to identify it for you. Yesterday I asked a customer (in my cute little perky checker voice) "And what kind of, um... What is this?" Because it was seriously, like, a root. Like... I'm pretty sure he went into his garden, pulled up some weeds, brought them to the grocery store, and stuck them in a bag. And he goes "Um... vegetable root?" Thanks.
- Hygiene, please! Now, I'm not expecting everyone to wear their Sunday best to go grocery shopping, but please bathe at least once, maybe even twice a week if you insist on going into public. You smell bad and it's hard to concentrate on proper bagging, especially asking you if plastic is okay, when I'm trying to breathe through my mouth so I don't have to inhale your stench.
- Don't tell me how to bag groceries. "Now, I want you to bag like items together, you know, like a bunch of cheese, a bag for veggies, you know?" Wow, okay, I'm not a freaking rocket scientist, and I'm not planning on working here for the rest of my life or anything, but I know how to bag groceries, okay? I know what I'm doing when it comes to bagging your effing groceries, because I sat in front of the little screen telling me what to do for four hours, and I've bagged about a million orders of groceries by now. I definitely don't need your bagging expertise in my life. The only thing you really need to tell me about your bagging preferences is whether you want them in paper or plastic.
- You know what, no, we don't have McGooberbundlakdajflajflkasjf cheese here. We do, however, have this huge fridge full of cheese. See all the cheese here? If you can't find anything similar to the specific kind of cheese only produced when the moon is full after a summer rain on a Tuesday night in Malaysia when all the children are sleeping, you are probably too stupid to cook with it anyway.
6/18/2007
♥ monday morning madness, anyone?
The last several months have definitely gotten me down, not gonna lie. I'm starting to feel like every time things are looking up, something else happens to bring me right back down. It definitely sucks.
But last night I remembered that sometimes, when you least expect it, something nice happens. Not necessarily something monumental or groundbreaking or worth writing home about, just something nice.
This one tiny little thing reminded me that all the daily trials and tribulations that have been getting me down might actually be countered by some positive events. Maybe I should spend a little less time focusing on the negative happenings in my day-to-day reality and not overlook the good things.
And the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how far I've come in the last couple of months. I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I've shown some symptoms of depression for most of my life, especially for the last year and a half or so. It was sort of exacerbated at the end of February by the loss of someone important in my life, and that definitely had me down for a long time. But he's back in my life again, and this time I feel like we're both determined to make a real effort to be friends, which is all I'm really capable of with anyone right now.
Two or three months ago, had someone left a nasty anonymous comment on my blog, I would have gone off the deep end, worrying that everyone hated me, feeling like a loser, wondering if they were right. But you know what? I saw one this morning and laughed. Yeah, I do feel popular because Hattie Cutcliffe gave me her number. Have you ever met that girl? She's pretty much the coolest thing ever, and I admire and respect her more than most. I think we could all take a lesson from Hattie, because she is self-assured and confident and hardworking and she's nice to absolutely everyone, even the kids who aren't "popular." I think it's kind of funny, actually, how this anonymous commenter (who spelled "like" wrong, by the way) acts like they're so cool, like they don't care what anyone thinks, they're way above being excited about popularity... but still a little worried about retribution if their name is associated with their comments.
Aside from writing this little reprimand to my anonymous friend, I also blocked anonymous comments from being posted on this site. If you don't have the balls to just say who you are, I'm not going to bother to read what you have to say. Grow up and get a life.
Anyway, sorry for the little tangent. I know that every entry for the last month or so has been like "Oh man! I'm feeling better! Stuff rocks! I'm happy! I'm okay! Everything's getting better!" which is probably getting annoying for all, what, 2 + anonymous of my readers? I guess as much as actually feeling better, I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that it's all working, that I'm actually making progress towards, you know, being a normal person again rather than a neurotic basket case. (It does keep things interesting, though.)
But lately I really have been feeling more confident. I was worried before my first day at my new job, but I relaxed enough to make conversation with everyone, and I'm feeling pretty good about the whole work situation now. I was convinced that it would be really awkward to hang out with Branden last week, but it wasn't at all; it was just like it was when we were friends back in the day, which was exactly what I was hoping for. I'm not exactly happy that the entire cheerleading squad is gossiping about me, but I care less than I'd expected. They can think what they want; how is it really going to affect me?
Of course little shitty things are still going to happen, and I guess that's just life. Yeah, when I hear bad news, I'm still going to feel sad or angry or whatever, but I don't always have to let it ruin my day. Taking things as they come and letting things roll off your back is way easier said than done, but I guess I'm willing to give it a shot.
I mean, what have I got to lose?
But last night I remembered that sometimes, when you least expect it, something nice happens. Not necessarily something monumental or groundbreaking or worth writing home about, just something nice.
This one tiny little thing reminded me that all the daily trials and tribulations that have been getting me down might actually be countered by some positive events. Maybe I should spend a little less time focusing on the negative happenings in my day-to-day reality and not overlook the good things.
And the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how far I've come in the last couple of months. I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I've shown some symptoms of depression for most of my life, especially for the last year and a half or so. It was sort of exacerbated at the end of February by the loss of someone important in my life, and that definitely had me down for a long time. But he's back in my life again, and this time I feel like we're both determined to make a real effort to be friends, which is all I'm really capable of with anyone right now.
Two or three months ago, had someone left a nasty anonymous comment on my blog, I would have gone off the deep end, worrying that everyone hated me, feeling like a loser, wondering if they were right. But you know what? I saw one this morning and laughed. Yeah, I do feel popular because Hattie Cutcliffe gave me her number. Have you ever met that girl? She's pretty much the coolest thing ever, and I admire and respect her more than most. I think we could all take a lesson from Hattie, because she is self-assured and confident and hardworking and she's nice to absolutely everyone, even the kids who aren't "popular." I think it's kind of funny, actually, how this anonymous commenter (who spelled "like" wrong, by the way) acts like they're so cool, like they don't care what anyone thinks, they're way above being excited about popularity... but still a little worried about retribution if their name is associated with their comments.
Aside from writing this little reprimand to my anonymous friend, I also blocked anonymous comments from being posted on this site. If you don't have the balls to just say who you are, I'm not going to bother to read what you have to say. Grow up and get a life.
Anyway, sorry for the little tangent. I know that every entry for the last month or so has been like "Oh man! I'm feeling better! Stuff rocks! I'm happy! I'm okay! Everything's getting better!" which is probably getting annoying for all, what, 2 + anonymous of my readers? I guess as much as actually feeling better, I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that it's all working, that I'm actually making progress towards, you know, being a normal person again rather than a neurotic basket case. (It does keep things interesting, though.)
But lately I really have been feeling more confident. I was worried before my first day at my new job, but I relaxed enough to make conversation with everyone, and I'm feeling pretty good about the whole work situation now. I was convinced that it would be really awkward to hang out with Branden last week, but it wasn't at all; it was just like it was when we were friends back in the day, which was exactly what I was hoping for. I'm not exactly happy that the entire cheerleading squad is gossiping about me, but I care less than I'd expected. They can think what they want; how is it really going to affect me?
Of course little shitty things are still going to happen, and I guess that's just life. Yeah, when I hear bad news, I'm still going to feel sad or angry or whatever, but I don't always have to let it ruin my day. Taking things as they come and letting things roll off your back is way easier said than done, but I guess I'm willing to give it a shot.
I mean, what have I got to lose?
6/18/2007
17 June 2007
♥ a lengthy list of lovely things.
I'm tired of being neurotic, even if it does keep things interesting. In order to maintain a positive outlook on life, since I refuse to let anything ruin my summer (which is tougher than expected, as the powers that be are quite obviously conspiring against me), I've composed a list of the things in my life that make me want to keep plugging along.
1. Kayla, Lexi, Kelsey.
2. The fact that the most destructive person in my life is now completely out of the picture; in fact, legally, he's not even allowed to talk to me.
3. It's summer.
4. Everyone at work is really, really nice, and, more importantly, the place is positively teeming with gorgeous boys.
5. And the fact that I'm single means I can flirt with every last one of them guilt-free. How lovely.
6. I'm redecorating my room, and it's pretty much the coolest place I could ever want to live. And, because of my new habit of burning incense and oil, it smells fabulous.
7. It feels good to be getting back in shape again, especially if it means I'll be taking more trips to Performance, which will mean a lot more time spent with "Zac," who is officially the hottest thing of my life.
8. Tattoos and piercings in the works, mainly courtesy of the best friend I thought I'd lost. (P.S. I'm glad I didn't.)
9. Rediscovery of Snapple Peach Tea makes my life worthwhile again.
10. Paris Hilton is in jail. How could Karma possibly have repaid me more generously?
11. New source of income means that late night pancake / chicken runs are no longer out of the question. Same applies to shopping trips with Alexia.
12. Hattie Cutcliffe officially gave me her number and told me to call her. *Speechless.*
13. Sowmie is coming home to visit in TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
14. The doctor I hated got fired from Grey's Anatomy. I hate that show, but I especially hate him.
15. Swimsuit season is officially here, and I have an amazing new swimsuit, and we're going to the Boulder Res on Thursday, and guess who else goes to the Boulder Res? Hot CU boys, that's who.
16. Odds are, I'll be working next Sunday, which means I'll only have to tolerate the traditional Walker cast-of-thousands birthday barbeque for like an hour.
17. Fortunately, blueberry yogurt actually does wash right out of black pants. Good to know.
18. Oh, what? What did you say? We're going to be seniors next year? Shit, son, that's great news!
19. Even if stupid kids from the trip are taking about me, even if the entire goddamn cheerleading squad is gossiping about me and thinks I'm a big fat liar, I still go to pretty much the most amazing high school in history. Don't get me wrong, high school sucks. But I'm glad I'm having the experience at Lakewood.
20. Cross-country next year is going to be fantastic.
21. Aw, my dog is adorable.
22. The Plain White T's are playing at the Big Gig. I found a band I love and can't possibly get enough of--yay Muse! I remembered how much I adore RHCP and even Green Day. Oh, and most importantly, I can listen to Snow Patrol, Jack Johnson (almost), Jimmy Eat World, and Death Cab without feeling like I might pass out. It's nice to rediscover music. Also, I have cute new headphones. They are European.
23. I have a bunch of amazing new European stuff! Yay.
24. My new job requires absolutely zero picking up of dog shit. A definite perk.
25. June 23, though I'm sure it will be almost unbearably painful, will pretty much be pressure-free now.
26. Someday, I'm going to write a hilarious and witty memoir about this whole experience, and it's going to be a bestseller.
27. Everything at Kohl's is always on sale.
28. It actually is possible to subscribe to British Cosmo. I will probably stick with the American version, but I'm glad to know I have the option.
29. I finally found something useful to do with all those old t-shirts that were too small and that I felt like a lesser person for not wearing. And I didn't have to give them to charity. Psh. Charity. Just kidding though.
30. I've definitely come to terms with my "No way, I didn't do that! I did? No... Fuck! I can't believe I did that!" experience. And honestly, I feel pretty damn good about it.
31. The extra hole in my nose does not grow shut when I leave the stud out for work.
32. I can wear my Chucks again! I haven't worn those black high tops in forever, and now I finally have an outlet for them. King Soopers really isn't that bad.
33. I have an extra kidney! How many people do you know who can say that?
34. At least I'm not being sold into slavery. (Thanks to Kelsey's cousin Lindsey, who I have never met but would very much like to, for this one.)
35. Turns out Kelsey is only gone until July 3, rather than a whole month as I'd feared.
36. I know adorable kilt-wearing Scottish boys named Muray and James. How jealous are you.
37. I'm so done with MySpace and Facebook. Social drama = out.
38. June means my mom can now buy those little clementines by the boxful now. I love those things.
39. I love Chunky Monkey ice cream.
40. I do not live in the desert. I would hate the desert. I am very glad I don't live there.
41. I will never again in my life be forced to read Doctor Zhivago. Well, "again" might be a stretch, but in any case, I'm glad I won't have to discuss Yurii or Tanya or Lara anymore.
42. Video announcements next year mean I'll pretty much be a celebrity. Not that I'm not already.
43. The TV in the break room at work is almost always playing Jerry Springer. I am so amused.
44. My dad's shmancy new hammock (complete with drink holder) means that summer lounging is definitely within reach.
45. Two of my three best friends own trampolines. Need I say more?
46. "Dear Abby" and "Ask Amy" have moved to the same section of the Sunday Denver Post as my favorite columnist, W. Bruce Cameron. My Sundays are now infinitely more convenient, and I can use the extra time to perfect the milk:cereal ratio and pick out all the strawberry yogurt Cheerios first.
47. Only one more semester of TOK. Just one more semester. That's it. One more. Oh god.
48. Pulp Fiction is playing tomorrow at Red Rocks.
49. Chalk actually will write on regular walls, and look pretty cool, if I do say so.
50. As lame as it might sound, I have a pretty stable outlet for my thoughts. Blogging (I HATE the word "blogging") is pretty much keeping me sane.
1. Kayla, Lexi, Kelsey.
2. The fact that the most destructive person in my life is now completely out of the picture; in fact, legally, he's not even allowed to talk to me.
3. It's summer.
4. Everyone at work is really, really nice, and, more importantly, the place is positively teeming with gorgeous boys.
5. And the fact that I'm single means I can flirt with every last one of them guilt-free. How lovely.
6. I'm redecorating my room, and it's pretty much the coolest place I could ever want to live. And, because of my new habit of burning incense and oil, it smells fabulous.
7. It feels good to be getting back in shape again, especially if it means I'll be taking more trips to Performance, which will mean a lot more time spent with "Zac," who is officially the hottest thing of my life.
8. Tattoos and piercings in the works, mainly courtesy of the best friend I thought I'd lost. (P.S. I'm glad I didn't.)
9. Rediscovery of Snapple Peach Tea makes my life worthwhile again.
10. Paris Hilton is in jail. How could Karma possibly have repaid me more generously?
11. New source of income means that late night pancake / chicken runs are no longer out of the question. Same applies to shopping trips with Alexia.
12. Hattie Cutcliffe officially gave me her number and told me to call her. *Speechless.*
13. Sowmie is coming home to visit in TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
14. The doctor I hated got fired from Grey's Anatomy. I hate that show, but I especially hate him.
15. Swimsuit season is officially here, and I have an amazing new swimsuit, and we're going to the Boulder Res on Thursday, and guess who else goes to the Boulder Res? Hot CU boys, that's who.
16. Odds are, I'll be working next Sunday, which means I'll only have to tolerate the traditional Walker cast-of-thousands birthday barbeque for like an hour.
17. Fortunately, blueberry yogurt actually does wash right out of black pants. Good to know.
18. Oh, what? What did you say? We're going to be seniors next year? Shit, son, that's great news!
19. Even if stupid kids from the trip are taking about me, even if the entire goddamn cheerleading squad is gossiping about me and thinks I'm a big fat liar, I still go to pretty much the most amazing high school in history. Don't get me wrong, high school sucks. But I'm glad I'm having the experience at Lakewood.
20. Cross-country next year is going to be fantastic.
21. Aw, my dog is adorable.
22. The Plain White T's are playing at the Big Gig. I found a band I love and can't possibly get enough of--yay Muse! I remembered how much I adore RHCP and even Green Day. Oh, and most importantly, I can listen to Snow Patrol, Jack Johnson (almost), Jimmy Eat World, and Death Cab without feeling like I might pass out. It's nice to rediscover music. Also, I have cute new headphones. They are European.
23. I have a bunch of amazing new European stuff! Yay.
24. My new job requires absolutely zero picking up of dog shit. A definite perk.
25. June 23, though I'm sure it will be almost unbearably painful, will pretty much be pressure-free now.
26. Someday, I'm going to write a hilarious and witty memoir about this whole experience, and it's going to be a bestseller.
27. Everything at Kohl's is always on sale.
28. It actually is possible to subscribe to British Cosmo. I will probably stick with the American version, but I'm glad to know I have the option.
29. I finally found something useful to do with all those old t-shirts that were too small and that I felt like a lesser person for not wearing. And I didn't have to give them to charity. Psh. Charity. Just kidding though.
30. I've definitely come to terms with my "No way, I didn't do that! I did? No... Fuck! I can't believe I did that!" experience. And honestly, I feel pretty damn good about it.
31. The extra hole in my nose does not grow shut when I leave the stud out for work.
32. I can wear my Chucks again! I haven't worn those black high tops in forever, and now I finally have an outlet for them. King Soopers really isn't that bad.
33. I have an extra kidney! How many people do you know who can say that?
34. At least I'm not being sold into slavery. (Thanks to Kelsey's cousin Lindsey, who I have never met but would very much like to, for this one.)
35. Turns out Kelsey is only gone until July 3, rather than a whole month as I'd feared.
36. I know adorable kilt-wearing Scottish boys named Muray and James. How jealous are you.
37. I'm so done with MySpace and Facebook. Social drama = out.
38. June means my mom can now buy those little clementines by the boxful now. I love those things.
39. I love Chunky Monkey ice cream.
40. I do not live in the desert. I would hate the desert. I am very glad I don't live there.
41. I will never again in my life be forced to read Doctor Zhivago. Well, "again" might be a stretch, but in any case, I'm glad I won't have to discuss Yurii or Tanya or Lara anymore.
42. Video announcements next year mean I'll pretty much be a celebrity. Not that I'm not already.
43. The TV in the break room at work is almost always playing Jerry Springer. I am so amused.
44. My dad's shmancy new hammock (complete with drink holder) means that summer lounging is definitely within reach.
45. Two of my three best friends own trampolines. Need I say more?
46. "Dear Abby" and "Ask Amy" have moved to the same section of the Sunday Denver Post as my favorite columnist, W. Bruce Cameron. My Sundays are now infinitely more convenient, and I can use the extra time to perfect the milk:cereal ratio and pick out all the strawberry yogurt Cheerios first.
47. Only one more semester of TOK. Just one more semester. That's it. One more. Oh god.
48. Pulp Fiction is playing tomorrow at Red Rocks.
49. Chalk actually will write on regular walls, and look pretty cool, if I do say so.
50. As lame as it might sound, I have a pretty stable outlet for my thoughts. Blogging (I HATE the word "blogging") is pretty much keeping me sane.
6/17/2007
16 June 2007
♥ i guess being a courtesy clerk has its perks.
I bagged Kim Christiansen's groceries tonight.
6/16/2007
14 June 2007
♥ god damn cheerleaders.
I feel like I'm stuck in a never-ending episode of Lizzie effing McGuire. Seriously. The entire cheerleading squad knows all about my little "scandal," and they all think I'm making it up.
Why would I intentionally put myself through this? Yeah, I wanted to lose a trusted friend, have people talk about me behind my back, garner false sympathy, and deal with the trauma of feeling unloved and worthless, all in one blow. Sounds lovely, doesn't it.
On the other hand, the more I think about it, the less it bothers me. The only cheerleader whose opinion matters even remotely to me is Cera, and I know she's not going to go behind my back. I don't really care what the rest of them think, and those stupid blonde bimbos will probably forget this whole thing by the end of practice; after all, they probably have more interesting things to talk about than a dumb IB nerd and her graduated ex-boyfriend and the scandal they've produced.
The people who really matter have stuck with me. In fact, this little episode has proven to me who my friends really are, and a few were unexpected. Of course my best friends stuck with me, but a few people whose support I really wasn't expecting have been essential in helping me to move on. And reconciling with Leah was even more of a relief than I thought. I can't believe she could forgive me after all this time, after all the things I said to her, but I guess it goes to show that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
I know it's lame to do the blog shout-out thing, but I'm so glad I have these amazing people in my life who will help me get through anything. I hope you all know I'm always ready to do the same for you.
I guess it's time to start my shitty new job now. I can only hope it's better than the last one... Then again, even if it's not, it will be nice to not be broke again. There's an upside to everything, right?
Why would I intentionally put myself through this? Yeah, I wanted to lose a trusted friend, have people talk about me behind my back, garner false sympathy, and deal with the trauma of feeling unloved and worthless, all in one blow. Sounds lovely, doesn't it.
On the other hand, the more I think about it, the less it bothers me. The only cheerleader whose opinion matters even remotely to me is Cera, and I know she's not going to go behind my back. I don't really care what the rest of them think, and those stupid blonde bimbos will probably forget this whole thing by the end of practice; after all, they probably have more interesting things to talk about than a dumb IB nerd and her graduated ex-boyfriend and the scandal they've produced.
The people who really matter have stuck with me. In fact, this little episode has proven to me who my friends really are, and a few were unexpected. Of course my best friends stuck with me, but a few people whose support I really wasn't expecting have been essential in helping me to move on. And reconciling with Leah was even more of a relief than I thought. I can't believe she could forgive me after all this time, after all the things I said to her, but I guess it goes to show that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
I know it's lame to do the blog shout-out thing, but I'm so glad I have these amazing people in my life who will help me get through anything. I hope you all know I'm always ready to do the same for you.
I guess it's time to start my shitty new job now. I can only hope it's better than the last one... Then again, even if it's not, it will be nice to not be broke again. There's an upside to everything, right?
6/14/2007
13 June 2007
♥ mmm...
My mother is complaining because my entire house smells like incense. It's delicious.
6/13/2007
♥ last night
Wasn't quite what I expected: why should anyone feel impossibly lonely when surrounded by good friends?
Then again, I know why. It's because all those friends have something I desperately want, something I know I can't have. And I guess I might as well just admit it: I'm jealous.
Then again, I know why. It's because all those friends have something I desperately want, something I know I can't have. And I guess I might as well just admit it: I'm jealous.
6/13/2007
12 June 2007
♥ and so it begins.
This morning was, in a word, terrifying. I never thought I'd have to do that, that I'd have to hear those words coming out of my own mouth. The only thing that made me brave enough to do it was knowing that if someone doesn't put a stop to this, he'll do it again. He's done it before, and he'll do it again. I don't want him to put someone else through what he's already put us through.
The hardest thing for me about this whole ordeal--more than being scared and embarassed--is that it makes me feel like the last two years of my life have been a lie. Like our relationship, our friendship was a lie. This means he cheated on me; how much did those 14 months really mean to him? It means he's been lying to me for nearly a year, who knows about what else. Who knows how many other people he's done this to.
I resent him. I resent how much power he's had over me, I resent how he's put me down and crushed my self-esteem time and again, how he tried to sabotage my relationship with the one person I've ever truly been in love with, and, in essence--by making me oh-so-insecure--that's exactly what he did. [That's why we fell apart, I think, because he just couldn't deal with the extra weight, and I understand; who could?]
He's made the last 10 months utterly miserable at every opportunity, and as painful as this ordeal has been so far [and as much worse as I know it's going to be in the coming months], I can't help feeling a little relieved that he's finally out of my life. I never have to talk to him again. I never have to hear his voice or see his face or anything. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
I hate that there will probably be no consequences for this. It's my word against his now, and there's nothing I can do. If it goes to trial, he'll get a lawyer and end up vindicated; I'll have my reputation dragged through the mud and end up right back where I started. I hate that he's going to do it again, I know he is. I hate that he cheated on his poor girlfriend, who he doesn't really deserve in the first place. I hate everything about him, everything.
But I promised myself nothing would ruin this summer, and I'm not about to let him poison it the way he's done everything else. He's gone, out of my life; I've washed my hands of him and I'm never looking back. I'm determined to move on with my life.
Okay, I know this is getting a little lengthy, but I have to get really cheesey for a second. Yesterday as we walked into the Dublin airport, I saw one of those Love Actually-style scenes where an adorable globetrotting girlfriend returns to her delighted boyfriend, who laughs out loud and runs over and they hug and he picks her up and swings her around when he sees her because he's just missed her that much. It was pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
I couldn't help wishing the one person I wanted would miraculously show up at DIA and repeat said scene, and although the vague hope of seeing his face in the most unexpected yet romantic of places is always hiding in the back of my mind, I knew it was pretty much a lost cause.
But seeing that in Dublin made me think: there is love. There is hope. Even when you least expect it, even when you think everything's gone wrong, there is always, always a chance. I'm not going to give up on any of this because I believe in second chances, I believe love will find a way, I believe there is always hope for everyone, no matter how badly they've screwed up.
I don't have to believe I'll be happy again someday.
I already am.
The hardest thing for me about this whole ordeal--more than being scared and embarassed--is that it makes me feel like the last two years of my life have been a lie. Like our relationship, our friendship was a lie. This means he cheated on me; how much did those 14 months really mean to him? It means he's been lying to me for nearly a year, who knows about what else. Who knows how many other people he's done this to.
I resent him. I resent how much power he's had over me, I resent how he's put me down and crushed my self-esteem time and again, how he tried to sabotage my relationship with the one person I've ever truly been in love with, and, in essence--by making me oh-so-insecure--that's exactly what he did. [That's why we fell apart, I think, because he just couldn't deal with the extra weight, and I understand; who could?]
He's made the last 10 months utterly miserable at every opportunity, and as painful as this ordeal has been so far [and as much worse as I know it's going to be in the coming months], I can't help feeling a little relieved that he's finally out of my life. I never have to talk to him again. I never have to hear his voice or see his face or anything. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
I hate that there will probably be no consequences for this. It's my word against his now, and there's nothing I can do. If it goes to trial, he'll get a lawyer and end up vindicated; I'll have my reputation dragged through the mud and end up right back where I started. I hate that he's going to do it again, I know he is. I hate that he cheated on his poor girlfriend, who he doesn't really deserve in the first place. I hate everything about him, everything.
But I promised myself nothing would ruin this summer, and I'm not about to let him poison it the way he's done everything else. He's gone, out of my life; I've washed my hands of him and I'm never looking back. I'm determined to move on with my life.
Okay, I know this is getting a little lengthy, but I have to get really cheesey for a second. Yesterday as we walked into the Dublin airport, I saw one of those Love Actually-style scenes where an adorable globetrotting girlfriend returns to her delighted boyfriend, who laughs out loud and runs over and they hug and he picks her up and swings her around when he sees her because he's just missed her that much. It was pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
I couldn't help wishing the one person I wanted would miraculously show up at DIA and repeat said scene, and although the vague hope of seeing his face in the most unexpected yet romantic of places is always hiding in the back of my mind, I knew it was pretty much a lost cause.
But seeing that in Dublin made me think: there is love. There is hope. Even when you least expect it, even when you think everything's gone wrong, there is always, always a chance. I'm not going to give up on any of this because I believe in second chances, I believe love will find a way, I believe there is always hope for everyone, no matter how badly they've screwed up.
I don't have to believe I'll be happy again someday.
I already am.
6/12/2007
11 June 2007
♥ she's baa-ack!
Eleven days feels like a million years, as it turns out. Some of it was great, some of it wasn't so great. I never want to see another cathedral as long as I live, but there is something sort of magical about being in the presence of all those geniuses... Shakespeare, Darwin, Wordsworth, and the like. [I stood on Darwin's grave!]
Alright, so here are a few things I learned in Europe:
1. The English believe that street signs are overrated. They don't use them. And don't ask a gas station attendant for directions because none of them know.
2. Handing the cashier a handful of coins and looking helplessly at them because you can't tell the change apart makes them think you are retarded.
3. Wearing flip-flops is a dead giveaway. You might as well wear a big ugly t-shirt with an American flag and march around yelling I AM AMERICAN.
4. "Is Scotland a country?" is actually a surprisingly legitimate question.
5. Scottish boys really do love American girls! Especially if their names are Murray and James. Oh man. I love Murray and James.
6. Historians at the British Museum do not appreciate it when patrons of said museum point out that the Greek statues are rather poorly endowed.
7. All cathedrals look the same after about #2. In fact, I'm fairly certain that a few times, we got on the bus, drove around the block, parked at a different entrance, and were told we were at a different cathedral when it was actually the same one.
8. Brits get way better wedding presents than we do. I want a freaking secret garden.
9. As difficult as it is, refrain from attempting a mock-British accent. They will look at you like you're a moron, probably because you are.
10. For some reason, the local police in Oxford find it really bizarre when you and your friends stop to take photos in a groovy red phone booth. Especially if there are several girls in there at once.
11. Any missing adapters were actually stolen by other participants on the trip.
12. Imaginary boys / cars are actually a really big problem in Stratford. Seriously, they show up at random bed-and-breakfasts and girls sneak out with them all the time. You don't even realize.
13. Deborah Anne Jump was an imposter!
14. "Fish and chips" is not like it is in America. They seriously fry an entire fish and hand it to you. Like... with skin. And a tail. And eyes.
15. Haggis is actually surprisingly delicious. And despite its unappetizing name, the "boxty" is also quite tasty.
16. Yes, they will let you buy porn at any age in international waters! And also let you into sex shops in Dublin, where they allow you to purchase... items of pleasure. I, of course, have no firsthand knowledge of this experience.
17. Apparently no one is actually employed at "Penney's" department store in Dublin, or if they are, it's a freaking free-for-all. Like wow.
18. The sketchy part of Dublin is about a thousand times more interesting than the shopping center. Also, if you accidentally wander into a 21+ club there, they don't kick you out. It seriously was an accident.
19. "You know, just because it's not America doesn't mean you can just... go streaking. I mean, they're not not afraid of boobs in Scotland." Well said.
20. Going to Europe at 17 and a half is pretty much the dumbest thing ever. What was I thinking?! Then again, you know what this means: Lexi and I are already planning a trip to Amsterdam next summer.
You know what's legal in Amsterdam.
Anyway, as much fun as I had, I'm glad to be home. I missed my family, and my friends, and the like. I spent a lot of time thinking on the tour bus this trip, and I've definitely come to a couple of conclusions that I think will make things a lot easier for me.
Tomorrow morning is going to be tough, but I can handle it. I've been through worse before. In any case, wish me luck.
Alright, so here are a few things I learned in Europe:
1. The English believe that street signs are overrated. They don't use them. And don't ask a gas station attendant for directions because none of them know.
2. Handing the cashier a handful of coins and looking helplessly at them because you can't tell the change apart makes them think you are retarded.
3. Wearing flip-flops is a dead giveaway. You might as well wear a big ugly t-shirt with an American flag and march around yelling I AM AMERICAN.
4. "Is Scotland a country?" is actually a surprisingly legitimate question.
5. Scottish boys really do love American girls! Especially if their names are Murray and James. Oh man. I love Murray and James.
6. Historians at the British Museum do not appreciate it when patrons of said museum point out that the Greek statues are rather poorly endowed.
7. All cathedrals look the same after about #2. In fact, I'm fairly certain that a few times, we got on the bus, drove around the block, parked at a different entrance, and were told we were at a different cathedral when it was actually the same one.
8. Brits get way better wedding presents than we do. I want a freaking secret garden.
9. As difficult as it is, refrain from attempting a mock-British accent. They will look at you like you're a moron, probably because you are.
10. For some reason, the local police in Oxford find it really bizarre when you and your friends stop to take photos in a groovy red phone booth. Especially if there are several girls in there at once.
11. Any missing adapters were actually stolen by other participants on the trip.
12. Imaginary boys / cars are actually a really big problem in Stratford. Seriously, they show up at random bed-and-breakfasts and girls sneak out with them all the time. You don't even realize.
13. Deborah Anne Jump was an imposter!
14. "Fish and chips" is not like it is in America. They seriously fry an entire fish and hand it to you. Like... with skin. And a tail. And eyes.
15. Haggis is actually surprisingly delicious. And despite its unappetizing name, the "boxty" is also quite tasty.
16. Yes, they will let you buy porn at any age in international waters! And also let you into sex shops in Dublin, where they allow you to purchase... items of pleasure. I, of course, have no firsthand knowledge of this experience.
17. Apparently no one is actually employed at "Penney's" department store in Dublin, or if they are, it's a freaking free-for-all. Like wow.
18. The sketchy part of Dublin is about a thousand times more interesting than the shopping center. Also, if you accidentally wander into a 21+ club there, they don't kick you out. It seriously was an accident.
19. "You know, just because it's not America doesn't mean you can just... go streaking. I mean, they're not not afraid of boobs in Scotland." Well said.
20. Going to Europe at 17 and a half is pretty much the dumbest thing ever. What was I thinking?! Then again, you know what this means: Lexi and I are already planning a trip to Amsterdam next summer.
You know what's legal in Amsterdam.
Anyway, as much fun as I had, I'm glad to be home. I missed my family, and my friends, and the like. I spent a lot of time thinking on the tour bus this trip, and I've definitely come to a couple of conclusions that I think will make things a lot easier for me.
Tomorrow morning is going to be tough, but I can handle it. I've been through worse before. In any case, wish me luck.
6/11/2007
